Is it conceited for a couple to show their wedding day photo on their wall?
Does it matter where or how big the photo is?
The long version of the question:
So my soon-to-be fiance and I were talking about living arangements. She’s selling her house and moving in with me for about a year after the wedding so we have ample time to do a proper hunt for a new house.
I want to make sure that she feels that this is her house as well as mine, so I’ve agreed that she can redo the living and dining room to her tastes. This means we’ll be ripping out the carpets, replacing some paneling with drywall, and painting some other walls. Big project.
And today she made it clear that she wants to replace my BIG (30"x40") picture of a mountain creek with a picture of our wedding day. This picture is currently the focal point of the dining room.
He says: That’s a vain and conceited thing to do, especially so large and in such a prominent place.
She says: I wouldn’t feel that it was my house unless we had a picture of our wedding prominently on our wall.
He says: If you really feel it’s necessary, we can put a smaller picture somewhere like in the bedroom.
She says: It needs to be here, it needs to be big, and I’d like it to have us and the entire wedding party there. It helps to say that this is our house.
Personally, I would feel embarrassed to be so narcissistic as to have a shrine to oneself like that. Even if it were a smaller picture on the wall in the living room.
I have an 11 x 0 wedding picture of my spouse and myself on the family room wall. It’s surrounded by pictures of my kids. I’ve known a lot of people with wedding pictures on their wall. What’s the big deal? It is an important day in your life, celebrate it.
Have you given any thought to using one of those big multi-picture frames? That way you could have, say, an 8x10 of you and your wife in the center, surrounded by smaller photos of your attendants and family members.
Or you could have them framed separately but grouped together in the same sized space. That way, you wouldn’t have nearly three square feet of YOU looking at you all the time. (Mine and my sister’s high school graduation pictures are arranged in such a way in my mom’s living room that, no matter where you happen to be sitting, it looks like one of us is attempting to stare a hole in your skull. VERY creepy. Not that we’re creepy looking or anything.)
You aren’t going to win this arguement by soliciting other people’s opinions: what do you hope to gain here–“look, honey, a bunch of strangers on the internet agree that your instincts show you to be self-absorbed!” Either she won’t take stangers seriously–so it’s irrelevant–, or, if she does, she’ll take seriously the fact that her taste in decoration is considered tacky. There is no win here.
This is y’all’s house and what matters is what y’all want. It’s ok for you to feel the way you do about the wedding photo–you don’t have to justify you feelings by proving they are more “normal” than hers–we aren’t gonna live in your house. We don’t matter.
However, there’s also nothing wrong with how she feels, and she doesn’t have to justify her feeling based on how “normal” they are, anyway–you are marrying her, not any average woman that happens to show up at the ceremony. She wants a big wedding picture. Who knows why? It says “married” to her. She ought not have to justify this any more than you’d expect to justify why you like whatever you like.
So you need a compromise that fufills both your needs, not one that is more popular with a bunch of strangers.
I would suggest the following: I think that it the image of the wedding photo floating all alone on a blank wall is why it seems so over powering. Like Qwisp describes, wedding photos are often part of a collection of photos. Why don’t you suggest that she have one wedding photo blown up and framed, but that around it she hang smaller–but still good sized–photos of her family and your family and your mutual friends and the dog and leave one blank frame for a photo from the honeymoon? THat way she gets the photo she wants but the whole thing taken together will look like you value friends nad family–a value you do share, I suspect–not like you are obsessed with reliving that special day.
The first couple of years you will have the Wedding Day picture proudly and prominently displayed.
Why not, it’s your day and it cost loads of money to have that picture taken.
One day, when you realize you haven’t dusted that picture in a while and you cannot find a decent thing to do it with, it will be taken down and then somehow, all on it’s own accord, hide for years.
After a couple of years (10) seeing a huge picture on the wall, is rather obnoxious and See-us-Ain’t-we-Wonderful?
One of our neighbor has a rather huge picture of them prominently on the wall. It is a good picture of them, per se, but they chose one of those backdrops ( sunset or something that looks like a flare gun went off in the background.) and it is just cheesy. I wince every time I look at it.
Having a photo gallery in a hallway or something, I think, is the way to go.
I think it’s nice to have a wedding picture on the wall, many people do that. I will confess that I think the size your fiancee is talking about is a little big for my tastes, personally I wouldn’t want it to dominate a room like that. But hey, that’s just my opinion.
My grandparents have a large photo of them hanging in the center of their living room wall. On one side are four oval 8x10 frames, containing my dad’s senior picture from highschool, our most recent family photo (dad, mom, sister, me), my senior picture from highschool, and my sister’s most recent school photo.
On the other side is my dad’s sister (my aunt)‘s senior photo from highschool, a family photo (her, my uncle, their two kids), one of each of their kids’ senior photos. Now, both of those kids are married, so they ALSO have their family photos, and photos of each of THEIR kids (my grandparents’ great-grandchildren).
Personally I think a large framed wedding picture displayed prominently in your living room is just awful. I have seen this in some people’s homes and it’s a real roll eyes moment, I think it’s both tacky and cheesy. Smaller framed wedding or family photos sitting on mantle pieces or pianos are fine but not hanging there in pride of place. Bad, bad taste. If you must have one, hang it in your family room not the living/dining room.
That large and in the middle of the living room? It’s grotesque and tasteless. You have married an unsubtle women without taste who is determined to have her way. Even big breasts won’t compensate for bad taste. You’re just plain screwed.
Thats a really large picture and it wouldn’t be to my tastes. I would argue for a much smaller one somewhere else in the house. Look for some artwork that you both like and make that a compromise.
You two aren’t going to be living together in that particular house for all that long, right? The plan is to find a new house reasonably quickly, right? I would say that you ought to give in on this issue, look like a super-nice guy to your sweetie, and revisit the issue when you’re decorating your new home.
She probably won’t be quite so adamant at that point, since it’ll be a house you found together, not a house that you lived in first and she moved into later – no need for “marking her turf” battles like this.
Thanks for the perspectives, y’all. Much appreciated.
Manda Jo - your response especially made me stop and think. As for what I expected to gain here: if the answers implied that I was completely out of the mainstream of thinking I would look at the scenario differently. If on the other hand the responses were mixed, I figured there would be some additional insight provided here or there (your post is a shining example) that would be beneficial.
There are a lot of things she and I don’t see eye-to-eye on. Since this is the first relationship for both of us that has gotten this far, we’re still learning the tools for solving disagreements like this. This disagreement is also a perfect example, because there seems to be no middle ground: either the picture is on the wall or it isn’t. (special thanks to the previous posters who also suggested a compromise).
When I woke this morning I realized that this picture wouldn’t be in this house all that long anyway. When it comes time to show the house to sell it, all good house-selling strategists suggest that personal pictures like wedding pictures should come down.
Though I also like SilverFire’s advice… might have to consider that one.
I have been in homes where the only decorations were wedding artifacts, and the effect did indeed say something about the people who lived there – that they are boring and self-absorbed. Is that all that your fiancee has to say about herself – “Look at us, we got married!”? Yes, you and half the planet. Get over yourself.
At this point I will confess that there is an 8x10 (matted size) picture of Mr. S and me in our wedding clothes (we took the pics in our apartment a few weeks beforehand) hanging in our front hallway. But there are also plenty of other wall items and objects on display in the house that say plenty clearly that this is our house: books, musical instruments, hobby items, dog toys, heirlooms, artwork, photos of family and friends, and on and on. (I might also add that if you did not know us personally, you would have a hard time telling between “his” and “hers” items.) We are about much more than one day 14 years ago.
Grossening and tasteless. No one gives a shit about your wedding pictures but you two, sorry to say. If you want to be gracious hosts (it sounds like she’s planning to entertain a lot), put up something that will reflect your tastes and evoke thought or emotion in the people that will be viewing it. Hint: It ain’t that picture.
Okay, that doesn’t solve your problem, does it? Here’s some thoughts:
Agree to display the hideous monstrosity for 1 or 2 years (those giddy, early days of marriage). Even I could choke down that piece ostentatious crap for that long;).
Suggest that she create a little “permanent honeymoon” feeling in the bedroom. Buy her sexy lingerie, feather mules, surround yourselves with wedding pictures and little satin “ring-bearer” pillows, and engraved champagne glasses. And hang that sucker over the bed (or better yet, mount it on the ceiling) . It’ll be like a permanent honeymoon suite :rolleyes: .
Consult some decorating magazines (and maybe an etiquette book) and show her that it’s just not done.
Remind her that marriage is compromise, and that you will only meet her half-way. It’s up to her to do the rest. Tell her that married couples who begin their life together warring about something like this are headed for some pretty rocky territory – when you have to decide on how to discipline the kids, spend your money, or if your sick parent will live with you. This situation is trivial, but a good indicator of how things will pan out in the future.
I’m mostly kidding here…hope you didn’t take offense. Congratulations on your new life together.
I think she needs confirmation that this house will be your house together, and not his house that she lives at. That picture prominatly displayed is a statement that she has a place in that house too and it is just as much hers as yours.
Photographs displayed period, regardless of who they are, are just sorta creepy to me. It reminds me of when a person is dead, and they’re body can’t be viewed at a funeral (which is another even more creepy tradition!–but also another thread), so they prop a photo of the deceased during the funeral.
My mom has a walls full of photos of everyone (including her dog), all in different frames, and each looks like she took a nail, hammered it randomly into the wall, and hung a stupid photo. It looks like crap, is disorganized and tacky beyond belief. Although it’s her house, it’s somewhat bizarre to have everyone staring into the room at different stages in their lives. Weird, just completely weird.
I had photos of my kids at work at one point, after I’d given into co-worker’s pressures of “Don’t you have any photos of your kids?” I suppose they thought my kids were horribly deformed (they’re not), so I brought in photos for my office, only to take them down when it just became too weird for me having my kids all googled eyed in my office.
And I’m also a male and don’t understand the ways of women.