Yea, another race thread. There have been a few comments about how some might be reacting too strongly to the slur, so I’d like to know what you personally think you would do/have done.
If someone, who was similar to you* called you a nigger, during a heated, but not physical argument, what would you do? What would you be thinking/feeling (would you automatically be hurt/fearful/enraged etc.) Do you have any personal experiences that might color your response? Could you ever forgive the person? How old are you?
*Similar in sex, build, and in a one on one situation (no friends who’ll be taking sides), no weapons involved. So we’re not talking a small female being screamed at by a couple of large guys in a dark alley. That would be scary no matter what words were used.
If it’s someone I know and have loved or been friends with for years, I’d be shocked and hurt and the relationship would pretty much be over.
If it’s a stranger, or someone whom I know as a mere acquaintance, I’d pity the poor SOB for lacking a more clever and articulate means to express him/herself.
If it were to happen to me, though, I’m guessing it would be the former situation, because most people who don’t know me can’t tell WHAT the heck race/nationality I am. Of course, I suppose a stranger could still call me a nigger even if he thought I was Hispanic (which a lot of people do), but then I’d have to ALSO pity him for not even using the correct racial epithet.
HEE! I actually tried to think of a different way to word that, because that’s EXACTLY what I thought as I was writing it. But I’m actually supposed to be working right now, so I let it go.
What I cannot let go, however, is my resentment at being compared to a large Black man with a mohawk and too much jewelry. You saying we all look alike?
Regardless of who it was, I think I’d be shocked speechless for a few seconds. I can’t imagine saying or doing anything to anyone that would be sufficient to make them go there, and so I wouldn’t be expecting them to come at me like that. But it wouldn’t take long for my senses to come back to me.
If it were a friend or a acquaintance that I respected, I would probably cry. It would be like them taking off a mask and revealing a big monster face. Scary more than anything else. I don’t think the relationship would be the same even if they slathered me with apologies afterwards, because the memory of them saying that would always be in the back of my mind.
If it were a stranger, it depends on the setting and my mood. I may stare at them like they have horns growing out of their heads. I may even laugh at their audacity and unoriginality. I don’t think I’d curse them out because my impromptu skills in that department are too weak to do an adequate job of it. But I don’t think it would hurt me unless I felt like the person was holding something substantial over my head or I was surrounded by people who sided with the name-caller.
Because of the circles I travel and other factors, the chances of me hearing someone else refer to blacks as nigger or some other derogatory term are probably greater than having slurs directed to me. I know monstro has encountered some of that, as did my father. It can be pretty shocking to hear stuff like that, and I can imagine being hurt by finding myself an insider to that type of talk.
I’ve never been called “nigger” that so these are all hypothetical.
If we were in my home my response would be “What the fuck did you call me? Get out of my house!” And I would make them leave.
If it was someone else’s residence, same “WTF…”, but I would leave. Social outing, again my exit.
On the job: a profanity-less announcement that the conversation was over, followed by my leaving the immediate vicinity of the person, followed by documentation of the incident for HR purposes.
A total stranger: Well, I don’t generally get into arguments with total strangers, but any conversation would be over. If it was someone on the street, I’d regard them as “dangerous” and get away from them as soon as possible. If it was any kind of situation where I am a customer, I’d ask to speak to management.
For all situations, after the adrenaline rush is over, there would probably a lot of a shaking and at least a few tears. I’ve never been called “nigger” but that is my usual response to a deep insult, which is what I consider the word to be. I would be both angry and hurt.
I am a very emotional person. I can be sensitive, and I occasionally over-react to minor slights, but I usually get over those very quickly and try to smooth things over. “Nigger” is not minor to me. Any friendship with this person would be over. Any other type of relationship that must continue, (say a coworker) would be as distant as professionalism would allow.
Good point, and I should have stated it more accurately. At any rate, some people assume I have a cultural heritage different than the one I actually have, so if a stranger wanted to use a racial epithet in an argument with me, the “N” word might not be the one that comes out.
I THINK (and I’m no expert), that it refers to anyone outside of Spain who has a Spanish last name, and natively speak Spanish (or whose families do), no matter what their race. “Latino” or “Latin American” would probably encompass people who are of Portugese background as well, such as people who are from Brazil.
My husband prefers the term Hispanic to the term Latino, which proves nothing, since his background IS Carribbean Islander, but I think he would use the two terms pretty much interchangably.
Incidentally, he did not grow up speaking Spanish in the home, but does consider himself Hispanic (as does the US Census, for that matter), so I don’t think that language alone determines it.
Hispanic refers to people from Spain and the countries where its culture (and language) has heavy influence, similar to how the anglo- prefix denotes an English origin. The Portuguese equivalent is “luso-”.
Oops. I somehow completely missed the first half of that sentence and thought you were saying that Brazillians could be classified as Hispanic. Sorry.
And looking at the wikipedia page on Latinos, it looks like Brazillians can be classified as such but generally are not, nor are Francophone South Americans or the Caribbean countries where English or French has more parity or predominance.
What about a white person who feels as comfortable saying “nigger” as any inner city African-American 16 year old? I once had a friend who spent a lot of time with African-Americans. He was a Division I basketball player and his wife and in-laws were African-American. He claimed that he could use the word at the right moment and his tone of voice made it OK. Claimed he never had any problems at all.
The question in the OP stipulated the use of the word during a “heated argument.”
As for casual use, from people like your friend, I would merely tell him that the word makes me uncomfortable, and I’d appreciate if he wouldn’t use it around me. I’d say the same to the “inner city African-American 16 year old.”
I was once called that by a black teenager (I’m about plaaaiinn white) in the heat of an argument about whether he would return to class. He flat out denied that he said it, but he did. I’m convinced he said it so much he didn’t remember saying it.
The point is, even I was offended. For a real black person, I’d think they’d just about go ballistic. The unmitigated gall…
