I would think that a reliable sign would be if the man has another man’s penis in his mouth.
What if it’s severed and tied to a string around his neck?
Or if he likes Coldplay.
I’m not saying you can’t ever tell, just that you (and everyone else) can’t always tell.
Your first link doesn’t work.
Are you sure you’re not assigning this attribute to Neil Patrick Harris after the fact of his coming out? I’m gay and never saw it – and I was looking for it. As I’ve said there are many times and may ways you can tell by looking, I’m jut curious as to why you think this so insistently.
Nzinga, Seated, I wonder if what you’re noticing is not how they look so much as how they don’t look at you and other women. This would expecially be true if you’re used to guys looking at you with interest, since there would be something noticable about one who didn’t.
And if any of them are guys you’ve known a while before you decide, there are probably behavioral clues you pick up on, too, even if you don’t know you’re doing it. I wasn’t much surprised to learn that a co-worker was gay this summer, even though nothing about his mannerisms or the way he looks screams “gay.” I’d wondered if he might be weeks before I was told, because even though he was a cute kid with a lot of female admirers, he never seemed to know to respond to their overt flirting and their attention flustered him. At first I thought, aww he’s shy around girls and inexperienced, but I decided that didn’t add up because so many girls his age seemed eager for his…company. So I concluded he probably was inexperienced with girls by choice, and wasn’t shocked later when another co-worker casually mentioned that girls get mad at him when they learn he’s gay and stop bringing him food.
Try highlighting the address and hitting enter. I think IMDB doesn’t like hyperlinking or something.
Ah, that got it. Nice pic of Sir Ian.
Now, what’s special about his eyes again? They seem normal to me.
Once I met a guy in a bar and within moments I was sure he was gay. But that was because he was introduced to me as “Big Gay Steve” and immediately asked me if I liked having my cock sucked. (He was drunk out of his mind.)
I had a funny experience with this just yesterday. I was in one of those places that sells natural grooming products looking for some after shave balm. Three guys I assume were gay (they were about 40, in good shape, looked like they spent a lot of time on their hair and skin, were dressed very stylishly, and talked in more feminine fashion) were looking at the stuff and offering their critiques of the products. I stood by and listened.
An hour later, I saw them in the food court and I was studying their clothes since they looked sharp (really, occassionally I have to look nice and I any guidance is appreciated). One of them looked at me in this way that is hard to describe- it was like a come-on (heh) staredown. I went whoa and looked the other way, I didn’t want to be a tease! He walked by and looked over his shoulder as he left. That dude’s gaydar was a little off and I felt a little stupid.
Didn’t you read what he said? They’ve got teh gay!
I can’t tell if someone is gay by looking at them. But then I can’t tell if they’re interested in me either. I have …not a lot of social perception, and many of the things describe in this thread seem bizarre and arbitrary. (“Gay eyes”? WTF?).
I think part of the reason is that who someone sleeps with just isn’t that important to me. If you can say no and accept a no when dealing with people you aren’t attracted to, that’s all that matters. Who someone votes for is far more important.
When I skimmed this post, I read this as “decoratively gay lifestyle.”
I must say, I have always tried to have my gay lifestyle be decorative.
Nzinga, I am a gay man and I am not in the least offended by your question. Gays often joke about having “gaydar” to spot one another.
The trouble is that nothing you have said is very scientific. If you go into what is essentially a gay bar, obviously many of the patrons would look you over and have body language and facial expressions that imply they are gay.
I am reminded about the time I said to a toupee maker that I never saw a rug I couldn’t spot at 50 paces, let alone up close. His comment, which made me feel a bit foolish, was: “And how often have you detected hairpieces that can’t be detected?”
How many undetectable gay people have you seen? No way to tell, is there?
What we would have to do is have a whole series of men (or women) that would be pre-classified (correctly) as gay, straight, bi, etc., and observed by a number of participants who would then be asked to judge who was what. We would have to be careful with things like context, profession (Bruce is a single hair stylist who does ballet in his spare time 
) context, weddding rings, etc. etc.
Otherwise it becomes a stereotype sort of thing in which each bit of anecdotal evidence reinforces the stereotype.
If you are convinced that Italians are swarthy and curly-haired, then if you meet 50 Italians who fit this description (and millions of Italians do) then each one will reinforce your stereotype because you will tell yourself that they really look Italian. Then if you also meet 50 blond Italians (there are millions of them too) you will simply say: “They don’t look Italian”. So the stereotype remains unassailable by evidence.
I think you hit the nail on the head. There is no way of knowing. It’s like mistaking the tip of the iceberg for the iceberg itself. The surface of an iceberg gives no idea how much lies concealed beneath the water, but one can be sure the underwater portion exceeds the visible.
I don’t think the true story of human sexuality will ever be told. Some people seek body parts, some seek love, romance, friendship, tenderness or passion, and some accept what comes their way. There are too many blurred lines and group-identification is too subjective. Also, I suspect we categorize ourselves as much by what we desire as what we reject (or deny).
Can you tell someone is gay by looking? My reponse is: not as often as we think.
My husband always says to me, “It never fails to amaze me what you aren’t ashamed to admit to people”. So here goes… I did not know that there are millions of naturally blond Italians!
Valteron, everything you have said makes perfect sense to me. Everything everyone has said has been considered. I have no choice but to admit that there is no way I can spot every gay man. But I still can’t help thinking that when I do see this ‘look’, that means the guy is gay. I think that when I do see this look, I am always right, but I admit that not every gay man has this look.
For all of the people in this thread saying, “maybe I can’t tell because I could care less what someone’s sexual preference is…” yeah. Ok. We get it. You judge every one by the content of their character and not the gender of their preference. But I wonder if you don’t notice black people are black, just because, “race doesn’t matter”.