Can super-hot people be trusted?

[shizaru]

@Rigamarole

I enjoy talking to and even, if she is receptive, flirting with the occasional very “model-hot” female I come across. But I don’t think I could ever be able to trust and pursue a serious relationship with one, even if such a female was interested in having one with me. At any moment she could be with anyone she chooses, and though she may choose me for a time my experience with those sorts of females don’t find them particularly, how shall we say, consistent.

Of course, oftentimes I have found such females to have really awful attitudes. Understandably, this is probably a result of a lifetime of constant, mostly unwelcome advances and hitting-ons from men (and probably women too). Why would I want to deal with that?

On the flip side, for the women - are you ever weary of “very hot” guys who are the object of other women’s attention? Do you think they can be trusted? (this poll is open to both men and women of any orientation but it helps if you identify your own gender)

Hmmmm…beauty and/or hotness is in the eye of the beholder. But even so…

I tend to like women that don’t wear a lot of makeup…if a woman looks good naturally, thats a serious plus to me. There was one girl in college that everyone thought was hot. I could barely speak to her because she was, in my opinion, the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen at that point in my life. We actually did become friends because one night I did speak to her at a party. She told me she was often lonely because people don’t speak to her a lot. Men were afraid to talk to her and girls hated her. All because she was good looking. (she didn’t call herself good looking, but that was the gist of it…she knew she was hot but she was very modest). The sad part is just before graduation she told me she really wanted me to ask her out on a date instead of us just hanging out as friends. I was completely shocked. In my mind girls that look that * good don’t go out with guys that look like me. *

As for men, I had a friend back home that was what I guess women found hot. He even lived with me for awhile. His sexual exploits were legendary in the old 'hood because women threw themselves at him. I was in a supermarket with him one day and he saw a pretty girl. He told me he was gonna “have that”. I swear to you, that night I was in my kitchen talking to another buddy that was visiting when this girl came out of his bedroom wearing nothing but one of his shirts, got some ice from the fridge and scampered back into his room. I guess in some ways men can get as jealous as women, because even though he was a friend it made me green with envy that he could date all of these hot chicks with no effort. And its not jealousy making me say this, but he was the most shallow person I know. (worse than the Cat in Red Dwarf). I didn’t entirely trust this guy even though he was an ok roommate because always got what he wanted by virtue of his good looks…and it made him a tad arrogant and self serving.

I do have a problem with hot women though. It might be a bad way to think, but I dated a girl everyone thought was hot once. She was beautiful, and a buddy asked me what I did to get a girl like that. I knew without really any proof at that time that she was only dating me until someone better came along. I wish I was wrong, but I proved myself right. She met some guy that admittedly was better looking and had more money than I did and she dropped me the next day. Cold bloodedly too. She had a key to my house and she basically threw the stuff of mine that was at her place in the living room and called me at work to tell me she was dumping me for MR.Moneybags-Looks-Good. (Welcome to dumpsville, population: me!) Didn’t help that would often see her out with this guy and they would always stop and talk to me in a “Can you believe I dated this loser/I can’t believe you dated this loser” tone. That kind of soured me against women in general for a long time, which is a story best left for another time.

I also knew a girl that was a local national working for the US gov’t when I first went on active duty and was stationed in Mannheim that everyone thought was fantastically beautiful. She was and like every other single guy in the unit I had the hots for her. Another civilian lady that worked in the same office I did encouraged me to ask her out. It was obvious that I liked her, and this lady kept telling me “You’re a sweet guy…ask her out! She’d probably love to go out with you!”. So I swallowed my fear of her hotness and asked her…and she turned me down with one of those nice turn downs that always sound gentle but really amount to **“YOU? Do you really think I with all my glorious Hotness, would go out with a lowly worm like you? Kiss my feet and scamper off in in awe of my radiant hair, for you will always look in regret at the tremendous curves that are mine to command, knowing you will never touch them!”…**ok, I got issues, but man, that hurt. Once again I swept up what was left of my ego and put it in an empty aspirin bottle. It didn’t come out again for months.

The subject of hot women always reminds me of this woman I used to see all of the time where I worked for a time. She was a civilian and I never knew her name, I’d just see her in the building I worked in. She seemed nice, and always greeted people with a cheery hello, but man she was drop dead gorgeous. I remember feeling very angry and jealous of her only because I knew people would pretty much always regard her with more kindness than they would ever regard me or any other “average looking” person. She’d most likely never be lonely, despite what I said about my friend above. This probably makes me sound like a shallow person myself, but I’ve come to the realization that I’m not that good looking and I can’t really do much about it. But still, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be one of the beautiful people.

[Dung_Beetle]

Can they be trusted? Maybe.

Do I trust them? No.

@DianaG

Not trusting people who are more attractive than average is ridiculous, unless you also don’t trust people who are smarter than average, or have more money than average, or possess any other advantage in “unfair” amounts.

I understand that this is true, but it doesn’t stop the invisible defenses from going up. I do also have “issues” with people that are vastly smarter or richer than I, now that you mention it. In the case of smarter people, it isn’t that I don’t trust them, it’s more a sense of “They are different from (and better than) me.” In the case of rich people, it’s merely “They are different from me.” It doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll dislike them, but I don’t expect us to have much in common.

I also feel hot guys are less trustworthy than hot girls. I think this stems from the fact that a lot of girl-hotness can be just a matter of grooming. In other words, a plain girl can do a lot with makeup and hair and clothing to boost her appearance, whereas male hotness tends to be more a gift from the gods. And if a guy was born with so much wonderful specialness on the outside, he probably has a lot less wonderful specialness on the inside. After all, people can’t be perfect, right?

I know it’s irrational, but it’s how I feel.

[Carlyjay]

Sorry, not so much. Attractiveness has absolutely nothing to do with ethics and faithfulness. Nothing at all.

The hot girl/guy may get more unsolicited attention from others, I suppose, but that makes them no less trustworthy as a mate.

Personal example: My fiance is the hottest guy I’ve ever dated in my whole life. He’s really, really handsome, and I’m not just saying that because I’m biased; he has been propositioned by women right in front of me on more than one occasion.

He would never, ever cheat on me. I have 100% faith in that. He is the most trustworthy and loyal man I have ever met, and the only man I’ve ever had complete and total faith in.

I once dated a man who was fiendishly ugly. Not just in looks but in personality as well. To make matters worse, he had horrible hygeine as well; scarce was the day he would brush his teeth. (To this day, I have no idea why I dated him; even those around us were bewildered when they found out we were dating.)

This guy cheated on me with at least three other people. He was ugly as sin, but he had more opportunities to cheat than my fiance does, only because Ugly Guy was open to these opportunities. He helped create them.

My handsome and wonderful fiance may get unsolicited attention from the ladies, but he just waves it off as though it’s nothing, and frankly, half the time he doesn’t even notice it.

And to be fair… he says the same thing about me.

[fisha]

On the flip side, I think unattractive people often have a yearning for love, and may be prone to untrustworthiness for ego gratification, or someone, somewhere accepting them.

There has been more than one occasion where I had heard rumors about people cheating, and neither one was attractive in the least.

[fisha]

Preview is my friend…Sorry to repeat you, Carlyjay.

[ultrafilter]

There are good people and bad people in this world, and they’re found in roughly the same proportion in almost every group.

[Carlyjay]

@dahfisheroo

Preview is my friend…Sorry to repeat you, Carlyjay.

Hey, why apologize when we agree?

[alice_in_wonderland]

Well, some people think that I’m hot. Some people even think that I’m “model” hot. I’ve never cheated on anybody. It’s just not my MO.

Conversely, I know more than a few “plain” girls that cheat often - I assume in an attempt to validate themselves as attractive.

I mean think about it - if people pay tonnes of attention to me, including paying for pictures of me, I kind of get that I’m cute - I don’t need validation of my appearance by seeking out other men/women. On the other hand, if people sort of ignore me, and I don’t get a lot of “You’re hot” feedback, maybe I’ll seek out extramarital affairs in an attempt to validate that aspect of myself.

Regardless - it seems like sort of a silly premise - some people will use whatever they can to cheat another, and some people won’t. It doesn’t much matter if the commodity in question is looks, smarts, money or whatever.

[Anaamika]

@Rigamarole

On the flip side, for the women - are you ever weary of “very hot” guys who are the object of other women’s attention? Do you think they can be trusted? (this poll is open to both men and women of any orientation but it helps if you identify your own gender)

Yeah, I’ll agree. I’ll admire super-hot guys but I won’t date them. **Dung Beetle **says it best:
Can they be trusted? Maybe.
Do I trust them. Nope.
I do find in my experience, too, that when they are hot and everything has come easy to them - you don’t think so? Then I disagree how much good looks makes your life easier, even easier than lots of money, obviously. I don’t feel they can have much depth, nor do i feel that they will have the patience to go through rough times or possibly sometimes not getting what they want.

I know it’s a stereotype, but everybody has to draw their line somewhere and this is where I draw mine.

[Maeglin]

Are you in essence saying that the more exceptional a person is, the less likely he has much depth?

This seems counterintuitive.

@Anaamika

Yeah, I’ll agree. I’ll admire super-hot guys but I won’t date them. **Dung Beetle **says it best:
Can they be trusted? Maybe.
Do I trust them. Nope.
I do find in my experience, too, that when they are hot and everything has come easy to them - you don’t think so? Then I disagree how much good looks makes your life easier, even easier than lots of money, obviously. I don’t feel they can have much depth, nor do i feel that they will have the patience to go through rough times or possibly sometimes not getting what they want.

I know it’s a stereotype, but everybody has to draw their line somewhere and this is where I draw mine.

[Anaamika]

@Maeglin

Are you in essence saying that the more exceptional a person is, the less likely he has much depth?

This seems counterintuitive.

I never said ‘exceptional’. No, I mean physical attractiveness. I don’t feel the same about intelligence or other stuff like that. Intelligent people have lots of troubles in a country like this…(I don’t know how it got to the point that intelligent people were made fun of in schools etc.), but I think trouble is what gives you depth. Experience, you know.

And super-attractive people don’t get that much trouble, or rather, trouble of a different sort. Too much attention, or people valuing them only for their looks. I don’t not acknowledge that kind of trouble. I just don’t value it as much. Boo-hoo if your biggest problem is people value your looks first - your path is still always going to be easier.

Sorry for the absolutely atrocious grammar.

[DianaG]

@Anaamika

And super-attractive people don’t get that much trouble, or rather, trouble of a different sort. Too much attention, or people valuing them only for their looks. I don’t not acknowledge that kind of trouble. I just don’t value it as much. Boo-hoo if your biggest problem is people value your looks first - your path is still always going to be easier.

Right, because attractive people are ONLY about their looks, and can’t possibly have any life experiences that are unrelated to their looks.

And I’m shallow? :rolleyes:

Seriously, I acknowledge that being attractive makes life easier. That doesn’t mean that it makes it easy. I happen to be exceptionally attractive. I also happen to be exceptionally intelligent. And yet somehow, even in combination, these attributes have not afforded me the life of ecstatic ease and happiness that I so richly deserve.

[Waverly]

@Rigamarole

At any moment she could be with anyone she chooses, and though she may choose me for a time my experience with those sorts of females don’t find them particularly, how shall we say, consistent.

You have some self-worth issues, bud. Does a super-hot woman have opportunities? Sure. So what? An average looking girl might have relatively fewer, but relatively fewer could still be a significant number. Especially if the average looking girl flirts, or generally acts open to being approached. I’d dare to say that a willingness to screw around will up the opportunities and overshadow any advantages offered by looks.

You know what I think? I think you feel a need to manufacture a reason to put hot looking people on a lower moral tier than yourself. Maybe you lack confidence, or maybe you had one bad experience that you are compelled to explain with broad generalizations. I dunno. But get over it.

[Maeglin]

I suppose this is why I find it counterintuitive.

Let’s pretend for a moment that I am intelligent and well-equipped to succeed in a service-oriented economy. I use my intelligence to get whatever I want. I might have gotten teased when I was a kid, but suppose now I pull down $$$, am promoted frequently, and have a team of people working for me.

My life is much easier than if I were a mediocre person for whom everything in life is a struggle.

Do I lack depth?

@Anaamika

I never said ‘exceptional’. No, I mean physical attractiveness. I don’t feel the same about intelligence or other stuff like that. Intelligent people have lots of troubles in a country like this…(I don’t know how it got to the point that intelligent people were made fun of in schools etc.), but I think trouble is what gives you depth. Experience, you know.

And super-attractive people don’t get that much trouble, or rather, trouble of a different sort. Too much attention, or people valuing them only for their looks. I don’t not acknowledge that kind of trouble. I just don’t value it as much. Boo-hoo if your biggest problem is people value your looks first - your path is still always going to be easier.

Sorry for the absolutely atrocious grammar.

[Anaamika]

@DianaG

Right, because attractive people are ONLY about their looks, and can’t possibly have any life experiences that are unrelated to their looks.

And I’m shallow? :rolleyes:

Seriously, I acknowledge that being attractive makes life easier. That doesn’t mean that it makes it easy. I happen to be exceptionally attractive. I also happen to be exceptionally intelligent. And yet somehow, even in combination, these attributes have not afforded me the life of ecstatic ease and happiness that I so richly deserve.

Heh, I never denied it was shallow of me to feel attractive people are shallow! Life is all about experiences, you know. And if you’ve had enough experiences of one sort it changes your perception of things. I have never ever met a super-hot person who also managed to have compassion and kindness. But such is my own opinion, and you and I don’t need to fight as we were never going to date anyway.
Maeglin, the intelligent person did something for his success and wasn’t just born with gorgeous looks. I think the difference is huge.

[Maeglin]

@Anaamika

Maeglin, the intelligent person did something for his success and wasn’t just born with gorgeous looks. I think the difference is huge.

The intelligent person was born on first base, just like the attractive person. He was born with energy and an active intellect. It probably requires less effort for him to, say, develop a sophisticated financial model than it takes for an average innumerate to balance his checkbook. Yet you say he did something for his success?

[Waverly]

@Maeglin

The intelligent person was born on first base, just like the attractive person. He was born with energy and an active intellect. It probably requires less effort for him to, say, develop a sophisticated financial model than it takes for an average innumerate to balance his checkbook. Yet you say he did something for his success?

I find it odd that people associate one innate gift with solid work ethic while another innate gift, all things being equal, makes them, and all around them, shallow.

I’m glad I was born mean, dumb, and ugly. I must be the hardest working mean, dumb, ugly fucker around.

[Anaamika]

@Maeglin

The intelligent person was born on first base, just like the attractive person. He was born with energy and an active intellect. It probably requires less effort for him to, say, develop a sophisticated financial model than it takes for an average innumerate to balance his checkbook. Yet you say he did something for his success?

Lots of intelligent people don’t do anything with their brains! My point is that intelligent people don’t just automatically make it to the top of society in this world. They still have to work for it. Yet gorgeous people merely have to exist.

[Anaamika]

Another thought - the intelligent person brings something to the table. What does the gorgeous person bring?

Like I said, I’m not denying this is a somewhat shallow attitude…but you know, what, it’s been borne up by experience every time. I see no reason to change it. I’m not actively going out and discriminating against super-attractive people. I’m not in a position to do so. My whole “discrimination” is a) don’t date them. I’m wary of everyone I meet, anyway, so that’s nothing new.

[Maeglin]

@Waverly

I find it odd that people associate one innate gift with solid work ethic while another innate gift, all things being equal, makes them, and all around them, shallow.

I’m glad I was born mean, dumb, and ugly. I must be the hardest working mean, dumb, ugly fucker around.

You and me both, dude, you and me both.