Arr, I be down in the magazine, checking on the heavy shot for the thirty-eights. (Steal THAT, monkey, if you can!) And I’ve been starting me research on just what a “long nine” cannon is.
(“Long” cannon use a light weight cannonball, and have an extended range over the normal guns. Presumedly the long cannon use an extra-long barrel.)
Tikki, this one’s for you.
Pour, oh pour, the pirate sherry,
Fill, oh fill, the pirate glass.
And to make us more than merry,
Let the pirate bumper pass!
Now who be our pilot, ah, pirate apprentice? We’ve already got Liser-go-Blind as our sort of piratical maid of all work.
"*The mate was fixed by the bosun’s pike
The bosun brained with a marlinspike
And Cookey’s throad was marked belike
It had been gripped by fingers ten;
And there they lay, all good dead men
Like break o’day in a boozing ken
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
Fifteen men of the whole ship’s list
Yo ho ho and an bottle of rum!
Dead and be damned and the rest gone whist!
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
The skipper lay with his nob in gore
Where the scullion’s axe his cheek had shore
And the scullion he was stabbed times four…*"
a rather solid thump is hear down below decks and all goes quiet. Cursing the likes of which would make a Singapore sailor blush are heard and Robert cofershis(her ears)
What be this?! I says. A blasted wooden rock has floated to me own private beach! Shiver me timbers whars me pants? I’ve got splinters and barnacle cuts al o’er me! Can’t swim in me own back yard with out being discoverin’ o trespassers!
I backs up a ways and through me drunken hase I sees as menacing a vessle as I’ve had the fortune to sees on these seas in some time, mind you nearly as fierce and sleek as me prior skipper’s, the mighty Edward Teach, or Ed as we’s had a mind to call him.
Ahoy! Theres such a thing as common curtesy and yaz haven’t extended any! I takes it in the form of Rum, gold, silver or other booty, especially booty! Or mebbee perhaps an invitation to board this fine ship! I’ve talents and gold teeth to offer.
Some of the teeth I still be usin’ so’s I’ll be needen them back to use off and on. Fer apples and such.
Oh, and this here fella 'twas here before, I calls him the professor, made some fine rum and I’s got it stashed in barrels in a secret spot to which I has a map. The map has a RED X on it just so’s you know it’s real.
I be sorry thar skipper, me noggin’s been bakin in the sun whilst picklin in rum. An a hearty thanky, this bit o’ sand has been gettin a wee bit boring.
I’m not to shabby at gettin fish an’ I can dead reckon me arse off, so you see I makes a good pilot.
Jamaica! I see heres the vessle fer me laddie! Land o’rum that’s finest o the seven seas, coffee so’s a man can wake in the morn’n and that smoke to help clear the cobwebs from the rum. And brown skinned lasses to cure everything else.
The proffessor’s no longer here Master NCB. Ya see this here Gilligan fellow got a wee bit mad from the sun and mistook the smart man fer a dugout canoe and through him into the sea. Everything was looking like the lad might make it offshore for a while but alas it weren’t to be. There was much thrashing about and, well I’m sorry to say only the G man made it back to shore, alive that is. The large man they calls skipper then fought the sharks for what’s left and not wanting to waist anything he through the rum maker on the signal fire.
He burnt i might bit bright, me thinks the rum could be the fuel that was in him whot did it.
Afore we’s a weighin anchor me thinks a few trips ashore to get me rum and see if we may spy a chance at MaryAnn. She could be a nice addition to our hold(er, yer hold sirs, not wanting to be layin a claim to the bounty too soo mind ya)
I wanna see you lubbers raise sail in unison w’out the work chants.
: sulks in the corner :
[sub]I want to sing and dance, I want to sing and dance,
I want to be a pirate in the Pirates of Penzance
Wear me silver buckled slippers and tight shiny pants
I want to sing and dance![/sub]
