Calling all Jews:Admit the truth to SweetWilly (in Pit in prep for Jewish attack!)

This is in The Pit 'cause I’m revealing secrets and expect to be attacked by some more of the radical Jews on the Board!*

Fellow Jews,

Willy is onto us ( here ) and frankly, it’s long past time we told him the truth. He’s going to figure it out anyway, so why prolong his suffering? He’s one of us now and he deserves to know.

Willy, you’re right. Jews are part of a vast, global conspiracy to control all the power and weath in the world. We do use innocent blood to make our matzo and we do sneer at non-Jews.

But now you’re one of us! And the whole truth must be told.

It’s important to Jews to make sure that all Jews share our ill=gotten gain. When we find a “lost sheep” or “mamzer” as we call them, we make sure that they’re contacted as soon as possible to let you know that you were one of us and to trigger certain…changes.

When a mamzer receives one of these calls, the kosher allele on the Jewish gene is triggered and mental and physical changes occur.

First, Willy the mamzer is probably feeling a craving for gefilte fish, bagels and lox with a schmeer, kreplach and so on. Nothing but Dr. Brown’s cream soda or Maneschevitz wine should seem acceptable to drink. Willy’s also beginning to appreciate the humor of “borsht belt” comedians like Jackie Mason and the incomparable Lou Jacobi. Finally, he should start craving money. Not for any need or to purchase things with, just to aquire (and possibly to roll around in, burrow through like a porpoise and throw into the air and let it hit him in the head).

Also, he’s undergoing physical changes. His forehead and the base of his spine are probably itching terribly right now (so we should excuse his irritablity): he’s growing in his horns and tail. While there’s no word that describes the state of Willy’s tail, we have an affectionate nickname someone who’s head is in the state that Willy’s is in: a tuchis-keppe. “Keppe” means “head” and “tuchis” refers to the state or condition that Willy’s is in.

As I said, normally knowing about the changes in advance helps people accept the inevitable, but Willy’s obviously one of those rare people for whom the change doesn’t go so smoothly. We call these people “meeskites”. It’s up to us to be kind to him and tell him what he needs to know to make the transition easier.

Fellow Jews, up 'till now, you have been posting the standard stuff to Willy. You’ve been real mentshs. But now’s the time to tell him the truth. If you do, it’ll be a mitzvah!

Fenris, fessing up.

*Frankly, I fear for my life. I may get a hamentashen in my pupik for revealing this. But the truth must be told.

Ah, Boobie. Nice use of Yiddish, etc.

And a perfect opportunity for this:


I’m sorry, Fenris, I usually love your stuff, but this isn’t funny. If people didn’t die because of blood libels, crackpot “world domination” thoeries, etc. then it would be funny. But as it is, considering the history, I’m afraid it’s not.

Sorry (just voicing my own opinion).

Zev Steinhardt

For Willy, we’d better make it Cel-Ray soda.

Can I be an honorary Jew? Pretty please?? My grandma drank Maneschevitz (and Kimmel), and my da-yad is a jeweler.

Zev: Don’t be sorry. I thought about the sort of issues you raised before I posted this thread, but for me, I believe it’s much harder for anti-Semites to get their evil out if we’re laughing at it.

If we come back and defend every psychotic theory as though there was even a grain of truth to it, it (IMO) legitimizes their argument in that we’re taking it seriously enough to rebut it.

No amount of logic or empassioned speech will convince a mamzer like Willy that he’s wrong, but taking him seriously feeds his delusions.

Laughing at him, however, doesn’t. He still won’t like us, but we undermine him by laughing at him.

I understand that others feel differently and I don’t denigrate their POV. However, I really belive that mocking them is the better way.


Well I thought it was kinda funny Fenris. I haven’t yet lost my sense of humor. :slight_smile:

Unfortunately, your mind wasn’t so lucky

It made me hungry. Anyone want to make a run for bagels and lox?

See! It’s working!

::MsRobyn takes another pull from her can of Diet Dr. Brown’s::

And all this time, I thought the itchy head was just a bad case of dandruff. Now I know it’s those damn horns!

Robin, who hopes her son is born on a Sunday so she can host BrisDope. :smiley:

MsR: You’re gonna make Jack Dean Tyler cry!

Can I join, too? I’m not Jewish, but I was circumcized on the eighth day (true – long story). I could sure use some of that money. My wallet (made from the product of that eighth day ceremony – that stuff wears like iron ) has been empty for a long time! ;j :smiley:

Actually, Fenris, your post was funny, but I can see Zev’s point. I think there’s room for both on the Boards.

Sweet Willy strikes again…

May I officially say “Oy Vey”. Dumbfuck, wannabe/donwannabe Jew. One day he wants to be a Jew, 4 weeks later he’s sick cause someone called him a Jew…or something.


Gawd: I’m still firmly convinced that SW never wanted to be a Jew–he was just using that line as an excuse to display some of his anti-semitism. Looks like I was right in that thread.


Whoah… SW was banned while I was actually reading the thread. That’s a first for me!

Hey, why was SweetWilly b…oh, to hell with it.

(Bless you, Lynn.)

Chocolate for somebody, somewhere… :smiley:

I didn’t sneeze! Though I’ll take any chocolate I can get.

I think drastic’s comment was the funniest thing I’ve read this week.