Among my favorites:
Ethnoclashistan
No Keyboard Laptop
Miracle of Birth
Mercy Hospital Turns Away Uninsured Patient (how relevant is THIS?)
8-Year-Old Accidentally Exercises Second Amendment Rights
Horribly Awkward First Sexual Encounter ‘Worth The Wait’ For Christian Newlyweds
Spoiled, Doughy Brat Makes Local Parent Feel Spiritually Whole
Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested
Red-Lace Nightie Portends Another Excruciating Night For Closeted Husband
Congress Asks Clinton For Permission To Have Congress Outside Today
I’ve always thought this one was kind of brilliant.
This was always my favorite point/counter-point. As always, the headlines (and headshots) alone are where the gold is.
I also liked the Onion In History with Archduke Franz Ferdinand proudly boasting, “No man can stop me!” They used to have those front pages as PDF files that through some finagling you could download and print out, and there were a lot of them. I remember two favorites: “super-intelligent ape-man from the future to defend Scopes” (said ape-man was Cornelius from Planet of the Apes); and my other favorite I still have a printout of, was “Feds gun down Nixon outside Arizona Motel”.
That one is pure genius!
A few of my favorite music-related stories:
Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me Jerry Garcia Was Dead?
Mothership Accidentally Descends on Hootie Concert
Two of my favorites:
Catholic couples sinning.
Inner city kids are good at the metric system.
Can’t read the Onion right now (blast you, stupid work firewall!!) but I’m laughing my ass off just reading the headlines!
That’s fantastic! However, I was a bit disappointed that they had people complaining about not knowing which gate to use, without using the built-in Trial reference. “Of course no one else is transferring at this gate. This gate was meant only for you…”
I can’t find a site, but IIRC Christopher Hitchens actually got pissed at the article about him:
Excerpt:
and apropos to the Dope
This is one of the few that cracked me up all the way through, rather than just in the headline: Bro, You’re A God Among Bros.
“You are Broseidon, lord of the brocean”.
Video: Congressman’s Son Won’t Shut The Hell Up During Hearing
Area Daughter Wearing Next To Nothing
I Just Don’t Trust The New Pastor Yet
Dog Urine Lowers Heart-Attack Risk, Say Snickering Researchers
Insane Clown Posse Gets Ride To Concert From Mom
That’s Not Funny; My Brother Died That Way
Man With Complete Mama’s Family Video Library Never Going On eBay Drunk Again
I Hope My Baby Doesn’t Come Out All Fucked-Up And Shit
Hedonistic Orgy Marred By Exclusively Overweight, Middle-Aged Participants
The Onion has always demonstrated to me that they have some kind of inside information regarding pharmaceutical marketing:
FDA Approves Sale Of Prescription Placebo
“All placebos are not the same,” Eli Lilly spokesman Giles French said. “Pacifex is the only placebo that’s green and shaped like a triangle. Pacifex: A doctor gave it to you.”
Pfizer Launches ‘Zoloft For Everything’ Ad Campaign
FDA Approves Depressant Drug for the Annoyingly Cheerful
“Critics say natural treatments can just as effectively crush your soul”.
One of my favorites since I first read it: The Onion | America's Finest News Source.
When the Onion gets it right, it’s hilarious. That seems to be happening less frequently lately, though (although the Frito Lay one recently was great).
Two recent videos about 9/11 are really good:
Americans observing 9/11 by not masturbating
9/11 Conspiracy Theories “Ridiculous,” Al Qaeda Says
The execution of the videos is always a lot better than the subjects.
Surprised this hasn’t shown up here.
My favorite introduction to Niccolò himself:
Area Applebee’s A Hotbed Of Machiavellian Political Maneuvering
That was the first article I ever read in the Onion; still my all time favorite.
[quote=“Rilchiam, post:4, topic:508657”]
I’ve been anticipating something, if “anticipate” is the right word. Jean Teasdale is established as a devoted Patrick Swayze fan. I daresay the woman who writes JT (and Jim Anchower; oddly enough, those are my two favorites) has long since composed Jean’s tribute to Swayze, and it will appear in the next issue after he finally succumbs. At any rate, I don’t see how she can’t acknowledge his death. And it’ll be interesting to see how Jean honors him.
…QUOTE]
We should be finding out soon…
In the last day’s of W’s presidency, the Onion reported many gratuitously painful accidents;
Bush’s Eyelid Accidentally Nailed to Wall.
I can’t find any more but there were plenty. It was a satisying way to say goodbye.