How is she not responsible for how he feels? If these guys were in love then I think that saying that she can just wash her hands of the situation and hide out without feeling any sort of responsibility is wrong.
Granted, they are not married so she is not obligated to stay with him, and I don’t expect anyone to stay in crappy relationship. But if this was a guy saying that he wanted to dump some girl and wash his hands of her, cut ties and run like hell, I think peoples opinions would be a little different.
I’ve been on both sides of the fence, though I never threatened suicide or any of those other things. Here’s something, though. If the worst came through and he did kill himself over this breakup, it’s not your fault, jmpride62. He’s a highly unstable individual, and he would’ve done it no matter who he’d been dating.
If, in the next couple of days, he calls and threatens to kill himself, tell him you’re calling one of his friends to come over then hang up. If you can’t find one of his friends, call the police and tell them this ex of your is threatening to kill himself. That should put an end to those calls quite quickly!
And be careful. If he seems to be stalking you, make sure and let people know.
Bullshit.
She has the responsibility to be honest with him, and to not be abusive in how she ends the relationship, but she doesn’t have the responsibility to keep him happy at the cost of her own happiness. She isn’t just “washing her hands” of the relationship, she is trying to end something that doesn’t work anymore. It’s not like this is a surprise to him, she has already tried to end the relationship and he just ended up being manipulative:
What we are telling her is to be more assertive in ending the relationship, to ignore the manipulation and that she isn’t a bad person.
She doesn’t love him anymore! Would you want to be in a relationship where the other person didn’t love you? You might not want to accept the end of the relationship, but staying in it would make you miserable too.
No, we have had this exact situation in the past with guys and we gave the exact same advice. (No links, so sue me) Just because you put a negative spin on it doesn’t make her decision a bad thing.
So you’re one of those “I’m miserable and you’re to blame” folks.
She is not responsible for how he feels. She needs to break up with him. That is what is best for her. And for him. His feelings and needs are his own business. She does not owe him anything if she no longer returns his feelings of affection.
He can crumble into the fetal position and die of starvation.
He can fly off into a blaze of sel-destruction.
He can bitterly cling to the past hopes and sabotage the future.
He can accept it, feel the pain of loss, then move on and find someone else.
I just want to add one vital suggestion to all of the above. If he calls threatening suicide again, the proper response is to take it seriously. Tell him you hope he doesn’t do that. Then hang up, call 911, and report that he is currently suicidal and you fear for his life. Give them his address.
If it is just manipulative crap, this should put an end to it and if he really means it you are off the hook guilt-wise. This is much more effective than asking his friends to check up on him.
I’d do it over the phone. Actually, I did. I don’t consider it cowardly. I just consider it easier. He asked if he could come over, I said no. Gawd, 15 minutes after I was done, I was the happiest person in the world!
It never occured to me to mention it until I read some of the later posts. On a more serious note, I really do appreciate everyone’s input. It was great to be able to talk about this in this forum in addition to talking with my friends. For the record, in many ways he was a great guy, and I will miss him terribly. I just think that emotionally we were like gasoline and fire. - whoosh! I removed all the numbers, email, etc, from the various pc’s, palm pilots, cell phones, today and that was quite painful. Technology is a bitch when it comes to breaking up, but at least thank god for caller ID
On a more serious note, I really do appreciate everyone’s input. It was great to be able to talk about this in this forum in addition to talking with my friends. For the record, in many ways he was a great guy, and I will miss him terribly. I just think that emotionally we were like gasoline and fire. - whoosh! I removed all the numbers, email, etc, from the various pc’s, palm pilots, cell phones, today and that was quite painful. Technology is a bitch when it comes to breaking up, but at least thank god for caller ID