In Bizarro world, me lose inventory or plant it where it should not be. Me stock parts and phones in wrong location. Me label parts and phones as something else. Me send parts to repair floor without transferring them in system. Me add too many zeros to system transfers. Me throw away parts dropped on floor without scrapping in system. Me pull wrong phone and accessories to send to customer. Me make bigger market for new cell phones and smaller one for refurbished ones. Me not find reason for variances for part A or phone B in system.
In other words, I would be a small percentage of our repair center associates.
I have no idea what my bizzaro job would be. Especially considering that half my job involves taking people’s blood and the other half involves giving people blood. I’m already my own bizzaro job?
NOTE – Though sadly parallel in many ways to currrent and recent-past actual events, the following post is neither political nor intended to be critical of any present political administration. Any irony is purely accidental.
In my case, I would be starting wars, alienating long-standing allies, disregarding years of practice and policy, reducing complex, nuanced relationships to black and white, and pissing everyone off instead of working carefully to build and maintain relationships, regimes and systems that have functioned very well for years.
In Bizarro World me do injustice all day long. People hurt you, stole from you, ripped you off, took advantage of you? Hah! Good. Me glad to hear it. We have trial, you tell me what happened, but then me laugh at you. Laugh and laugh and laugh. Me say you no get money from them. Me say you waste your time and mine. Me have you beat up by bailiffs and thrown out into street. Do not come back into court! Do not obey the law! Do not treat others as you would have them treat you - be even meaner to them! Not have a nice day!
Bizzaro Santa; steals kids toys and vomits up predigested cookies and milk
Bizzaro Jesus; goes around sickening the healthy and telling people to treat each other badly
Bizzaro Bill Gates; creates a unique, original OS that’s very stable, reliable and loved by all
Bizzaro Steve Jobs; creates a slow, buggy OS that never works, people rabidly reccomend others to avoid it
Bizzaro George W. Bush; unites the middle east, performs his job competently and is beloved by everyone
Bizzaro Al Gore; goes out of his way to pollute Bizzaro Earth as much as possible, encourages people to be as wasteful as possible and not recycle
My Bizarro World job would be “un-managing” people and processes. I’d encourage them all to be lazy, shiftless, and sloppy in their work. I’d take processes that work and break them irreperably. I’d encourage “not my job” mentality and break down communication between individuals and also between groups! BWAhahahaha! <—evil laugh
As a Bizzaro Security Guard I’d let everbody in.
“Welcome to our community Mr. Bin Laden. The Hell’s Angel’s will be coming by later? I’ll be sure to let them in.”
I’d watch movies where the security guards always kill the Hero.
I’d watch Star Trek episodes where the guys in the red shirts are the only ones who survive.
“We lose more captains that way.”
Me work for Airline. Me make sure you not get on flight. Me make sure your trip is unpleasant. Me make sure you bag get lost. Me no give hotel or food to people who am missed connection.
Me not listen to your problems with credit card terminal. Is good! Me make sure you lose all transactions, go out of business, and die on the street! This make me weep with happy.
Oo! Oo! Me oppress minorities and encourage violence in schools. Me laugh when tiny child beat up outside of class! Me even lobby legislators to pass Bullying legislation so school staff must make fun of students and expel them. Me advocate tyranny and oppression for ALL. Possibly one day become Supreme Oppressor of Ununited States of America…
Me laughs at you when you call to tell me you were in a car accident. Me advises you to buy arm floaties when you call to tell me your house is flooding. Me tells you to fix it yourself when you file a claim and never send out checks.
In the real world, I take solid rubber, cook/melt it and it turns into…solid rubber in a different form.
In the bizzaro world, I’d take solid rubber, cook/melt it and it turns into…solid rubber in a different form.
How about this: in my bizzaro job, I’d go to work smelling like shit and go home smelling like I just got out of the shower.
