This is somewhat of a rant, so I figured I might as well put it in the pit.
Last night my best friend, another friend of mine and I were eating at Cocos. Some pretty girl walked past us and into the bathroom, and my friend mentioned it. I was kind of bummed I didn’t get a look at her the way my friends reacted. They though she went into the bathroom. My other (female) friend commented “You know, even pretty girls go to the bathroom- I go to the bathroom.”. I replied, “Fantasy girls don’t go to the bathroom.” then she got all upset and there was this awkward silence for like 10 minutes. Now just to clairify, I used to date said friend years ago, and she is convinced I’m still crazy about her. I will admit it did take me a long time to get over her, but I am fully over it by now. Its as though she was insulted because I didn’t classify her as women I find attractive. Sometimes I feel that after she broke up with me, she still wanted me to adore her while she could go off and date other guys, while having the smug satisfaction of seeing me sad and jealous.
If she wanted me to be so smitten by her, she could have stayed with me. I did everything in my power to make her happy. I was happy just being around her. But instead she wants the best of both worlds; she wants to date every guy under the sun, and when she dumps them/rejects them, she wants them to be following her around like a bunch of cult worshipers or something.
Its not difficult or awkward for me to be her friend. But it is difficult AND awkward to have to have the fact that it didn’t work out between us rubbed in my face. Why me no longer being physically attracted to her should bruise her ego seems a little irrational to me.
It is irrational, but at the same time, it’s how things are. Women, and I suppose men too, always want people to think the best of them.
Not that this situation is similar, but how would you feel if she told you that you weren’t attractive? Pretty bad, I’m guessing. IMHO, she doesn’t have the right to expect you to be all into her anymore. She doesn’t have the right to expect you to be jealous and obsessed. I think you should talk to her about it. Say something like, I’ve noticed that whenever I talk about other women, you get a bit of an attitude-as though I’m not supposed to have those feelings.
You’re bummed because an attractive woman went to the bathroom? Say what now? And your ex is pissed-off because you don’t think she’s attractive enough to go her whole life without using the bathroom? Am I the only one who can’t wrap his head around this?
neutron star, what I was trying to explain is a ‘fantasy girl’ is just that-fantasy. I don’t want to fantasize about a pretty girl taking a dump or pulling out a bloody tampon or picking her nose or biting her toenails or etc etc.
My friend was pissed because she thought that I didn’t find her attractive. But I know very well its a no-win situation. If it turned out that I fantasized about her, then she’d be all wierded and wouldn’t want me near her.
When we were leaving the restaurant, she had the gall to jest “If I decided I wanted to date you again you’d be back with me in a heartbeat.” to which I responded, “No”. Not expecting that answer, it got a :eek: out of her, and there was some more awkward silence. Sometimes I feel that she just wants to be surrounded by sicophants
To me, more on the insecure. If it really seems like she wants to be surrounded by fawning adorers, she probably doesn’t have much self-esteem IMHO. And yes, it is fairly irrational, but most people do irrational things.
Aargh. I know how you feel. I feel the same way about how my ex acts around me. The worst part is that it worked for a long time. I’m already steeling myself for when her current relationship fails and I’ll have to tell her (diplomatically, of course), that this ship has sailed.
My thoughts exactly. When you say that “Fantasy girls don’t go to the bathroom” right after your ex said that she does use the bathroom, that says something to her. Because, whatever you think of her now, the idea is that when you are with a person, then that person is your “fantasy girl” [or guy].
You say:
The problem is, that if she is doing the latter, then the former becomes extremely difficult. As others on this thread have testified, such behavior on the part of exes (men and women) is not unusual, and you have to ask yourself whether it is worth the friendship to put up with it. I usually don’t have any problem staying friendly with my ex-girlfriends, but any ex, especially one that has been the breaker-upper, who pulls that type of thing is not worth having as a friend, IMHO.