Beware the Lithuanian ass-lizards!

[Revtim]

I actually released this one into the wild something like a year ago, but I think it was too silly to take off.

> ALWAYS LINE YOUR WICKER WASTE BASKETS WITH PLASTIC!!!
>
> Jack Lithgow of Acalpal, Washington, a single man, went to “Trader
> Glenn’s” to buy furnishings for his new apartment. Among other
> things, he purchased a wicker basket to be used as a waste basket.
> When he got home, he placed it in his bedroom. It was not his habit
> to line waste baskets with plastic trash bags.
>
> About a week later, he began to suffer from an increasingly powerful
> RECTAL ITCH. No matter how much he bathed, the itch got worse and
> began to turn into RECTAL PAIN. He tried to examine his rectum in a
> mirror, but could not. He decided to visit a proctologist.
>
> Once the proctologist began examining Jack’s rectum, he immediately
> grew alarmed and checked Jack into a hospital. Without explanation,
> Jack was immediately operated on.
>
> It seems that the wicker basket Jack bought had been imported from
> Lithuania, and had been full of nearly invisible LIZARD EGGS. When
> Jack put USED CONDOMS or SEMEN-SOAKED TISSUES (from masturbating)
> into the basket, the SEMEN activated the EGGS, and the tiny lizards
> hatched. The closest place they could find similar in temperature
> and humidity to their mother’s cloaca was JACK’S RECTUM.
>
> The baby lizards irritated his RECTAL FLESH, and began to feed from
> his BLOOD-ENGORGED HEMMEROIDS. The Dr had to remove so much of
> Jack’s rectum that he is now anally incontinent, and has to wear
> adult diapers.
>
> The lesson to be learned from Jack’s horrific ordeal is to ALWAYS
> LINE YOUR WICKER WASTE BASKETS WITH PLASTIC!!
>

[Revtim]

Oh, shit. I waa trying to post this into the “post your own urban legends” thread. Do’h!

[Czarcasm]

Well, go post it over there, and I’ll lock this off, o.k.?