I swear to god there are times when I force myself to be so extra friendly and productive, that soon after I can be irritated and just plain mean to people without even thinking about it. This is primarily when I organized a pickup sport, that pretty much required to be extremely friendly to everyone constantly on and off the field, then I think my chemistry became so accustomed to that, that it seems like my chemistry was actually changed to be able to be friendly on that day, then even just that night I would be extremely grumpy.
Can you guys think of any technical biological reasons that make this make sense? E.g. maybe being productive/friendly uses up a lot of dopamine or endorphins or something like that?
I think this would go along with the same chemistry involved in building relationships. Part of the welcoming ritual is helping someone to feel better about themselves and their place in the group while in the company of the group. If you feeling are not sincere it will be taxing on you. Try the concept of faking it till you make it, the good vibes will start coming back to you and reinforce your good behavior, eventually it will become natural to you.
Can you use your quota of friendliness energy and then end up being mean to people (tentatively)?
Is this a challenge?
Please don’t ask me for cites, but there are studies and articles positing that the difference between introverts and extroverts lies in the fact that some people draw energy from social interactions while others are drained by them.
I can understand where OP is coming from, and my experience affirms those studies: as an introvert functioning in a career field requiring a lot of inter-personal interaction, I can be sociable and communicative for only so long before I’m exhausted. I like to say that “I’m not an extrovert, but I play one in real life.” It’s acting, and as such it’s work. When I’m out of the energy needed to act, I’ll revert to real type: a shoe-gazing software geek, with the added liability of being over-tired and in consequence grumpy.
I don’t try to be “mean”, because acts of kindness or meanness are a separate issue, but if I’m out of social gas I will be curmudgeonly, hard to draw out, and monosyllabic. Not to mention a lot less interested in anything other than purely functional communication, so don’t pick that time to unburden your heart to me please… unless you want me to solve your problems (which I’ve discovered isn’t usually the case).
Appropriate to bring this topic up right before the holidays.
We just went from a household of two introverts to Grand Central Station, adding kids, siblings, nieces (AND their dogs), and grandma.
I’ve been curmudgeonly and headachy for 48 hours now. When this is over I have an appointment with a coffee joint where I can sit and read for hours and no one knows me.