We all knew it was only a matter of time. That time is now.
By all visible measures, Canada is a peaceable nation. A nation comprised 90% by lumberjacks and 10% by human-beaver hybrids, main activities for Canadians include beer-drinking contests and copious amounts of bacon consumption. They are the world’s foremost authority on recombinant bioengineering through the use of BNA (Bacon Nucleic Acid). They have a world-class national health care system, and a Canadian doctor first discovered the healing properties of maple syrup.
Relations with the US have always been good, but those in the know knew that an attack was looming. The first indicator was Canada’s unwillingness to secure their border against illegal Mexican aliens. Then there’s the Hockey Youth, a program designed to mold Canadian youth into brutal, rugged followers of whatever the political system is up there. Last but not least, a whole province of Canada is teeming with French … people. Any nation with a bilingual McDonalds is one step away from full-blown state sponsored terrorism.
There was talk in Congress about conquering Canada and making it into a giant theme park, but the funding for such a military venture was used up in the purchase of $10,000 staplers for all government staff.
It’s too late now though, as Canada has bledded the first blood. In a cunning exploitation of their lack of an army, a division of killer geese was unleashed in the midwest. Here is the video. Parental caution is advised. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsfKHwg3Zuk
Shocking. The carnage in this video is truly appalling. How could this happen? Not since the War of 1812 has America felt such a devastating attack.
A breaking update! An American spy named Jack Bauer has infiltrated the Anatidae headquarters and the government has released the following informational videos.
They train them young. Don’t let the whimsical oboe fool you! This is how killers are made. The rooster crow at the end is their battle cry. Part of their main attack plan is to wake up at sunrise, which at that time the American military has not had their Starbucks yet and is therefore ineffective.
As the fowls get older, they form lethal attack pairs. Note the use of cute dogs as training targets. Your baby will be next.
The elite squadron are toughened up in a furious battle royale. Ducks Amuck. Canada has even built a mechanical mecha-goose. If Canada reworks their lone factory to production of these, the American military risks being overwhelmed. See for yourself America.
All Americans must take part in national defense. The foul fowl’s foul play shall not stand. The government is taking immediate action, and the first act is a massive subsidy for faui gras. Show your patrioticness by getting a gun and shooting something, preferably a duck or goose. This is not an isolated attack. This is war. Also, all geese, duck, and swan residing in America must report to interment camps for their protection.
Get ready America, or this could be your house. For more information on what you can do in the War of Canadienne Agression, click here.
