[Homer]
Hickory dickory dock,
Two mice ran up the clock;
The clock struck one,
The other escaped.
ummmmm…D’OH![/Homer]
My physical chemistry lab textbook printed this apparently anonymous limerick:
Simon Langley invented the bolometer,
Which is really a kind of thermometer
That can measure the heat
Of a polar bear’s seat
At a distance of half a kilometer.
No mention of Thomas Pynchon in this thread?
There once was a thing called a V-2,
To pilot which you did not need to–
You just pushed a button,
And it would leave nuttin’
But stiffs and big holes and debris, too.
There was a young fellow named Crockett,
Who had an affair with a rocket.
If you saw them out there
You’d be tempted to stare,
But if you ain’t tried it, don’t knock it!
There was a young fellow named Pope,
Who plugged into an oscilloscope.
The cyclical trace
Of their carnal embrace
Had a damn nearly infinite slope.
There once was a fellow named Ritter,
Who slept with a guidance transmitter.
It shriveled his cock,
Which fell off in his sock,
And made him exceedingly bitter.
There once was a fellow named Schoreder,
Who buggered the vane servomotor.
He soon grew a prong
On the end of his schlong,
And hired himself a promoter.
There was a young man from Decatur,
Who slept with a LOX generator.
His balls and his prick
Froze solid real quick,
And his asshole a little bit later.
etc, etc.
There was a young man from Bombay
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
The heat from his dick
Turned it into a brick
Which rasped all his foreskin away
The perfidious Lemma of Dehn
Was ev’ry topologist’s bane,
'till Christos Pa-
pakyriako-
poulous proved it without any strain.
– J. Milnor
Integral z squared dz
from one to the cube root of three
times the cosine
of three pie over nine
equals log of the cube root of e.
There once was a mathematician
who enjoyed an exotic position.
'twas the joy of his life
to achieve with his wife
topologically complex coition.
A clever young man from Racine
made a masturbation machine.
But on the first stroke
the goddamn thing broke
and beat both his balls to a cream.
There once was a fellow from Limerick
who was incapable of writing a limerick.
When asked why this was,
he said, “It’s because
I’m actually from a few miles away in Cork, and there isn’t a poem called a Cork.”
And these two alternatives to this one -
There was a young man from Racine
Who invented a fucking machine.
Concave or convex it could serve either sex
- But, oh, what a bastard to clean.
Or
- With a cup underneath for the cream
Or
- And played with itself in between.
There once was an old limerick thread
And everyone thought it was dead
But CC revived it
With a new obscene bit
Maybe next time, we’ll fill it with lead
A mathematician named Klein
thought the Möbius strip was divine
Said he, if you glue
the edges of two,
You get a weird bottle like mine.
There was a young man of Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Great tufts of grass
Sprouted out of his arse
And his cock was covered with weeds,
And one by Dr A
There was a young woman of Decatur
Who went on a trip on a freighter
She was screwed by the master
An utter disaster
But the crew made up for it later!
In the musical vein:
There once was a man from Iraq
Who had mandolin strings in his jock
With his erections
He’d play you selections
From Bethoven, Mozart, and Bach
There once was a young man from Sparta
Who was a prodigious farter
On the gas from one bean
He’d do “God Save the Queen”
And Bethovens Moonlight Sonatta.
I don’t know if it’s “meta,” exactly, but
There once were two cats of Kilkenny.
Each thought that was one cat too many.
So they fought and they fit
And they scratched and they bit
Till
–Excepting their nails
And the tips of their tails–
instead of two cats, there weren’t any
does make a departure from standard form.
One I read from Asimov a long time ago:
On Saturn, the sexes are three,
Which makes it quite awkward, you see;
For performing con brio
Requires a trio
(And it even takes two for a pee).