My mother’s joke:
Sign in tailor shop window:
My name is Fink
and what do you think
I fix pants for nothing
So a guy comes in and says, here, fix these pants at no charge. And the tailor says, no, the sign says:
My name is Fink
And what?
Do you think I fix pants for nothing?
I cannot let this thread go by without mentioning the work of Roger McGough, Liverpool beat poet, who attacked a 1980s headline with three periods.
Original:
TORY GOVERNMENT UNEMPLOYMENT FIGURES
Amended:
TORY GOVERNMENT. UNEMPLOYMENT. FIGURES.
Slow
Men
Working
A timely thread, as I just saw on another message board, a comma-less:
“Beam me up Scotty!”
Eww.
[QUOTE=The Controvert]
Here is Mr. Meatloaf expressing his love / hate relationship with butt sex.
I would do anything, butt love…, but I won’t do that!
I would do anything, but love butt, I won’t do that!
[/QUOTE]
Close, so close, yet so far
Missed it by that much.
[QUOTE=Duck Duck Goose]
Interesting–over here, the punch line goes, “Eats shoots and leaves”.
[/QUOTE]
Well, root as a euphemism for sex is an antipodean thing. And the shoots thing just seems an awkward construction to me - it isn’t a really natural or common term for sex, and who walks in, eats a meal, fires a gun and walks out again.
Which is why I am dismissive of the book title and it’s association with Pandas (cause pandas do only eat shoots, but can’t fire a gun with that false thumb, and certainly don’t root with any enthusiasm 
)
Si
Moderator apologies: OK, I actually played this game… and it didn’t occur to me that there’s a new forum, specifically for Games.
Thanks to those who reported it, and I’m moving it there.
Actual sign on a New Jersey swimming pool:
--------------Dogs
NOEating
---------------Bicycles
Police shoot man with knife (I hate to think what sort of ammunition a knife gun would use…)
[QUOTE=Rick]
Close, so close, yet so far
Missed it by that much.
[/QUOTE]
Gee, I really butchered it.
I called you an idiot, it’s true; and I’m sad about it.
I called you an idiot; it’s true, and I’m sad about it.
[QUOTE=Alive At Both Ends]
I called you an idiot, it’s true; and I’m sad about it.
I called you an idiot; it’s true, and I’m sad about it.
[/QUOTE]
I can’t figure out how these two differ in meaning.
[QUOTE=Cisco]
I can’t figure out how these two differ in meaning.
[/QUOTE]
I called you an idiot, it’s true; and I’m sad about it.
“I’m sad that you’re an idiot.”
I called you an idiot; it’s true, and I’m sad about it.
“I’m sad for calling you an idiot.”
Not getting any, better come home.
Not getting any better, come home.
[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett]
I called you an idiot, it’s true; and I’m sad about it.
“I’m sad that you’re an idiot.”
I called you an idiot; it’s true, and I’m sad about it.
“I’m sad for calling you an idiot.”
[/QUOTE]
Ahh, makes sense but I wouldn’t call that butchering. It’s pretty open to interpretation either way. I read it as “I called you an idiot, it’s true (that I called you an idiot); and I’m sad about it.” And, “I called you an idiot; it’s true (that I called you an idiot), and I’m sad about it.”
[QUOTE=Cisco]
Ahh, makes sense but I wouldn’t call that butchering. It’s pretty open to interpretation either way. I read it as “I called you an idiot, it’s true (that I called you an idiot); and I’m sad about it.” And, “I called you an idiot; it’s true (that I called you an idiot), and I’m sad about it.”
[/QUOTE]
I read it yet another way, reversing DudleyGarrett’s interpretation:
“I called you an idiot, it’s true; and I’m sad about it.” (It is true that I called you an idiot and I am sad that I said such a thing.)
“I called you an idiot; it’s true, and I’m sad about it.” (I called you an idiot. That was a true statement, and the fact that you are an idiot makes me sad.)
DudleyGarrett is probably more correct though..
[QUOTE=Moe]
Also, not quite in the same vein, but I always wanted to say to a musician named Benjamin:
Hey Benjamin, been jamin’?
[/QUOTE]
I’m not much of a musician. (I’ve only ever composed one piece of music in my life. It wasn’t that good. Followed the circle of fifths as if they were traintracks.) But, if it will make you happy then feel free to say it to me. (I hope I don’t hurt your feelings by mentioning that I’ve heard it a lot.)
I cannot deal with his panics.
I cannot deal with hispanics.
[QUOTE=Rachael Rage]
I read it yet another way, reversing DudleyGarrett’s interpretation:
“I called you an idiot, it’s true; and I’m sad about it.” (It is true that I called you an idiot and I am sad that I said such a thing.)
“I called you an idiot; it’s true, and I’m sad about it.” (I called you an idiot. That was a true statement, and the fact that you are an idiot makes me sad.)
DudleyGarrett is probably more correct though..
[/QUOTE]
No, you are. At least, yours is the interpretation I had in mind when I posted this. I never expected it to generate a debate. Maybe I’m the idiot. 
I like chicken, salad, and iced tea.
I like chicken salad and iced tea.