Brown Bunny Sperm

[C_K_Dexter_Haven]

Moderator explains and apologies for confusion:
You will see that there are some gaps in the fabric of reality. We had a “sock puppet” who had posted several times, and who has had several different identities on our boards. We have therefore caused his posts to disappear.

This is our standard practice with trolls and sock puppets. If they see that their efforts vanish into smoke, we hope that they will go away and stop pestering us.

Unfortunately, this causes some hiccoughs in the logic of the thread. That seems a small price to pay, but sorry about it anyway.

[The_Scrivener]

With apologies to M. Palin & Terry Jones –

There are cranks in the world, there are weirdos,
There are pervs and nutters and then
There are those that follow a party, but
I’ve never been one of them.

I’m a right Straight Doper,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Dopers is
They’ll take you as soon as you’re warm.

You don’t have to be a rich yuppie,
You don’t have to ever get laid,
You don’t have to have a degree,
You’re a Straight Doper the moment you paid, because –

Every post is special,
Every post is great.
If a post is wasted,
Mod gets quite irate.

Let the trollers waste theirs
On the message board.
Mod will make them pay for
Each post that can’t be stored.

Every post is wanted,
Every post is good,
Every post is needed,
In your online neighborhood.

Sex pervs, sports fans, l337-freaks,
Post theirs just anywhere,
But Mod loves those who treat their
Missives with more care.

Every post is sacred,
Every post is great,
If a post is wasted,
Mod gets quite irate.

[Love_Rhombus]

Hah, an explanation of how the Straight Dope works, followed with an example of why it is so great. Well done!

And Mr. Gallo is a little TOO interested in himself.

Why the high rate he’s charging? Is each little sperm equipped with a camera to make a little award-winning movie?

[saoirse]

@SmartAleq

And Rocco Siffredi would mop the floor with Gallo’s schlong…

He could? Oh my he is well-endowed.

[SmartAleq]

@saoirse

He could? Oh my he is well-endowed.

Isn’t he just, though? I was watching some porno featuring Mr. Siffredi, the title of which escapes me at the moment, in which he was–how to say this delicately?–anally engaged, doggy style with a young lady. At some point I surmise Rocco felt that the level of lubricant involved was insufficient, at which time he pulled out (in my mind’s ear I hear a loud pop which I don’t think actually appeared on the soundtrack) dropped a large wad of saliva right down into the young ladies nether orifice and plugged himself back in without using his hands or missing a stroke. That is a level of competency and savoir faire seldom seen in the adult film industry… I also must send a heartfelt golf clap out to any young lady willing to engage Mr. Siffredi in such a manner, lacking the bravery (or foolhardiness!) to do so myself. Brava, indeed!

[Sam_Stone]

So… He can thrust and drool at the same time. The Academy better not rob him of the Oscar this year, that’s all I can say.

[SmartAleq]

@Sam Stone

So… He can thrust and drool at the same time. The Academy better not rob him of the Oscar this year, that’s all I can say.

You must not watch much porn if you don’t think being able to do two things of this nature at once puts an actor into star territory. Besides, the man’s kinda scenic in a vaguely scary way…

[Rainbowthief]

@C K Dexter Haven

We had a “sock puppet” who had posted several times, and who has had several different identities on our boards. We have therefore caused his posts to disappear.

This is our standard practice with trolls and sock puppets.

I know what a troll is, but what’s a sock puppet?

[Tuckerfan]

@Rainbowthief

I know what a troll is, but what’s a sock puppet?

A sock puppet is someone who has more than one user name here.

[Rainbowthief]

Ah, thank you.

[mhendo]

@Dewey Finn

Another article about this including the following disturbing sentence. It’s so outrageous that I went to his website to verify it, but wasn’t able to find the offer there.

@IMDB Movie & TV News

Gallo says that his offer is not open to “those of extremely dark complexions” and offers a $50,000 discount to any woman who is blonde, blue-eyed, or related to “any of the German soldiers of the mid-century.”

and

@rodgers01

Nah, I don’t believe it’s real. I really don’t want to check out the website, but it’s too over the top to be believable. Maybe I could believe him offering his sperm for sale, but advertising this…just sounds like a parody to me.

I came to the Boards tonight to ask this very question: Is Vincent Gallo for real, or is his whole persona some sort of cultural troll?

Dewey Finn said he couldn’t find the offending phrase on Gallo’s website, but it is indeed there, under the miscellaneous part of the merchandising section of the website. Here are some other gems from that page

@Vincent Gallo

Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount.

Despite his racial preferences, however, he is willing to give his potential offspring a leg-up in Hollywood:

@Vincent Gallo

Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.

In his music section he also gives us some further insight into his brilliant mind, particularly on the question of race:

@Vincent Gallo

By the way, did you ever notice the smell of redheads? I think that’s why a lot of redhead girls have Black boyfriends. They smell compatible.

and

@Vincent Gallo

When I was 16, I went to New York City. I got in a band right away with Jean Michel Basquiat called Gray. We did gigs at Max’s, CBGB’s, Hurrahs, and a famous one at the Mudd Club. The Mudd show was packed. It felt really good. After that gig though we broke up. It was Jean’s fault. Anyway, a month later he was a millionaire art star. Sometimes it’s good to be Black.

and

@Vincent Gallo

I played drums which I acquired from another Jew friend by trading his parents my cleaning, gardening and handyman skills for the summer. Along with the drums, I got a brace face blow job from my Jew friend’s fat older sister. It was my first one. I also fingered her. It was a cheap drum set bought by cheap Jews, but it made sound and I loved it.

and

@Vincent Gallo

My second band, Zephyr. Danny Rowland on guitar. Barry Height on drums. And me looking very Chris Squire on bass. A perfect band – no Jews, no redheads.

I’m just having trouble believing this guy is for real. I mean, even if the whole website is just an attempt at irony, it’s awful and not funny at all. Does anyone know enough about this loser to hazard a guess as to whether this shit is serious?

[astro]

@mhendo

and I came to the Boards tonight to ask this very question: Is Vincent Gallo for real, or is his whole persona some sort of cultural troll?

Dewey Finn said he couldn’t find the offending phrase on Gallo’s website, but it is indeed there, under the miscellaneous part of the merchandising section of the website. Here are some other gems from that pageDespite his racial preferences, however, he is willing to give his potential offspring a leg-up in Hollywood:In his music section he also gives us some further insight into his brilliant mind, particularly on the question of race:andandandI’m just having trouble believing this guy is for real. I mean, even if the whole website is just an attempt at irony, it’s awful and not funny at all. Does anyone know enough about this loser to hazard a guess as to whether this shit is serious?

He looks like this and women get moist just being near him. He got Chloe Sevigny to blow him on camera. He’s incredibly obnoxious, but as seriously as he took his amazingly bad film The Brown Bunny I’m betting it’s or real.

[sleeepy2]

As odd as he looks, I believe he was a model for a bit. Go figure.