I had a friend who used “Hey, wanna be my next ex-wife?”
Nope, it never worked.
Damn, damn, damn, that’s my favorite, and I came in to post it. Oh well.
Mom’s favorite she ever had used on her: “Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”
Other terrible groaners:
Did it hurt? (What?) When you fell down from heaven.
Are your legs tired? 'Cause you’ve been running through my head all night.
Is there a mirror in your pants? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
Well fuck me if your name isn’t Gertrude!
For the worst pickup lines, see: Nuklear Power » Archive » Episode 024: “She’s a White Magic Woman.” and keep clicking “next” (there’s an explosion page immediately after the first page, just ignore it) until the Black Mage actually gets the White Mage to agree to join his party. This webcomic is extremely geeky.
THIS is classic!
I can’t believe your dad would use something like that.
I keep trying my favorite line but it never works. I wait until I catch some woman checking me out and then say:
What the fuck are you looking at?
It was a stranger in a bar. Whom she allegedly did not go home with… Allegedly.
Ivylad tells a story of one of his friend’s hitting on a girl at a bar. She apparently turned him down, to which he yelled at the top of his lungs “Are you nuts? $100 for a blowjob?!” before returning to his buddies. I thought that was pretty rude.
I’ve heard of a variation on that that supposedly works really well.
“Why are checking me out like I’m some kind of piece of meat? I have a mind, you know!”
There’s another variation that I use in places where people wear name tags.
“Hello, my eyes are UP HERE.”
It works pretty well, too, unless the woman doesn’t get the joke. Which is about half of the time.
I had a good comeback once.
The guy said “Want to go out for breakfast tomorrow?” Sould I call you or just nudge you?"
Without missing a beat I said “Write me”
I wish I was always that quick on the uptake.
“You don’t sweat much for a fat girl.”
Works like a charm!
I can see my kid using that one in a couple of years. Not quite 2 years old, and he’s already an incorrigible flirt.
The most outrageous one that was once used on me :
She : “Look at this. This is an icecube.”
Me : “Whu ?!”
smashes the icecube on the bar
She : “There. I broke the ice. What’s your name ?”
SHAKES’ post makes me wonder how young is too young to get issued a Man Card.
Step one: Achieve erection.
Step two: With a serious look, approach target.
Step three: “Look, we need to get something straight between us.”
I never used to use a pick-up line. What I did was stare at a girl, then lick my eyebrows. They went home with me very time.
Mine, who is 4-3/4, just went for the gusto. “Hey! I have an idea! How about some kisses?” Unfortunately, the girls’ (there were 2) father was there and he countered with, “How about some High-5s instead?”
I was always too shy to use pickup lines, but my bar-hoppin’ buddy back in the day would walk right up to whichever girl he was interested in and say, “Hi, I’m Andy. I couldn’t help but notice you checking me out from across the club…”
Worked almost every time.
Favorite one I’ve ever seen was written on a card he was carrying around. “Hi my name is ______. Smile if you want to have sex with me.” It’s very hard not to…
I think he played it wrong. After making small talk, and not asking her for a date, that’s when he should have, in mock outrage, shouted, “A hundred bucks?!”, and not walked away. I’ve seen that one work twice.