Better to have loved and lost?

In My Humble Opinion
41

Too many interesting ideas to comment on, so let me jjust share my story.

I was a really insecure kid, the kind of nerd who, partly because of my handicap, kids pick on most, probably. Well, this one girl Angela, was always such good friends with me, even took time to learn my made up songs and do silly stuff with me on the playground. We became really close freinds. In fact, I knew from my grandparents that that was an essential of marriage, & in an assembly once I even told a friend I was going to marry her, which brought laughter from those around us.

but, you know, I said if she didn’t marry me I had someone else in mind. I cared about her, because she did the same for me. And, when she moved away in 5th grade, and told me she always liked playing with me and such the day before, it was reallys weet. I felt loss, but just to know she like me too was something special.

And yu know, I have had girlfriends off and on since (I’m 34 now), but nothing can approach the deep friendship we shared. And, in a way, I think I loved her. Maybe more as the “friend that sticketh closer than a brother” type from the Bible, but I’d say I felt love. Maybe a little different from your 3 options, Dioptre, except maybe some of option 3, but i still care about her. You know that song "The Diary,’ by Bread? i think it really typifies how I feel about her - because I wish for her and pray for her all the sweet things that she would ever desire.

 Ah, yes, to have loved and lost is far sweeter, because though I never got her forwarding address (which was dumb, but I wasn't a good pen pal anyway in 5th grade), I know someone cared a lot about me, and who may even now pray for me, too.  Even though i had a great, loving family, that memory - true love or not - is always there, and helps me through rough times sometimes.
42

I don’t know how to post links but if you look for a post of mine

‘Last Night I dreamed of my late wife’ I think you will find the answer there.

I posted it some weeks back in this forum, maybe someone else can point you to it.

43

I hate being the one to point out logical flaws in great poetry, but this question really can’t be answered truthfully, can it? “Never loved at all” and “loved and lost” are two sets of experiences that are mutually exclusive. One cannot have done both (for the duration of your existence), so how can one compare the two without resorting to secondhand experiences related by acquaintances? And since love is such a subjective emotion, how do you know that you’d feel the same way about love that they did?

Has anyone here never fallen in love, doesn’t want to, and will agressively try NOT to fall in love for the remainder of their life? I’d be interested in hearing the reasons behind that kind of decision.

FTR, I am glad that I have fallen in love and had to feel the exquisite pain of it’s loss. I was very happy to find out that I had the capability to feel love and I relish every time it happens. I don’t look forward to it’s loss (who does?), but I realize that it’s a possibility every time I fall and it’s never deterred me. Feeling loss (of any kind, not just love) is a growing experience for me.

spogga, here’s your link: I dreamed of my late wife last night, and I agree that that’s the worst kind of “loved and lost”. :frowning:

44

Here’s your thread Spogga - not here but in MPSIMS. You got some great responses there, and I wish you well deserved future happiness. :slight_smile:

Julie

45

No. No, no, and no. Until you’ve felt that way about someone (it’s pretty hard to define, but something just sort of slides into place), you don’t know that you’re missing it. You don’t know that you need it.

46

All of you are lying. You are trying to convince yourselves that you have not squandered your time on failed investments in love. Stop lying, or at least stop lying so transparently!

47

Nope, not lying. At worst we deceiving ourselves. Without laying down our stake money how could we have “won”? So you go bankcrupt a couple of time? So what, if you pick yourself up, dust yourself down and go again, older and wiser. How many successful businessmen have had to have a couple of ventures fail first?

In fact, if I have learnt anything from experiences it is that love does not work like the stock market - it is more like gambling on the horses. You cannot expect a return, all you can do is place your bet and watch the race. At least you get to be the jockey :wink:

Of course that many compulsive gamblers end up broke is simply tells us that compulsive behaviour in any sphere of life is damaging. So long as you are aware that when you place your stake it is no longer in your control you should be able to deal with what happens.

48

No way. Before I knew what love was like, I didn’t bloody care. I was barely curious. A few years down the road and a few “loved and losts” and I wish I didn’t know. Although option #3 I could see as working out that way.