Breakup by atrophy (Or: why I hate being single & infatuated)

In My Humble Opinion
1

Someone below had posted a “it’s good to be single & infatuated” thread elsewhere. Well, I’m glad some people have good luck because I certainly don’t seem to. I’d like to know people’s opinions on what I call “breakup by atrophy,” meaning that after a date or two, the other person avoids any type of contact or just makes excuses until you give up and leave them alone.

Now, I’m not really interested in why people do this, as I can come up with plenty of reasons on my own: some people really are that busy and just don’t get back to you, some people think it’s a better method than actually telling you they don’t like you, or some people are just immature. I’m deliberately trying not to be gender-biased here, as I know this happens on both sides.

What I am interested in, however, is how others deal with it. Do you play the game and just give up, assuming the other person wasn’t worth the trouble?
Do you play the blockhead and keep bugging, hoping the other person either relents to a date or finally gets the guts to tell you to go away?
Do you resort to something more childish or evil, such as prank calling/stalking/threats/etc.?
D.) None of the above

2

I move on. Everyone is not going to like you for whatever reasons. There are just too many people in the world to get hung up on one bad experience. If I don’t hear from them, I consider it their loss, and continue to enjoy life. That’s the best revenge there is.

3

Well, I used to be very persistent – well, pathetic, actually. I would call and call and pester to try and get another date, or at the very least an explanation as to why there wouldn’t be another date. I used to tell myself I did it because I deserved better than to be just dropped like that. But then later – much later – l learned that I deserved better than to subject myself to someone who obviously had no interest in me.

I think I really started to get it when a guy, after making the latest excuse, said, “Why do you keep calling me? If I’m a jerk, I’m a jerk.”

You live, you learn.

4

I admit, I’ve known for a while now that A) was the best answer. Somehow, “living well is the best revenge” doesn’t seem as satisfying as real revenge, but I doubt I could be that petty. It just sucks, though, to have things that start out promising end without so much as a good-bye.

I feel like I’m having my own George Costanza moment.
Jerry: “So, what, now everybody has to like you?”
George: “… Yes! I’m very likeable!”

Anyone else want to chime in & tell me how pathetic I am? :slight_smile:

5

'mike, I sympathize. However, I have to approve of the “atrophy” method. If that is how this person broke it off, you must realize that there is no good way to dump someone. I believe that this the most merciful way. You may not think so now.

I wouldn’t call it immature. You may think you want to know every detail of why you were found unacceptable, but believe me, you do not.

But I wouldn’t call you pathetic, either. Fortunately, it looks like it happened before you got too deeply involved.

You’re right, it does happen on both sides. It happened to me. This guy just ended it, cut it off clean. Surgically. Of course I was devastated and wrathful.

Until I contrasted that situation with the previous dumping I’d experienced. In this case, the guy still wanted to hang around and “just be friends.” And “talk about it.” Aaargh.

When you’re enamored, you’ll grasp at anything, so I went along with it, not knowing that the reason he suddenly wouldn’t touch me with a ten foot pole was that he’d reconciled with his previous girlfriend. She’d dumped him, but came after him with both hands when she found out he and I were an item.

The whole town knew about it except me.

After much pain and humiliation, I learned that “Let’s just friends” means “I just want to avoid your wrath at my having raked you over the coals. And I’m too wussy to do it any other way. And besides I don’t want to hurt you.” Hurt me? WTF?

So, although I was livid over both these rejections, I don’t think much about the surgical guy; I’m over that. I really had no other choice but to move on. (I just couldn’t stomach the blockhead or the stalking options)

The “let’s be friends guy,” I made a total fool of myself over. He can rot in hell, a sentiment I still feel fifteen years later. You do the math.

It does suck. I hope you have better luck soon.
–Mrs Myron

6

If you are some passive aggressive twit who doesn’t have the spine to tell someone you don’t want to date them anymore, fuck you. I hate people that use the atrophy technique.

7

This happened to me just recently. We had this fabulous date, love at first sight kind of date. The world seemed to stop, and as the sun came up we were still looking into each others eyes, dazed. Then, our next meeting he goes all stiff. At first I thought he just got a little spooked, so I sent him an e-mail to see if he really did want to see me again (he said he did), no response. I haven’t tried to contact him again. I was thinking of sending him a note to let him know I had a wonderful time and cherished the moment. Only, I’m afraid he would take it wrong. Things like this don’t happen enough to go unnoticed, so I have to assume it was imagined.