My job consists of mainly answering the phone day in and day out, and of course we have a standard opening (Thank you for calling blah blah…)
However, this is not enough (on many levels). I need more interesting ways to answer the phone before I go completely sideways with boredom. Suggestions?
“beeeep” - you’ve reached XYZ Company - please press 1 for ________, press 2 for ________, etc
ala - Kramer doing Moviephone on Seinfeld.
This is my standard way of answering the phone at work:
Good morning ( afternoon, or evening )
Thank you for calling XXXX.
I am always cheerful when I answer the phone. It makes a big difference. I could answer the phone for a living.
I’m always partial to “Bueno!”
Or, according to my Italian boss “Pronto!”
What insurance company do you work for misstee?
When I worked for a Chinese restaurant, I usually answered like so: “Restaurant Name?”
But when I got bored, I’d make it a little more professional, even though we weren’t a chain restaurant or even very professional: “Thanks for choosing the Valley Restaurant Name, home of General Tso’s chicken. Would you like to try a combination meal?”
I like the Moviephone idea…
“Thanks for calling Business Name. We are located on the north side at 12345 N. Madison. Please listen carefully to the following options, as our menu has changed. For sales, press or say 1. For accountz receevable, press or say 2. If you know your party’s extension, press or say 3. Otherwise, stay on the line and I will be with you shortly.”
I have a friend who answers his home phone as such:
“Good evening, Lady Lydia’s Latex Lair of Love, how may we service you this evening?”
He manages to say it incredibly fast and smoothly, and it’s a great way to get rid of telemarketers 
His friends know he answers the phone that way, and it’s great for getting rid of parents and other assorted weirdos.
[Monty Burns]“Ahoy-hoy!”[/Monty Burns]
You can only get away with this when really, really old people call though.
A friend of mine used to answer the phone
“Cook County Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, how may I help you?” telemarketers and sales people hung up instantly, the rest of us would just say,
“Hey Verg, hows it hanging?”
Damn you voguevixen - you beat me to it!
Oh, well.
[Homer]Yello?[/Homer]
Happy Harry’s Whore House, Where the Customer Always Comes First-this is Harry, how may I please you?
The irony of this is that I improved that line during a party at a friend’s house when the phone rang, and she told me to answer it. The caller was her Mom. :eek:
Mom was not amused, but we all had a good laugh afterwards.
I’m in customer service too, so I answer the phone “CityUtilitiesthisisCCarolhowc’nIhelpyou?” (I have to fight a tendency to answer the phone this way at home, too.) One of these days, though, I’m going to snap, and answer the phone by snarling “Yeah, whaddaya want?” It’ll get me fired, but I think it’ll be worth it.
“Smith’s my name, guess you know yours.”
“Melmo Uranium, whatcha need?”
“I told you never to call me here!”
Never say, “yes” on the phone until you know who you’re talking to. That’s how slammers change your phone service. “Is this Mr. Nott?” It is. “Is your address 2323 Street Ave?” That’s the place. “Do you still live there?” Sometimes.
“Joe’s Mule Barn. Head Ass speaking.”
Filters out the telemarketers and collection agencies.
I was, for many, many years a Secretary/Receptionist for the Executive Suite in a Government Department. I was always complimented on my phone manner. You know what the secret is to having a pleasant telephone manner? It doesn’t mean so much what you say, just always make sure you’re actually smiling while you’re talking on the phone.
It really does make a big difference to how you actually sound to the caller.
Instead of saying “hello” I say “yellow”.
Some of my favorites:
“Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles”
“What?”
“Yea?”
“Mhmmm?” (Think Slingblade)
Similar to myrnajean’s:
County morgue, you kill 'em, we chill 'em.
Or you could use this old standby from “Calvin and Hobbes”:
(phone rings, Calvin picks up)
CALVIN: Hello, I’d like to order a large anchovy pizza.
CALLER: What?! I. . .
CALVIN: Oh, I’m sorry. You must have dialed the wrong number.
(hangs up)
For a while I used to answer the phone with “Hi, can I speak to Gavin please?” - then I’d wait while the gears crunched.