OK, I’m going to post what I’ve got.
- “Pass” and “Don’t Pass” might be traffic instructions, and “Come” and “Don’t Come” might be guidance from a porn director. But where would they all be applicable?
Playing Craps
2. I was only seventeen when I wooed Rose, the beautiful older stage actress. My mistake was taking her to my uncle’s house; they met each other and she left me for him. I thought she was just a gold-digger, for Uncle George was quite wealthy, but he lost all his money and she married him anyway. It got really weird after I came back into their lives years later and their teenage daughter Jenny - my cousin - got a pretty serious crush on me.
“Aspects of Love” by Andrew Lloyd Weber. Googled.
3. What is the area bounded by y = 3x^2, x=5, and y=0 ?
?
4. NH3. In water. What happens?
You get household ammonia, suitable for cleaning floors and such. Don’t mix with Chlorine bleach.
5. Adam Selene, one of the leaders of the Lunar Revolution, was very unlike the others in the group.
From Robert Heinlein’s classic “The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress”. Adam Selene, aka Simon Jester, aka Mycroft Holmes, aka Michelle, aka Mike, was a sentient computer.
6. Wouldn’t you like to be a pepper, too?
“Be a pepper, drink Dr. Pepper”. From a Dr. Pepper ad campaign of the 70s and 80s.
7. Best-known vet in Darrowby?
I don’t know, but the best-known vet in Thirsk was James Alfred Wight. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.
8. If you took est, you got it.
This is now known as “The Forum”.
9. I own St. James, Tennessee, New York, Kentucky, and Indiana. You land on New York and then roll a 4. What’s the total rent I get?
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- She criticized my apartment, so I knocked her flat. Explain the joke.
Brit-speak vs. US-speak. I could knock her flat by pushing her until she fell over, or I could criticize (knock) her apartment (flat).
11. You can’t have cheese without a cow’s stomach, I always say!
Rennet coagaulates the curds, and is made from cow’s stomach most of the time. Of course, any cheese made via this process is not kosher.
12. Remember Stonewall, 1969! Why?
NY vice cops raided a gay bar. To the shock and horror of the cops the sissies and drag-queens fought back, marking the beginning of the modern gay-rights movement.
13. As long as we’re talking about 1969, how about them Mets?
Mets win the World Series over the Orioles
14. John Marshall has made his decision. Now let him enforce it.
Andrew Jackson, disagreeing with the concept of judicial review re the removal of the Cherokee.
15. Who shot J.R. ?
J.R. Ewing was shot by Kristin Sheppard. He promised to divorce Sue Ellen and marry her, but he was lying of course.
16. Rodin never asked if the merchants of Calais wanted fries. Ha!
Because you must always ask if someone wants fries if they order Burghers. Especially if the Burghers are starving. Googled.
17. What’s a suicide king?
Any king in a deck of cards where the sword appears to enter the king’s head. The king of hearts.
18. What TV character’s name became attached to the short-shorts style she wore – when she wasn’t helping her cousins keep ahead of the law, that is?
Daisy Duke. Mmmm…cousin-on-cousin sexual-tensiony goodness…
19. Help me keep my colonels straight: One kept getting fooled by Hogan, one made a name in fried chicken, and a short one lied to Congress, but apparently an admiral ordered it.
Colonel Clink, Colonel Sanders, Lt. Colonel North, Admiral Poindexter.
20. Name the five newest mysteries of the rosary.
Jesus’ Baptism
The Wedding at Cana, Jesus’ First Miracle
Jesus’ Proclamation of the Kingdom of God
The Transfiguration
The Institution of the Eucharist at the Last Supper
Googled
21. Sacre bleu! I’ve forgotten the name of the dish that’s made by stuffing a breaded chicken breast with swiss cheese and ham!
Chicken Cordon Bleu.
22. In brief, what the heck was the problem with cell thirteen?
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- In O. Henry’s The Coming-Out of Maggie, what’s the enthnicity of Terry O’Sullivan, her date to the dance?
“I knew he was a Guinea. His name’s Tony Spinelli. I hurried in when they told me you and him was scrappin’. Them Guineas always carries knives. But you don’t understand, Dempsey. I never had a fellow in my life. I got tired of comin’ with Anna and Jimmy every night, so I fixed it with him to call himself O’Sullivan, and brought him along. I knew there’d be nothin’ doin’ for him if he came as a Dago. I guess I’ll resign from the club now.”
Googled.
24. “Don’t care how, I want it now.” But she was a bad egg.
Veruca Salt. The squirrels stuffed her down the garbage chute.
25. Qui Tam is not a character in The Mikado, but a legal principle meaning… what? And why would I even think that it might be a character in The Mikado?
Short for: “qui tam pro domino rege quam pro siepse”, or “He who as much for the king as for himself.” A provision to encourage people aware of fraud against the government to come forward.
SQUIRE, M.: “The Mikado Revisited via the Whistleblowers Protection Bill 1992”, paper presented to Royal Institute of Public Administration Australia (NSW Division) Seminar, “Blowing the Whistle”, Sydney, 1 September 1992.
Googled.
26. Did Gallimard really not know that the … um… equipment was there?
In David Cronenberg’s lepidopterously named movie, the answer is left ambiguous. Even Jeremy Irons doesn’t know.
27. The game is TV’s Jeopardy. The category is Before And After. The answer is ORANGE JULIUS ROSENBERG. Design the question that got us there.
Remember, all answers must be in the form of a question.
“I’ll take ‘Before and After’ for $400, Alex.”
“He ordered this franchised drink for his last meal before his execution…after he gave away atomic secrets.”
“What is ORANGE JULIUS ROSENBERG?”
28. Phil? Phil Connors?
“I’m in insurance now!” Phil eventually buys the whole package from him…term, whole-life, auto, fire, etc. Boy, that Phil is a great guy! Of course he’s got a busy day ahead…got to play piano, save a kid falling out of a tree, perform the Heimlich Manuever, and finish off with some ice sculpture. Not to mention finally boinking Andie MacDowell.
29. Bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
Shakespeare Sonnet 73
That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruined choirs where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see’st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death’s second self, that seals up all the rest.
In me thou see’st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
Consumed with that which it was nourished by.
This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.
- What’s the quadratic formula, and what’s it good for?
Good God, y’all! Absolutely Nothin!
The quadratic equation solves problems of the form:
ax^2 + bx + c = 0
x= (-b +/- sqrt(b^2 - 4ac))/2a
31. What’s the total resistance in an electrical circuit containing a 2-ohm resistor, a 3-ohm resistor, and a 6-ohm resistor all in parallel?
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32. Which pretty Ziegfeld girl was like a melody?
The actress Billie Dove, googled
33. Bix Beiderbecke’s horn?
Cornet
34. Who was the best actor on the Dukes of Hazzard?
The answer can be found at www.jamesbest.com
35. Hari Seldon’s invention or field?
Psychohistory, the discovery of universal laws of human behavior on a large scale. As an analogy, although the movement of any one gas molecule is unpredictable, the behavior of a large number of molecules is predictable. Psychohistory applied similar principles to human behavior.
36. What course of action should I take to ensure that the flirty, flirty guys with their flirty, flirty eyes will have to flirt with real dollies?
According to Johnny Black, you should buy a paper doll. Yikes. Googled.
37. “Half-and-half” means very different things to a dairyman and a hooker.
One is half-cream, half milk. The other is oral followed by intercourse.
38. I worked for Dukes, and was betrothed to Penelope – but all that changed after I was the target of a cruel wager, and an interloper stole my house, my job, and my life. Had it not been for Ophelia’s help, I might have killed myself.
“Sounds to me like y’all are a couple of bookies.”
“I told you he’d understand!”
And they made a lot of money by buying and selling frozen concentrated orange juice. Or was that selling and buying?
39. What two characters sing “Some Enchanted Evening” in the musical?
Nellie Forbush and Emile de Becque. Googled.
40. Who was the first person legally prohibited from being elected to a third term as US President?
Eisenhower. The 22nd amendment was ratified in 1951, so it wouldn’t have applied to Truman. Eisenhower was elected in 1952 and took office in 1953. The amendment applied to him.
41. A block weighs four pounds plus half a block. How much does a block weigh in pounds?
b=4+(b/2). b=8.
The block weighs eight pounds.
42. Hiawatha’s grandmother, according to Longfellow?
Hiawatha’s mother was Wenonah, his father was the west wind Mudjekeewis. Wenonah’s mother was Nokomis, Daughter of the Moon Nokomis. Hiawatha’s grandmother was Nokomis.
43. In what state is Paul Anka’s guarantee about giant monsters void?
[Paul Anka]
To stop those monsters 1-2-3
Here’s a fresh new way that’s trouble free
It’s got Paul Anka’s guarantee…
[Lisa]
Guarantee void in Tennessee!
[All]
Just don’t look!
Just don’t look!
Just don’t look!
Just don’t look!
44. He really was supposed to be an apprentice to a pilot. But Ruth was hard of hearing.
He was apprenticed until his 18th birthday. Too bad he wasn’t apprenticed until he was 18 years old.
45. Into how many distinct shapes can four cubes be joined, assuming that each cube may be attached to another only full-face to full-face?
Eight. X’s are cubes, x’s are cubes with a cube stuck on above, .'s are added to preserve formatting
XXXX
XX
XX
X.
XX
.X
XXX
.X.
XX
X.
X.
xX
X.
Xx
X.
xX
.X
- Ralph and Richie’s friend Potsie – what was his actual first and last name?
…And introducing Anson Williams as “Warren Weber”…
47. What honorable Bond actress’ character name might suggest she owned many cats?
Pussy Galore. But if we stipulate that “many” can sometimes mean “eight”, then Octopussy is also correct.
48. What Monty Python character is proud of the fact that he sleeps all night and works all day?
“I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a BRAAAAAR!”
49. What classic ballet positions are just grand, and what do they look like?
A grand plie is when you flex your knees all the way, as opposed to a demi plie where you flex your knees a little. And a grand jette is a big jump.
50. One man in a thousand, Soloman says, will stick more close than a brother.
…And that thousandth man will stand by your side;
To the gallows foot, and after.
– Rudyard Kipling
Googled
