Thread rules:
Lancel Lannister: “Order your man to step aside or there will be violence.”
Cersei Lannister (after a long pause): “I choose violence.”
“You have to keep moving, that’s the secret,” Tormund says. “Walking’s good, fighting’s better, fucking’s best.”
Oberyn Martell: “And what are you? His hired killer?”
Bronn: “Started that way, aye. Now I’m a knight.”
Oberyn Martell: “How did that come to pass?”
Bronn: “Killed the right people, I suppose.”
This was a great bit:
Meryn Trant: “Nobody threatens the king in the presence of the Kingsguard!”
Tyrion: “I’m not threatening the King, I am instructing my nephew. Bronn, if Ser Meryn speaks again, kill him.”
Tyrion [To Meryn]: “That was a threat. See the difference?”
Arya: “Polliver stole my sword and put it right through his neck. He’s still got it.”
The Hound: “Got what?”
Arya: “My sword, Needle.”
The Hound (sarcastic): “‘Needle.’ Of course you named your sword.”
Arya: “Lots of people name their swords.”
The Hound: “Lots of cunts.”
Maybe the funniest line of the entire series.
Sansa (interrupting Littlefinger): “No need to seize the last word, Lord Baelish. I’ll assume it was something clever.”
“Lots of cunts” is hard to beat, but if anyone can do it, it’s Tormund.
“If you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention”
Tyrion: “The Lord of Light wants his enemies burned. The Drowned God wants them drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where is the God of Tits and Wine?”
Varys: “In the Summer Isles, they worship a fertility goddess with sixteen teats.”
Tyrion: “We should sail there immediately.”
Daeneyric Cartgaryen: “Respect Mah Authoritah!”
Bronn, about Joffrey: There’s no cure for being a cunt.
Tyrion, expert on drinking and sex:
It’s not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy.
You can’t fuck your way out of everything!
I once bought a honeycomb and a jackass to a brothel. . .
Shaggar: How would you like to die, Tyrion, son of Tywin?
Tyrion: In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl’s mouth around my cock.
And, of course— That’s what I do: I drink and I know things.
See Rule 2.
Cersei: "“When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die.”
Sansa: I remember when you were born, my lady. You were named for my aunt Lyanna. It’s said she was a great beauty. I’m sure you will be too.
Lyanna Mormont: I doubt it. My mother wasn’t a great beauty, or any other kind of beauty. She was a great warrior, though. She died fighting for your brother Robb.
Lysa Arryn (to Bronn, after he wins a trial by combat): “You don’t fight with honour!”
Bronn: “No…” (pauses, gestures towards his dead opponent): “He did.”
Throwing in her face that more than once in the fight after hurting Vardis he paused, giving her the chance to call the fight and offer mercy, and she just made her champion die. And of course how silly it is to expect that in a duel to the death on behalf of someone else you will hew to some old format that’ll get *you *killed.
Sorry. Didn’t think to type 5 different posts.
And you may have that noticed Ser Davos picked up his grammar-nitpicking habits by the time he joined King Bran’s Small Council.