It sucks that you are going through this cause of some assholes.
That being said - it wouldn’t hurt to maybe see a stylist or something. Plenty of people like Asians and actually think they are cool. Of course that doesn’t help a lot when you are getting your feelings hurt by inconsiderate jerks.
I’m going to agree with the others and say the only thing I can think of that is even close to “retarded” is the eyes. It doesn’t make Asians look the least bit retarded, but there is a slight resemblance in the eyes to Downs Syndrome.
It does appear that “double eyelid surgery” is the most common form of plastic surgery is South Korea:
I mention this as though it seems very superficial and drastic - and I don’t know anyone who has had it done - I do know women who have had boob jobs. They were/are very happy they’ve had it done. If you are extremely unhappy with your looks - it is always an option, but I’d try and get some new surroundings first.
There are plenty of places with POSITIVE stereotypes about Asians.
Oh and I like the suggestion of feigning ignorance about their dickish behavior until they have to embarrass themselves.
Going to have to remember to catalog everything I ever read, but:
Seems somebody with too much grant money sat people down, wired their heads, and instructed them to watch the screen.
The screen flashed pictures of faces of different ethnic groups, rather quickly, IIRC.
The results: when viewing a pic of someone of one’s own group, a portion of the brain used heavily in math was engaged - it was not engaged when viewing pics of other groups.
OR: The EEG explanation for the universal: “they all look the same” - your brain does not process all faces the same.
I hope this doesn’t sound to harsh but speaking broken English makes it very hard for some people to connect with you. I have no idea if this is true in your case. You write well enough.
I knew an Asian guy I work for at long time but we never talked outside of work type stuff. I always dreaded talking to him too because it was very hard trying to understand what he was saying with his very thick accent. I always had to ask him to repeat himself two or three times.
At one point, my boss wanted me to train him to work in my area. At the time, I was hating life. But eventually I got used to his accent and I found myself not having to ask “What?” every five seconds. Hell, we got so close that we would even hit the bar sometimes after work.
Cool guy, I’m sorry I didn’t make the effort to be his friend sooner.
Thank you guys. Its really helpful to me and I feel a lot better now. Hopefully I can deal with this situation because I cant change myself… Maybe I should accept “life is not fair”.
I am having this problem too in a way. I hear that Indians fall on the bottom of the dating rung so I am insecure about my Indian appearance because even though I don’t fit most of the stereotypes, they will still initially see my Indian appearance and even if a girl does end up liking me, her friends will probably tell her to stick with her own kind and I will probably get broken up with after a week.
Add to the mix that I am short. And my looks are at best, average. I know we already talked about how height is not the be all end all but it is still a clear disadvantage. I heard stories of girls saying, “Ewww. Him?” when being asked to date a short guy. I have heard so many stories about how much trouble short guys had with dating. I have seen it with my own eyes when some girl who decided to date a short guy at my school was getting laughed at hysterically by her friends for 15 minutes.
Hearing stories like this makes me so demoralized.
Whoever said this is retarded. Ignore anything they tell you about Asians and appearance. Maybe they’re a rocket scientist and you can trust what they say about that, but ignore anything they say about Asians and appearance.
To most Americans, Asians look intelligent, because most of the Asians who come to this country are smart as heck, and have smart kids, and most of those kids study hard, so in addition to being smart, they’re well-educated. I work with a lot of Asians, and I can’t think of any generalization about them other than that, well, they’re smart! Oh yeah, most are pretty hard-working, too. (Admittedly, that applies to just about everyone I work with. But if I had to generalize about Asians, I’d say they’re just a bit smarter and just a bit harder-working.)
Post a picture and people might be able to make specific suggestions that could improve your appearance.
Meanwhile, I bet you’re underestimating your looks. A lot of people do, especially people that talk like you do.
Regarding hiring, there are unfair biases. Tall people make more money. Good-looking people make more money. But those are averages, not limitations. Yeah, it’s a bit easier for tall, good-looking people, but among all those smart, capable people I work with, there are plenty of short ugly ones. What YOU do with YOUR opportunities matters way more than the averages.
Lead with your best foot forward. Concentrate on your strengths, shore up your weaknesses, and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t make it because of how you might look to them.
I’ve seen your picture. If you think your looks are average, you haven’t done a very careful study. If you mean you’re not a hot studmuffin, well, get in line, few of us are (and the few who are, most of them aren’t really that special looking. How they do it I don’t know!) Furthermore, if your looks are dead on the median, that means you’re as good as or better looking than HALF of the guys out there!
Be happy you’re not in the bottom 10% and move on.
Be happy you’re a guy and not a girl, because we guys can look like just about anything and have great chances. Some of the most successful ladies men that I knew in college were average-looking. They weren’t average personalities.
And be happy that life is not high school. While you’re there, you have to deal with the reality. It’s pitiful if guys are laughing at a girl for dating a short guy. Most likely, they’re just envious: stupid guys do stupid things when they’re envious, so don’t read too much into what they do or say.
Here’s another tip. Guys and gals, please tell us if I’m right or wrong here! Most people look back on high school and can pick out several classmates and think “Sheesh: why didn’t I notice him or her, back then! What a missed opportunity!”
Look for that missed opportunity, and be the smart guy in the school rather than falling in with the rest of the dummies.
Actually, I am not *too *too worried about my looks because they are bound to change and I don’t think I look that bad. I was just trying to say that it’s not like my looks compensate for my shortness or being Indian either.
And actually being Indian might even be an even larger insecurity for me. I know it sounds as if I am saying being Indian is a bad thing, but when it comes to dating, it really can be. I always hear about how Indian men can’t get white women and how Indian men fall on the bottom of the dating rung…which is even more demoralizing because I am already at a clear disadvantage by being short. I mean if I at least wasn’t a minority race, more importantly a race that is detrimental to dating in America, my position on the dating ladder would still be okay, still not great, but okay. But it’s not even okay!
I keep feeling like I am going to get rejected 50 times before one girl even says yes, and even when she does, I won’t make it past the first week because her friends will tell her to not date an Indian guy.
It doesn’t mean I am not trying. Surprisingly, despite all this demoralization from God, I am still talking to girls everywhere I can. If I see a girl that interests or appeals to me, I am talking to her, and I am already starting to feel less nervous talking to girls. The thing I still need to work on is having stuff to talk about. I still have a problem with that even after not being that nervous. Actually, I have this problem with everyone I don’t know well, even guys. I just don’t know what to talk about. But we’re working on it.
I am just saying though, on the inside I am still depressed after how much I hear about girls (and I mean not just high school girls, even college) saying “Ewww!” when they are asked to date a short guy and how Indian guys can never get white girls.
So I definitely still am not comfortable in my skin and hate myself, but regardless, I am still trying because that way I at least have a 2% chance.
Life is not fair and never will be. Accept it and play to your strengths. It’s all you can do. No amount of whining is going to make you white and beautiful, so don’t try to get with people who only value that. There are plenty of women who aren’t shallow racist pricks – find them and spend time with them. If white girls don’t like you, find brown girls, black girls, yellow girls, or just move to a more diverse area where people are too busy competing on other fronts to obsess like that about race. Sexual attraction is always subject to competition, so if you can’t win on one front, you have to play the game differently.
Some women don’t like short Indians. Some men don’t like tall blacks. Fine. Some do, or at least don’t care much about that. Move on and look for them.
You know what a woman won’t like in you. Fine, no one’s perfect. But do you know what they SHOULD like in you? If all they see is “here’s this short Indian guy with average looks” because that’s the extent of your self-image… and that’s it, that’s your whole story, why SHOULD they be interested in you? They’re women, and they’ve been plagued by inadequate suitors their entire lives. I guarantee you’re not the only short guy they’ve come across. For some that height is going to be a dealbreaker. For others, it’s not. Your job is to find that 2% of women (probably more like 10-15%, IMHO) who ARE okay with short Indians – and then somehow set yourself apart from all the other short Indians in the world, and all the other uninteresting inadequate suitors they’ve had in the past. Nobody is going to be attracted to you simply because you’re a short Indian, but there are women out there who won’t care about that if you have other qualities that turn them on.
If you know what those qualities are, use them. If you don’t, it’s time to discover or develop them, your short Indian-ness be damned.
If it’s any consolation Anonymous User****, the lead singer of Young the Giant, Sameer Gadhia, is of Indian descent and I, a white female, and presumably plenty of other women of varying ethnic backgrounds, find him attractive, so there is not a universal prejudice against Indian guys. On a more personal level, a friend of a friend who is white and Jewish is marrying a man from India in April.
Do you think the lack of people of Indian descent in pop culture may contribute to the idea that Indian men are not attractive? Off the top of my head I can only think of Sameer Gadhia (who may not actually be that famous outside indie rock circles), Mindy Kaling and Anziz Ansari.