I’ll start the ball rolling (err puck rolling) with Valeri Zelepukin, feel free to “raise it” from there.
Only rule I’d say is it has to be their real name. “Oil Can” Boyd is all well and good, but he’s actually Dennis.
Dick Trickle
There was a bloke who played football for Germany named “Stefan Kuntz”.
He was partially responsible for the greatest comment in British footballling commentary history however http://www.thespoiler.co.uk/index.php/2008/07/04/video-john-motsons-finest-commentary-moment
From an outsider (I watch ZERO sports, don’t follow them in the least), the names that stick out are Fukudome and Ochocinco.
I actually thought about starting this thread a few days ago, although I would have probably limited mine to the NFL. I used to check every NFL roster in the preseason before cuts and figure out how many different spellings of Antoine there were in the league. My record was 14.
Anyway, a few of my favorites, mostly from the NFL:
Dick Trickle
Dick Butkus
D’Brickashaw Ferguson
Tebucky Jones
Reggie Corner (not funny until you realize he’s a Cornerback)
Milton Bradley is pretty bad.
My husband was shocked over seeing “Fukudome” on a fan’s Cubs jersey until I explained it was a real player’s name. His brain had not processed the name as being a Japanese name so he immediately leaped to the obnoxious pronunciation that it would suggest.
Chad Ochocinco was actually a legal name change. His original name is Chad Johnson, and his jersey number is #85. I’m not sure which came first, the nickname, or the crazy NFL Network commercial with the catchy “Where you at, 85?” song that called him Ocho Cinco.
I also forgot Lucious Pusey.
Grlenntys “Chief” Kickingstallionsims Jr plays basketball for Alabama State.
Scientific Mapp played for FAMU. His brother, Majestic Mapp, played for Virginia.
The best punchline to an unwritten baseball joke is, “One’s a Big Unit, the other one’s a Randy Johnson.”
Whenever I hear Amani Toomer (who used to play for the Giants) I always picture it in Arnold’s voice and it makes me smile.
I just think it’s funny that eighty five should be ochenta y cinco and that he legally changed incorrectly - though that is what the announcers called him.
I think it’s worth noting that one of the best golfers of all time is named “Woods”. Maybe Donald Driver took the wrong career path?
One of the best internet timewasters ever is The Name of the Year contest. Plenty of awful names, and this year’s winner is even an athlete. I present to you Barkevious Mingo.
I always snicker at outfielder Coco Crisp.
Regrettably, “Coco” is a nickname and so doesn’t meet the OP’s requirements.
Boof Bonser, however, is a real name.
Three of the four Alou brothers had normal names (Felipe, Matty, and Jesus), but the fourth, Boog, had to change his last name to Powell because everyone always laughed at him when he was announced.
God Shamgod was a college BB player.
There’s a good youth soccer player out there, from California if I’m not mistaken, called Cheesy Meltz. I’m sure his last name is original. Not sure about the first name, but he’s been called that since a tyke. I’m hoping he’s good enough one day to be pro.
Ochenta y cinco just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
I wonder what’s the longest last name they’ve ever fit on the back of a jersey? Roethlisberger (14 letters) is the longest I can think of.
The Atlanta Braves’ Jarrod Saltalamacchia has him tied.
Ha ha. I got the same reaction at a children’s church event. One of the moms complained to the children’s minister that I was wearing a vulgar shirt to a church event. Either she really read it as “Fuck you do me,” or she was a Cards fan. :smack: