Too late. I be the bosun/boatswain. Now get yer ass up in th’ riggin.’
TweeeeeeeeeeeAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!
'ere ya go, Arisu… One apple. Hrm… Interresting tattoo(s). Got stories behind 'em?
Iarr harrve some inforrrrmation on whahrr we might be finding some gold, Captain.
Wharrrrt say ye?
Arrrrlso, Iarr think Iarrr may harrrve invented waterrrrr skiing. Carrrrre to try?
Avast mateys. Yer need a sail maker and a cooper. Having no barrel-making skills, I humbly request permission to sign on as sail maker. I’ll stitch me fingers to the bone fer ya. And after the hurricane hits off Santo Domingo, ye’ll be glad ya took me on.
PLUS in my sea chest I have a map marked with a red X where my previous captain (who met an untimely end) buried his treasure. You could possibly get the name of the island from me by a little persuasion…or rum…or both.
Would it be ok if someone signed on as a harpooner? I know this isn’t a whaling vessel, but a harpooner would be so cool.
As bartender, I strive to keep me patrons entertained and happy. Thusly, I writ a few haikus for ye:
Proud, the Ted, surges
Through seas both fast and high…Damn!
The cat puked again!
T’is all in fun when
When we rob and pillage ships.
For us, at least, t’is.
A fine crew on the Ted we have
They are strong and brave and true.
But one of ‘em stole me musket balls
And this ain’t no stinkin’ haiku!
By the way, I want me musket balls back!
We sail on the pirate ship Ted
And all of us are living dead
We can’t taste our apples
Or refill our Snapple
'Til Bootstrap’s young boy is bled
The pirate lass known now as Tikki
Reminded me of Darling Nikki
A song sung by Prince
Who’s been silent since
His microphone ended up sticky
:dubious: ARrr!!
Can I be a Captive Pirate Princess?
My father was the greatest pirate ever known–the Magnificant Pirate (insert name here).
My mother was the humble but beautiful serving maid of the governor’s daughter.
They met when my father took the governor’s daughter hostage. My mother fought valiently for the life (and honor) of her lady, and impressed my father with her loyalty, her spirit and her body. In turn, my mother was smitten by my father’s own code (more of a guideline, really) and his skill as a swordsman. My mother convinced my father to release the governor’s daughter (who was a bit of a wet blanket really, sobbing and carrying on and all), but she stayed to sail the seas with my father.
I was raised on a pirate’s treasure island, with diamonds and pearls as my toys and parrots and cabin boys as my playmates (or maybe the cabin boys were my toys, everyone needs a hobby). I’ve grown into a woman to match my mother’s beauty (with cleavage to die for) and my father’s love of adventure. I also handle a sword rather well.
You, Captain Ferry, are a rival of my father, and took me prisoner planning to kill me to cause him grief. However, there are those of your crew who are taken by my spirit (and cleavage) and recognize me as the Pirate Princess, heir to the treasures of the Magnificant Pirate (insert name here) and they have convinced you to allow me to live–it being against the Code to kill a Pirate Princess and all.
Meanwhile, we exchange witty and heated words, after which I turn, toss my long, curly radiant locks and storm away (yeah, yeah, with heaving bosom and flashing eyes)–with the eyes of the crew (well, all the crew that likes girls) following me with admiration and desire. Particularly the eyes of . . .
Come on–the Captive Pirate Princess always gets a love interest–which one of you wants to come up sometime, and see me? 
Hmmm… The Notorious Pirate Insert…
Me likes that name.
…I did?
Arr, welcome aboard, all. Now I suggest ye get to yer jobs 'fore First Mate NoClue here breaks out the water spritzer to move ye along.
Or was that fer the cat?
ARrrr!!!
My schoolmaster thought I had an Oedipus complex. Turns out 'e juss cou’n’t understand me Cockney accent and I was juss tell’n 'im that I 'ated cats.
'atey puss!
And there ye go…
Yarr. I saw the good ship Ted was fast sinkin’ off the first page, so I manned the bilge pumps to keep 'er afloat. Yarr.
Well done, Boatswain Dewey, well done.
First Mate NoClue, find TAaN arisu ftSP and set course for this gold ye be knowin’ of. And what be this 'waterrr skiing ye speak of?
Mastema, how goes the barrrnacle scrapin’?
as_u_wish, how come the back up sails? Be they ready in time for our berth? See to our journey’s length and sew accordingly.
ArrrMatey, have we enough apples? And who’s checkin’ after the rum?
Is our zombie pirate robot ninja monkey aboard yet?
I thought ye had 'im.
No, ye had 'im tucked away in yer sig locker, remember?
Ah, here he be.
He needs a name. I’m thinkin’ Mr. Poopypants.
Yarr…no. Shall we call him Jack, out of respect for the great Captain Jack Sparrow?
Yes, you did. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Anything you hear about a spinster lady schoolteacher who disappeared in the middle of teaching a group of 15 year old girls world history is a lie. A lie, I tell you, a dirty lie!
And where is that love interest?<stamps foot and glares>
<calming down and tossing haor>I believe I’ll sing as the crew prepares to set sail:
*What do you do with a drunken sailor,
What do you do with a drunken sailor,
What do you do with a drunken sailor
Er’lie in the morning?
Put him in bed with a Pirate Princess,
Put him in bed with a Pirate Princess,
Put him in bed with a Pirate Princess,
Er’lie in the morning.
What do you do with Captain Sparrow,
(Not the one that’s a ninja monkey),
What do you do with Captain Sparrow
Er’lie in the morning?
Put him in bed with a Pirate Princess,
Put him in bed with a Pirate Princess,
Put him in bed with a Pirate Princess,
Er’lie in the morning.*
Any volunteers for the third verse?
I’m tossing my hair by the way, but if you tell me what my haor is, I may well toss that too.