Betcha never read that before

Compose a single coherent sentence that you believe has never been written before in the history of history. (Nonsense sentences don’t count.)

I’ll start…

Abraham Lincoln took his panties out of the dryer and folded them delicately while two Tibetan monkeys danced on his head.

I, Kuboydal, have complete and utter confidence in the ability of the United States Government to do what is right for the people and the environment not only in their own country but in the entire world.

“That gray-haired lady is somehow able to make the hippo do her bidding.”

My first thought when hearing my mom say this is “I’ll bet that sentence has never been uttered or written before in the history of civilization”. It was her response to a photo of a hippo pulling a small boat with an elderly woman on board.

“I pit the California Raisins for being so wrinkly.”

Paging Boyo Jim

The lion pounced, knocking the wind right out of me and pinning me to the ground, but I fought for my very life and managed to succeed in beating him back with a bag of dry vermicelli.

For the first time in recorded history, and for reasons not quite understood in Botswana, Clarice refused Reynaldo’s own personal-sized box of pea soup.

Annie-Xmas loves George W. Bush, voted for him twice and intends to vote for him in 2008 as a write-in candidate, while all the while she is carrying on a secret torrid affair with Hillary Clinton.

“If you hadn’t pulled string beans from the ersatz Balinese cold collation, Persephone, my pince-nez would not have exuded squid ink all over the counterpane,” enounced Séamus, inscrutably.

Carlos begged Wayne to braid his hair, and he might have succeeded if the warden’s Shetland pony didn’t pick that very moment to vomit butterscotch pudding all over the incoming power lines, electrocuting himself and darkening half of the prison.

And the Oscar goes to, “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry!”

“Whither marzipan?” cried Eric, as he slumped to the floor of the Duke d’Oc’s oubliette.

President George W Bush was greeted by hordes of cheering Democratic supporters as he appeared on the balcony after signing the treaty of friendship and recognition with Somaliland.

The tap-dancing snails were only outclassed by the defenstrating monkeys brought in by the veruncular Professor Quidgit.

All of the Star Wars’ fans brought a date to the event.

As Bianca sadly regarded the pan-seared salmon, she reflected upon the state of her life that had gotten her to this point, and realized it had been a mistake to insult the King of Greece.

Kindly old Cthulhu spoke up, advocating mercy for the audacious pair: “Let’s eat and kill them, now!”*

*Actual line from a story I wrote.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times – but more importantly, it was time for kipper.”

There’s probably, like, five porn rings dedicated to exactly this imagery.

“Something has exploded jumentously up in the zebra-infested blue moon!” cried the valgus whipjack.

(Shut up, they are totally words, I have a cite.)