Ignore that above: screwed up through a truely bizzare seriies of events.
It sounds tome like he didn’t know if he loved you or not. That’s not the same as knowing he didn’t. The first three months or so I was with my now-husband I was very ambigous about the whole deal: I wasn’t sure if I was feeling love or infatuation or just horniness–I worried that was ws convincing myself that I was in love because I wanted to be in love, or because I was so flattered that he was in love with me. I sepent a great deal of time agonizing over all these things. That’s what you are supposed to do: unfortunantly, that sometimes means people decide that it is just infatuation or horniness or flattery after all. You’ll do the same thing to someone else someday, and it will be ok then, too.
From what you said here, it looks like it’s nobody’s fault: sometimes even when both people act in good faiith, pain happens.
I’m sorry for completely snappy. I do appreciate everyones advice; I’m sure everyone understands that when you’re hurting, you say things that you don’t mean.
As far as our friendship goes, we have emailed eachother a couple times. I’m not going to let things entirely go for now. I’m going to say hi every once in a while, but I do believe that I need my distance. I want to work on our friendship, and although I know it will never be the same nor as strong, I want to be able to talk to him without being like, “What a dick. I hate you.”
I care about him, and for right now I am still in love with him, even though I know thats the last thing he wants to hear and the last thing I should be telling myself. It’s only been 2 days though.
And as for my day today, I’m getting ready for bed, and I’m by myself. I always feel bad by myself. So I thank God for my best friend that has stuck by me and not left me for the last 48 hours. What would I do without a best firend like her to take me out to eat, and go shopping, and let me cry with her, on her, and just complain.
Tomorrow is another day! And I’m sure its still gonna hurt tomorrow. But all you all have said, time heals.
You guys, this sucks. As much as I’m trying not to sulk, I just keep thinking about things. I have been up all night. I have yet to fall asleep. Why does love have to hurt so bad?
See my above point about physical labor–somewhere in your house there is a closet that needs cleaning out, and if you are really lucky there is a yard that needs mowing. Get on it. Trust me here.
You put yourself out there, it sounds like you did all the right things in terms of longevity and happiness in a relationship. You fell in love with your best friend, always the best thing to do…assuming it is reciprocated. It was worth a shot, it didn’t work out, you didn’t screw up, and HE didn’t necessarily screw up either…but even if he DID, it doesn’t mean you were wrong to try. It doesn’t mean you are a fool, it doesn’t mean you weren’t moving down the wrong road…just maybe with the wrong person.
It hurts, but you will get through this.
At the risk of being repetitive, as I am sure it is as I have suggested this to others on this board, find that song by Don Henley “The Heart of the Matter” and listen to it a few times…lots of really good insight in there if you forget the fact that the circumstances in the song aren’t exactly like yours.
{{{{{{{{{{BadAzzBec}}}}}}}}}}
sorry… I’m in a little doo wah diddy of my own. Theres a thread somewhere out there. Just remember, you didn’t lose anything… HE did.
