They’re saying it now about Tiger Woods, they said it about Hugh Grant, and they said it about Prince Charles. Is an attractive woman more deserving of fidelity than an unattractive woman? If a man cheated on his ugly wife with an attractive woman, would this be a sign of intelligence, or is a man only an immoral cad when the cheated upon is an attractive woman? I would assume that most people understand that long term relationships are about much more than sexual attractiveness and that sometimes attractiveness does not equal good in bed or sexually compatible, so why do people say this? It bothers me because it seems like an admission that people in general feel that beautiful women ‘should’ be treated decently just because, and one who treats an unattractive woman badly just can’t be expected to help himself, on account of all the ugly. Or am I just reading way too much into it? What exactly DO people mean when they say this?
I had dental surgery today and am on narcotic painkillers, so sorry if this doesn’t make much sense. I tried.
I don’t think you are. I think that in general, there is a lot of currency given to beauty. And that to a lot of men, no matter how mean or untalented or bitchy or whatever a woman is, the bottom line is, “Is she hot?”
Guys who say that aren’t thinking at all in terms of what the woman “deserves.” They’re just wondering why he would feel the need to sleep around. Why go out for McDonalds if you’ve got prime rib at home?
I’m not sure I’ve really heard it precisely expressed as being “stupid,” that often either, just befuddling. Any “stupidity,” I guess would lie in the risk of losing a trophy.
Definitely. When people say this it has nothing to do with their respect for the woman.
It’s pretty much exactly the opposite of what you’re thinking, actually. It’s an admission that guys in general can quickly, easily and without compunction, reduce an attractive woman to a sexual object.
The only thing close to what you’re thinking is that it does seem to imply an assumption that pretty girls are exactly as amazing in the sack as we fantasize them to be.
No, hot chicks don’t deserve greater fidelity. But many (most?) guys think one reason to cheat would be to do it with a really hot chick. If you are already sleeping with a swimsuit model, that kinda takes that motivation off the table.
Are women that different? Aren’t a couple of the main reasons one would consider cheating if a guy were incredibly attractive, or if he were extremely intelligent and personable?
So what did these assortment of cocktail waitresses and hostesses have to offer that Tiger’s wife (an ex-nanny) didn’t?
It’s not a matter of decency, it’s a matter of motivation.
The assumption (and it is no doubt often wrong) is that guys cheat because they get the hots for a pretty woman. If their wife is objectively hotter than the woman they cheated with, it challenges that assumption.
The reaction by most guys isn’t “he’s stupid”, it is more like bafflement: “he cheated with her? WTF! His wife’s really hot, she’s an uggo!”.
No doubt very shallow and all, but it has nothing to do with “hot women get treated more decently” or “it is okay to treat ugly woman badly”. It isn’t a moral commentary at all.
But isn’t reducing a woman to “really hot” or an “uggo” pretty dehumanizing? You don’t see this done nearly so much with men as you do with women. Divorcing who a woman is from how she looks is really difficult for a lot of people.
Sometimes, familiarity does breed contempt. What happens if you marry the hottest woman in the world, then find out that you have nothing in common with her, and in fact, you hate large portions of her personality?
You either sleep in the bed you made, you get out, or you do something underhanded and morally questionable to try to deal with it.
Lots of guys (and girls) go for option 3.
A crude restatement in the form of a (tired, old) bon mot:
“Show me the most beautiful, sexiest bombshell in the world, and I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of putting up with her shit.”
I should point out that this is one possible reason, and in no way invalidates any of the points already addressed.
I think in Tiger’s case it was more a question of availability. And getting a dose of “hero worship” that he’s probably going to get everywhere, except with his immediate family. The babes on tour don’t have to deal with him leaving the remote control in the couch cushions or his underwear on the bedroom floor.
From Freudian Slit:
Oh, come now, I’ve seen a few episodes of “Sex and the City.” Mr. Big? Dehumanizing? I think people of either sex do plenty of it, especially in reference to people who we don’t really think of as human, like celebrities.
Sure it happens with both sexes but not nearly with the frequency that it happens to women. I mean it’s almost the first question you hear when you mention you’ve met a woman–is she hot/cute, etc.
… and to turn it around, what’s the female version of this question?
“What does he do for a living???” (sometimes this is also paired with “is he cute?”)
Or do the majority of women skip that question and just discuss his “personality”? Because as we all know, the only thing that counts is what’s “on the inside” … which means that women treat lawyers, doctors, plumbers, and brick layers as equal marriage potential because all that counts is “what’s on the inside.”
I think that this also played into the reaction to the Clinton/Lewinsky thing. But it wasn’t a matter of how hot the wife was vs. how hot the other woman was. It was a matter of how hot of a woman he could have easily gotten vs. how hot of a woman he actually chose.
Nice looking women can be a bitch just as much as an ugly one.
Or on the flip side, guys can be jerks too regardless.
Remember it takes two to make a good relationship, but it only takes one to make a bad relationship.
Tiger has a very family “goody goody” image so it is more important for him to keep it up. Will he lose endorsements? Probably not, but the value will go down. So now instead of $10 million to endorse a product he’ll get $5 million to endorse it. Oh poor guy
But “What does he do for a living?” is about his personality. It’s one of the questions you ask when you’re getting to know someone because it can tell you a lot about him. How he spends a large portion of his week, what he’s interested in, where his talents lie, where he wants his life to go, etc. I wouldn’t assume that his job tells me everything I need to know or that all the conclusions I draw must be accurate, but it’s a good place to start.
At least, that’s what I mean when I ask that. I might just be naïve.
Occasionally at the mall or movie theater or anyplace where the teens like to hang out you’ll overhear a black girl suck her teeth and say, “Mm, he can do better than that!”
She is usually only referring to the girlfriend’s attractiveness and not taking any of this into account.
