Bizzaro Jobs, what yours?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Bizzaro Jobs!

I figured it’d be fun to describe how our jobs would be different in the Bizzaro-verse, since the BV is basically the reverse of this world…

For me it’d be;

Bizzaro Computer “Un-Repair”

You have working computer, oh, that too bad, bring to MacTech, Me break computer for you…

You have working hard drive, here, me get magnets and hold them on case, there, data scrambled beyond repair, wait, drive still spinning, that not good, hold on, let us get sledgehammer
<WHACK!>
there, drive all bad now, it no longer spin, me pay you $90/hr for priveledge of smashing hard drive…

Oh, Mr. customer, me see you have brand-old BookPro Mac, it nice and shiny and new, me cannot have that, here, let us take it to top of stairs, whoops, me slipped, at least computer bounce well, got lots of airtime bouncing down stairs, here, you take this box of laptop parts and do not enjoy

no thank you, do not come again!

okay, your turn now, what Bizzaro-Job you have?

2

OOoh… I like this game!

I’d be still be a Process Analyst in Bizzaro World.

Except my job would involve taking a process that works perfectly well and figuring out how to insert several unecessary steps that would make it take twice as long, require that you send multiple requests to other departments only to have them ultimately route back to you, and eventually completely screw up the customer’s billing so that they can call back again to start the cycle all over again.

In other words… FUN! :slight_smile:

3

I’d be energetic and ambitious.

[sub]shudder…[/sub]

4

There would be no SDMB in my bizarro job…

:: faints::

5

I’d be a heterodontist.

6

In Bizzaro World I would enjoy doing a necessary activity for the betterment of mankind for substantial compensation.

7

In Bizarro World, my job is to take toys away from little children.

8

I’d be making more typos than usual instead of fixing them.

9

I’d be burning newspapers and erasing information, actually it would be kinda Orwellian…

10

I’d be right there with you. I’d also be making foreign language texts into English language texts using the Monthy Python ‘Hungarian Phrase Book’ sketch as my bible.

11

I would be erasing the text from our brochures, newsletters, website, and calendar, and encouraging our customers not to buy those brochures I’m erasing.

12

Me keep theater seats as empty as possible. Someone want buy tickets? Me have staff who say NO! NO TICKETS!

13

I would be deliberately cruel to disabled children and starve baby animals.

I think my bizarro job is the most despicable one in the thread so far. Go, me!

14

in Bizzaro world me stand in pit. You drive car over my head. I break things on your car. Me over tighten drain plug and strip threads so it leaks. Or me leave it loose so it leaks. Or me manage to break aluminum oil pan. Me sometimes forget to tell you to turn off engine before me drain oil.
me sell you shit you not need. Me fill your transmission with wrong fluid. Me forget to fill rear axle with fluid after draining it.
When you come back and complain, me tell you it was like that when you drove in.
me not know jack shit about cars.
In a Bizzaro world I would be this world’s standard issue Jiffy Lube employee.
:eek:
I don’t want to go to Bizarro world.

15

I would steal and horde all of your beer.

I’d have the greatest bizzaro job ever!!!

16

Bizarro computer networking, hmmm…

Your Internet works well? Quick, call Spiny. I tell you to go out, find viruses, worms, spyware. Also download lots and lots of Netflix movies and watch streaming video. Also, go buy wireless router at Fry’s and plug in at office.

You server guy, you have problem? You find problem, fix yourownself, no need to call Spiny. Spiny sit in his cube in peace and quiet, finding ways to make network less redundant, less reliable, make stuff break more often.

It late at night, you feel need to call network engineer? You stop, think, say “it’s not so bad, Spiny needs sleep too, can wait till 'morrow.”

Sad. Spiny like Bizarro world.

17

Bizarro advertising?

I’d be a consumer advocate.

18

In Bizarro World, I’d siphon gas out of people’s cars, ship it across the ocean and pump it down handy holes in the desert.

19

In Bizarro world me have been the guy who go into school boiler rooms and add acids, aromatics and dyes to your boiler’s water, that would do things like eat through your fire tubes, or make your steam system leak ammonia and mercaptans all through the buildings.

Me make your whole school sick building syndrome. And students love me visits.

Me gets extra points when me get boiler explode instead of just fizzling.

Me also add legionella cultures to cooling towers for instustrial processes.

If building not active hazard of explosion, disease, or toxic fumes me job not done.

Unfortunately, those me glory days. Now me energetic and one of those loser Bizzaro people who keep messing things up for everyone else - making buildings safer, and less stinky. It no fun.

20

I work in a supermarket as a cashier. So I guess my Bizarro job am not involving random people coming up to me and selling me food from my own house.