I’m here. I’ve been reading. I haven’t responded becasue I’m taking all that you say into consideration.
Yes, I do have a boyfriend and he’s a good person, and I’m not sure why this event has me so upset.
I admit, I’m in need of help and I did begin to see a therapist a few weeks ago.
People often turn to the Internet for the things lacking in their real life. My guess, your guy always had someone in the “Real World” but you gave him things that his real person couldn’t for a time. He probably felt like he was in a win-win scenario… he got the fulfillment he wanted - being someone’s champion, which is great for the self-esteem, by the way, and releasing some sexual tension as well. But he never felt like he was cheating on his real person, because he never saw you in real life. He segregated his worlds. Telling you that you were his fantasy life (by telling you he had a real girlfriend) would have brought too much realism into his great setup. It was almost like being a character in a book for him, where he actually had influence on the storyline. But he never wanted it to be more than it was.
And much like a book that you remember fondly, when reminded, you might want to re-read the book again, so long as it stays where it belongs. So he mentions he misses your photos. Whenever there is a break-up, you can fondly remember the good parts of a relationship and miss them, but the problem is, you can’t pick and choose which parts of a real relationship to bring back - it is all or nothing.
I am guessing that you have had very few relationships and that is why you didn’t realize you were only fantasy to this guy. Contrary to his approach to you, he was your real world at the time, you just hadn’t had the chance to make it real. Of course it hurt you to find out that he never had any intention of making you “real” and that he compartmentalized you, even though you have someone else now. You remember him fondly as a real relationship, but now you are finding out that while he loved you, it wasn’t in the way you had taken it at the time.
Glad to hear you are seeing a therapist and you have a great boyfriend now.