I’ve got a neighbor that has been honking their horn almost everytime they perform a pickup for their kids. It appears that they are unwilling to get out of the vehicle to alert the kids that they are in the driveway and instead honk the horn to get their attention, this happens anywhere from 7am - 9am. They have a very large family and it has resulted in sometimes more than one instance of honking in a day and their kids, ages ranging from very young to teens, have seemingly grown accustomed to the honking as they utilize it themselves when playing or likewise performing a pickup.
My problem lies in the fact that I have no experience in approaching a neighbor to make a polite request that they discontinue the honking and replace it with something equally as effective yet more subtle such as a cell/home phone call or walkie talkies. I’ve heavily considered leaving a letter on their door/car/mailbox that descriptively and politely requests my wishes as I feel I can more accurately depict what I want on paper rather than in person.
I feel their are advantages/disadvantages to approaching them in person such as having an immediate presence, them knowing who is being affected and realizing that every time they happened to continue to honk they would be pissing off that person. A disadvantage to the in person approach could be that I’d approach one of their kids honking and making the request to them would possibly be unreliable so I’d feel I’d have to make an additional request to the owners. A letter on the other hand would preserve your identity and could more accurately describe what you wanted in addition to more likely reaching the head of the household. I’d likely sign the letter with a nearby fake address so that they wouldn’t feel insecure about the anonymity of the letter.
While this neighbor seems to have a reasonably nice family I can’t picture myself approaching them personally to request that they stop honking unless I was prepared to approach them in the act of doing it. It seems like it would have a lot more effect to walk up to them while they’re laying on the horn in their driveway with the just out of bed look rather than just knocking on their door later on in the day, I suppose you would eliminate all possibilities of them saying “I don’t know anything about that,” by doing so.
The General Questions forum is for questions with factual answers. Since this seeks advice and opinions, it belongs in our In My Humble Opinion forum. I will move it there for you.
Moving thread from General Questions to In My Humble Opinion.
I would not approach any of the kids. Adult only. Kids can misunderstand you, misrepresent what you say or just generally freak out and escalate the whole thing. Sounds like these people are long in the habit of honking at one another, and may be resistant to change, so I would definitely try to find the right approach, the right phrasing, to avoid any flare-ups. Not sure what that approach is. But I don’t think an anonymous letter would do any good. Do you converse at all? Some nice, neutral conversation before you introduce this issue could help.
You shouldn’t have to, of course, but if you feel like going above and beyond to be accommodating and neighborly, buy 'em one of those driveway “doorbell” thingies and give it to them as a present to you and them both.
I do like the neutral conversation part, I would prefer to approach them in person overall. Agreed on the kids misunderstanding the request, I’ll make an effort to reach out to the parents.
I’d list a fake non existing address in a nearby location as I realize that they could approach an actual one. Will check my local noise ordinances as well.
This is a good idea as they’d really have to be against the idea of changing to not take up a option already bought for them.
Good examples to use, I feel if I practiced what to say I would be a lot more confident in my verbal exchange. I suppose if I did approach the vehicle the next time they do it and it was the kids then I’d be able to just walk up to their front door and request the parents.
Ask them nicely. Tell them why it bothers you.
If they refuse to cooperate. Buy a 30 dollar air horn and install it on your property. Next time they honk, blast them. They will get the picture.
There was a woman who would pull into the driveway across the street from my bedroom window and incessantly honk for her (I guess) car pool rider. I just put a note in their mailbox: “If she keeps honking her horn I’m going to call the police for disturbing the peace”. I didn’t mind doing it as they were a bunch of low lifes. It worked.
I agree with the whole idea of just talking to the parents. Frankly, the whole idea of honking the horn to let someone know you’re there just isn’t necessary anymore with the ubiquity of cell phones. And, also, if it’s part of a routine, then they should be more or less prepared and waiting anyway. Frankly, if I called and they didn’t pick up, I’d just assume they weren’t ready and if I felt like something was wrong, a honk wouldn’t do any more to notify them that I was there, and I’d knock on the door.
Either way, chances are talking will work fine. If not, the possibility of noise ordinances tend to end somewhere in the 7-9am frame, so they may be outside of the times in your area, but some places forbid unnecessary honking at any time. You may also have some additional rules if you are both renting and have a common landlord or you have an HOA or are in a planned community. If all of that fails and they’re being jerks about it, you can sue in civil court, but that’s obviously a last resort.
Exactly what was said about polite conversation with an adult. Either when you casually see them out and about, or walk up and ring the bell. Don’t feel bad about not relishing the prospect of this conversation - few people do. But it is the way these sort of situations are best addressed in a society.
Of course, I’d go into it with VERY low expectations. The adult might tell you to pound sand, and I’d be shocked if a municipality had a noise ordinance that prevented horn honking during daytime hours. Or they might say they’ll stop, but then not follow through, whether because they don’t consider it important or because they are in a habit and simply forget.
Personally, I would never dream of honking to get someone to come out, and did not allow my kids’ friends to honk for them. And, like others say, if my kid knows I’m picking them up at a certain time, they’d better be ready and looking out the window. But not everyone shares my opinions as to the courtesy you owe your neighbors and expectations of my kids. They probably are not bad people - it is possible that they simply do not care about this noise the way you do, and as such, are may not be willing to change when they think this system works for them.
So you have to decide how far you are going to take this. Do you want this to turn into a neighborhood feud? Get authorities involved? The cops might be willing to talk to them, or they might simply tell you it isn’t against the law. Or, if they are otherwise decent neighbors, what can you do to make it less irritating to you. Keep the windows on that side of the house closed during the morning? Keep a radio on as distraction? That might end up being the only type of thing you are able to control.
But you want to at least have the conversation. If you don’t, you’ll just stew, feeling emasculated and victimized. I’d definitely avoid the anonymous letter route or (as appealing as it might seem) retribution/escalation.
My approach would start with BBQ ribs. Ask them to bring some coleslaw. Midway through the meal as you’re all chatting and enjoying yourselves, say “Hey, about all that honking… is there an alternative?”
I firmly believe the goal with neighbors should be to establish a friendship first. You don’t want to wind up in the situation where they see you knocking on their door and think “Oh, great. What’s he complaining about now?” Much better to have them thinking “Those ribs were really tasty.”
Have certainly considered such tactics, preferably I’d give such a neighbor a taste of their own medicine without bothering my other neighbors as I like them
Very glad that worked for you, sounds like a neighbor I used to have that used to have his ex trying to break into the home through the window, then the guy got a dog that barked every time someone neared the fence, then he started honking, thankfully he moved out.
Honking really does seem like it’s outdated yet individuals such as this neighbor don’t realize it can bother others. I’d hate to have to go through law enforcement and even the court system to achieve my wishes but it certainly is a possibility with some homeowners I suppose.
I’d try asking politely, but with low expectations. If someone’s oblivious enough to the conventions of polite society to think that it’s acceptable to honk their horn at 7AM, then they’re likely to react with hostility to anyone who suggests that it’s an inconsiderate thing to do.
While I am happy to be friends with some of my neighbors, my primary goal is to be polite and respectful towards them all. Friendly, w/o being friends. My wife and I describe it as being a “Hey neighbor.” When you see your neighbor outside the house, you smile and say “Hey,” and then both go about your business. Of course, whenever doing anything that might affect your neighbors’ enjoyment of their property, or that is outside the neighborhood norm, you at least take that into consideration.
Anything more friendly runs the risk - if things change, you’re still living next to each other. Easier to maintain a cordial distance, than a friendship.
This is a rather straightforward problem of the type that normal adults inevitably face. The first approach is, as others have said, to deal with it as an adult and have a polite face-to-face conversation. No ultimatums, no buying presents, no bribery, no threats. Just talk.
Leaving a note is what kids do to ask a girl out: “Do you like me, check yes or no!”
Of course, if the polite conversation tactic fails, one could consider other things that kids may do, like ding-dong-ditch at 3am. If that fails, you’ll probably have to go with the flaming bag of poo that’s attached to one of those squeeze-bulb bicycle horns. They’ll get the message.
I’m not saying you should be BFFs or make them best man at your wedding. But having more relationship than just “Hey neighbor” makes sense to me as well. Otherwise, you really don’t have much contact with them except in situations that are potentially adversarial.
