Me bizarro receptionist. Me call you fax machine every 10 minutes for two hours and try to talk to it. Me no answer the phone when it rings. Me let everybody in building, wherever anybody want to go. Me look happy because me is happy, but me has crappy-looking nails and never get to surf intarweb.
Oh, wait…
Me not there, except from 12pm to 1pm because me is out to lunch all day long.
(Sorry. I just can’t make this more interesting and why am I talking like this?)
Me Bizarro nurse. Me cough all over you and make you sick. Then me make sure you are as dirty and uncomfortable as possible. Me not wash hands…ever.
Me Bizarro tech writer. I take your perfectly cromulent documentation and run it back and forth through babelfish, and sow confusion and division throughout the workplace!
Just call me Eris. 
I would be in charge of taking kids home from school in the morning, and then back to school in the afternoon.
Unsafely.
In pink buses.
Driving on the left hand side of the road.
In reverse.
I would give people money for their little bottles of pills, and then take the little bottles and put them in the big bottles. Every so often, I’d get too many and would have to send the excess off to a warehouse. Also, I’m encouraged to take pills that I find laying on the floor to find out what they are. And the ones that customers bring to us.
I’m in the same boat.
At least a part of my Bizarro job would include stuffing sputum back into people’s lungs, and pee back into their bladders. I don’t want a Bizarro job, thanks!
In Bizzaro World, I tell you to tear down old building with asbestos in it and it will be fine!
Me have best Bizarro Job of all.
Me wander around planet gathering boxes and turning them into trees. Then plant them trees so they can make CO2 and save environment.
Me like Al Gore.
Yaah Me.
Me take well-designed business cards, flyers, and booklets and make them look like crap! Me use only Courier and Times New Roman and low-res pictures downloaded from internet. Me put in plenty of spelling mistakes and wrong digits in your phone number. Me use lots of neon colors to make your eyes hurt!
Me make websites, too. But no useful information on sites, no! Only lots of Flash intro pages and Javascript that no work and loud music that play when site loads, and no way to turn off music. Sites more fun that way!
Machine Blindness and Darkonics.
I’d be helping machines not to see, and would be involved in spreading Darkness where it doesn’t exist. Maybe I can get a job with Sauron.
Actually, with all the outages, timeouts, and other disfunctions, we’re already on the bizarro SDMB.
So in other words, Bizzaro-Dope (Fighting smrtness since 3791, it not take long at all) would load quickly and not time out, and it am having no ad banners, people would be encouraged to be as jerkish as possible, and all Bizzaros have lots of socks?
On Bizzaro-Dope, sheep screw Hal!
Me hereby declare you winner of Bizzaro thread.
-B- -W- -A-
Am something not special on the ground!
In Soviet Russia, *baby *sit you!
Hmm… In Bizarro eveyone can kick Chuck Norris’ butt?
Now, now. Some things are universal, even in Bizzaro World.
Bizzaro Chuck Norris butt smushes anything it land on.
In Bizarro World I throw your kids in jail.
My bizarro job would be to take little bits of interesting information and carefully hide it in massive amounts of uninteresting crap on people’s hard drives and servers so that they would or wouldn’t be found guilty in civil court cases.
I’d use a set of very simple and intuitive tools to do this, and the management would never be in a hurry, set arbitrary deadlines or treat us condescendingly. They’d also be older and more experienced than me, as well as competent managers.