I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve been through this twice, and although the memory will always be with you, the pain will become duller. The really awful thing is that when you remember your friend, you’ll think of his death first, then his life.
Stay close to his family and other friends. All of you can get through this better with each other’s support.
I’m so sorry for your loss, CTBurns. The grief and pain do fade with time, but never disappears altogether.
Too many times, I’ve been in your position. A best friend, a significant other, a close friend’s son (who called me the night before he killed himself, and I didn’t pick up the phone, thinking to myself that I couldn’t take anymore of his drama).
Life is amazing, each and every day, with its pain as well as its joys. Some people love it, others can’t be made to love it. Take good care of yourself.
I’m late to this thread, but I just wanted to let you know you and his family are in my thoughts.
I’ve been through similar experiences.
One process that helped me was to write a letter to the person who took their own life. I wrote 3 pages to my friend and then put them in an envelope and burned it.
Obviously the person will never get the letter, and it really added some missing closure for me.
Good Luck!
I’m so, so sorry to hear that.
You get over it in the same manner you get over the death of any other loved one. My father died nearly 15 years ago, and while I’m “over it” I still get a little sad because I still miss him. A friend of mine committed suicide when I was in sixth grade and I had no indication that there was a problem let alone why he decided on such a radical course of action. One thing to remember is that it’s okay to feel a wide variety of conflicting emotions. For example, while feeling sorrow you might also feel a great deal of anger and pity for your friend. People are complicated and our emotional responses reflect that.
I am sorry for your loss. In addition to the pain of losing a loved one, suicides often devastate loved ones who may not understand why it happened. In my case, I never found the answer. You might never find it either.
Odesio
An excellent book on the subject is Judy Colins’s “Sanity & Grief” about the suicide of her only child, Clark Taylor. The bottom line is you had nothing to do with your friend’s decision, and you should remember how he lived, not how he died.
Friend turned step-cousin did the same “seemed happy” suicide. Was completely out of the blue. the phone call I received the day it happened floored me. I had no emotions when i found out. I couldn’t express any kind of feelings. This happened May of 2005, the day before my HS graduation. Happened 6 years ago and here i am reading people’s threads, trying to get over it. I don’t think I ever will. Unfortunately, his suicide affected my ability to sustain current friendships and make new ones. I’ve met 2 people i can actually call friends in the six years, but i lost ALL but one of my friendships from before his suicide. I can’t tell you if other people get over a loved ones suicide, but I can tell you that I cannot. It might have affected me so bad, because he asked me for help the first time he was attempting suicide, and I was there for him. The second time, he didn’t call me and he died… I blame myself for his suicidal success the second time. I’m sorry that i typed so much. This is actually the first time i’ve talked or typed any other these thoughts. My advice to you is to talk to someone about it NOW. Don’t bottle it up, because it will destroy your relationships if you let it. I wish you and the rest of his loved ones the best.