A friend of mine has been pulling a rediculous double standard lately. Basically, she doesn’t like it when I drink. Initially, this didn’t seem surprising because her mother is an acoholic and was physically abusive to her. However, I don’t consider myself anywhere near alcoholism; I have maybe 1 drink every couple of weeks or so (Turned 21 last year, only got myself sick once). Basically the thing that has really irked me happened last night. I had recently graduated community college, and another friend of mine took me out to dinner and bought me the drink. The drink was very strong, and even it alone left me a little woozy. After dinner, we went to pick up my other friend blurry eyes from work. My friend talked to her on his cell phone on the way, and mentioned we went out to eat and that I had a drink. She got all upset and made a big deal about it. However, that night we were dropping her off at her friend’s house, where she was very openly talking about how her and her friends will be spending the evening drinking plum wine. WTF? Not only is this blatantly hypocritical, but she is UNDERAGE. Added to this, on the drive home, she brings up some apocyrphal incident that happened a month ago in which we went to a party downtown, and I, being a concerned friend who worried she MIGHT try to get away with buying a drink at the bar, warned the bartender that blurry eyes was underage and to not sell her alcohol. Well, when she found out about this she hit the roof. Now she always goes on an on about how I was in the wrong to have the nerve to do that! What twisted logic am I having to deal with her?
I doh’t think she is beinga hypocrite here: being a hypocrite is publically denouncing others for behavoir that you do in private. For example, an alcoholic who advises you that drinking isn’t worth the cost is not ahypocrite: they are an expert. If she attempted to hide the fact that she imbibed, you could call her a hypocrite. As it is, you can accuse her of having a double standard.
But she IS a Hypocrite because she does exactly that! She denounces me drinking in front of my peers and yet does it in private every chance she gets.
Either way, it is ridiculous that I have to put up with it.
Stop associating with her.
Lay down the law that you will no longer put up with her whining.
[ Insert your own ideas, here. ]
You only have to put up with what you choose to put up with.
You have not described her as a family member or co-worker whom you can’t avoid, so avoid her.
She is a friend of a friend of mine whom I have known for 12 years. I am not willing to abandon my best friend just to be free of her presence.
Then your solution is obvious: just playfully cuff her on the shoulder and say “What? Who was knocking back the plum wine last week?” Make this a teasing statement, not an accusatory one.
There is a good chance that she sees her nagging as being a sign of how much she cares about you, not as a way to humiliate you im public or anything.
Another option is to talk to her, calmly, when the two of you are alone, and ask her why she does this. Maybe she has a reason that to her seems logical. Better to discuss than get pissed at her all the time.