But the Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All

[Celyn]

Some daft people just won’t trust the advice of Terry Pratchett. You’ll be glad to know that the hedgehog wasn’t hurt.

Zoran Nikolovic ? dubbed Mr Jiggywinkle ? claimed to be following the advice of a witch doctor when he injured himself on the animal’s pricks.

The 35-year-old said he had not yet told his girlfriend about his spine romance and added: “God knows what she will think of me.

“I don’t know whether she’s more likely to dump me for being some kind of pervert or for being such an idiot.”

He explained: “I was so ashamed to go to a normal clinic to discuss sexual problems that I was ready to try anything. When the voodoo man suggested having sex with a hedgehog I walked out.

“But he guaranteed me total discretion and 100 per cent success so I decided to try it.”

A hospital spokesman in Belgrade, Serbia, said: “The animal was apparently unhurt. The patient came off much worse from the encounter. …

The Prick and the Hedgehog

Well, then, so much for the 100% discretion and the 100% success.

What a dreadful world we live in when one simply can’t find a trustworthy witchdoctor these days, eh? Sad, really.

He can’t be completely dim, though, 'cos he seems to have guessed that his girlfriend is going to dump him, the only question being whether for being a pervert or for being an idiot. There’s always option “C” - both.

That’ll teach him to leave little Tiggywinkles alone. And the lesson (lesion?) today, friends, is to avoid urchins when you’ve got the urge.

[Sunspace]

They have witch doctors in Serbia?

[Celyn]

Well, yes, I did wonder about that too, but the story amused me, so it’s mundane, pointless, and of doubtful veracity.

[Muffin]

[QUOTE=Sunspace]
They have witch doctors in Serbia?
[/QUOTE]
No wonder Kosovo wanted out.

[Harmonious_Discord]

The problem was he went to a witchdoctor that took only half measures to help him. He needed a porcupine, not a tiny hedgehog.

[Khadaji]

I told the witch doctor I was in love with you
I told the witch doctor I was in love with you
And then the witch doctor, he told me what to do
He said that …

(Chorus:)
Ooo eee, ooo ah ah

[Rysdad]

[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord]
The problem was he went to a witchdoctor that took only half measures to help him. He needed a porcupine, not a tiny hedgehog.
[/QUOTE]

They’re kinky, them porcupines.

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

You can bugger the bear, if you do it with care,
In the winter, when he is asleep in his lair,
Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall–
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

http://sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiHEDGEHOG;ttDUNDEBON.html

[hotflungwok]

[QUOTE=Sunspace]
They have witch doctors in Serbia?
[/QUOTE]

There are witch doctors everywhere, they just go by different names in the more advanced countries.

[Count_Blucher]

[QUOTE=Sunspace]
They have witch doctors in Serbia?
[/QUOTE]

Igor: Witch doctor…

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Witch doctor?

Igor: Which.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Huh?

Igor: Which one?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?

Igor: I thought you wanted to.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don’t want to.

Igor: Suit yourself. I’m easy…

[Northern_Piper]

[QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan]
http://sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiHEDGEHOG;ttDUNDEBON.html
[/QUOTE]

Obligatory link to bagpipe version.

[beanpod]

I wonder what it says about me that the first thing I thought of was this joke:

(WARNING: it’s disgusting…I think I read it here first, actually.)

Why do you wrap a gerbil in duct tape?

So it doesn’t explode when you fuck it.