I snipped out the bits where you’re dead-on and have great questions/thoughts. But this bit, “I’m sure the LDS would have something to help with bills and the nursing…”
Maaaaybe not quite so much as one might think.
The church does have a charity program. I have never heard of the church helping with medical bills or nursing. Some people, after going deep into debt, getting second jobs, and borrowing from family, might still go to the bishop and ask for help with groceries or rent or something. Charity giving is left up to the discretion of individual bishops and mormons have very much a pioneer-spirit pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps sort of mentality. Most mormons would rather gnaw their own feet off before asking for help and most bishops would gladly sit back and watch before giving the help. Many bishops will advise families to exhaust every other possible resource, including bleeding their parents dry, before they are willing to cut a check or hand over a food voucher.
We just had a long thread about the church’s charity programs on the postmormon boards. People posted their experiences when they just got into trouble with bills or lost a job or something (no cancer diagnoses mentioned). Not one had gotten regular help (as in every week or once a month) consistently. Some people had been asked to work on church farms or in the canneries to pay with labor for whatever food/groceries were being given out. The bishops are supposed to help anyone who asks, but they can determine if they think the person is taking advantage, or gaming the system, and just say no. Often, they will not give help to anyone who isn’t paying tithing. (It always comes down to that. :rolleyes:)
Mainstream Christians might ask, how can you pay tithing when you can’t even afford diapers?
And that would be a damn good question, which I cannot answer. That is exactly why some people leave. And no, we cannot understand what happens to the tithing that is paid in because when people ask for help, you’d think it would be like Social Security and you’d get something back out. However, it just doesn’t seem to work that way, generally speaking.
So, in Barb’s case with a cancer diagnosis and three kids, the Relief Society (that women’s group I mentioned upthread) would have probably passed a meal signup sheet and sent women over there with casseroles. Maybe they would have asked the Young Women to go help clean the house or babysit the kids (I gave up a lot of free babysitting back in the day). In my personal experience with the church, that sort of service to others is kind of hit or miss. People don’t do it because they care about the person, they do it because then they get to check off “community service/charity” off their salvation checklist. Some people will blow off their obligation or not show up. After a few weeks, the family might not hear from anyone. Or, there might be loving support and lots of casseroles every day for six months. Depends on the ward, depends on the people in it, depends on the prevailing attitude of the bishop of that ward. Some wards will absolutely rally around a family and help them with whatever they need. Those are usually the popular, “rock star” families of a given ward. (There’s a family or two like that in every ward for some reason, who are perceived as über-spiritual and special.)
In the thread at postmormon, some people mentioned having had surgery – like a c-section for twins – and never once did anyone acknowledge the birth of the baby, inquire as to the health of mom and baby, nor did anyone show up with a casserole. Ever. One guy posted that, say, a few days after the c-section, his bishop approached him and asked if his wife would be back at church next week to play the organ. He was more concerned about the woman “fulfilling her calling” than he was that she’d had major abdominal surgery and a newborn to care for. Then the husband beat himself up on our boards talking about, “Why the hell did I even go to church that day and leave my wife home alone when she needed me?” And it was because he was obligated to his calling and the guilt of blowing that off just one Sunday to help his wife out was way too overwhelming, so he went to church and did his job.
It’s entirely reasonable to me, based on these types of stories and my personal experiences, that Barb and Bill had to turn to Bill’s family – which would be the compound – for assistance because they just weren’t getting consistent help from the local mainstream LDS ward. Not the help they needed anyway.
Oh, but yeah, adoption is pretty common among mormons. It seems clear that Barb and Bill must not be all that bright because that never occurred to them.
There is a heirarchy of priesthood authority (lower levels can only perform certain ordnances while higher levels can do more), so you are correct, in a way, in referring to the head of household as The priesthood holder.