Envelope: What does Rosanne Barr’s husband say every night before sex
Carnac: Over the river, and through the woods
Envelope: Where are you going with that Geritol?
Carnac: Her Windsong stays on my mind.
Envelope: I wonder why I never called that flatulent girl back for a second date?
(Still waiting for an envelope on my last posting.)
Carnac: Extreme makeover
Envelope: What the heck happened to Farrah Fawcett’s face?
Carnac: Four score and seven years.
Envelope: What was the Cincinnati Bengals’ recent offensive production?
Carnac: Sandpaper.
Envelope: What should you do if you want really, really smooth paper?
Carnac: At an undisclosed location
Envelope: Where can one find an undisclosed?
Carnac: Carpet burns.
Envelope: What do you get if you rub your cat against an automobile?
Carnac: Where angels fear to tread
Envelope: What did the wigmaker do when George the elderly comedian asked for a toupee?
Carnac: Letterman, Leno, and O’Brian.
Envelope: Weapons of mass destruction??! Who gives Dubya his intelligence briefings?
(ChordedZither’s envelope: How would you describe Marilyn Manson’s dressing room?)
Carnac: They’re both small enough to flush down a toilet.
Envelope: How is the pardon rate in Texas prisons like Dubya’s political success?
Carnac: John Lennon, John F Kennedy and John Kerry
Envelope: Three Johns that George Bush does not want to see in a White House bathroom.
May your bed be infested by a thousand sand fleas.
Carnac: 3000 miles from Graceland.
Envelope: Men whose wives end up with all the money.
Carnac: That which doesn’t kill me, can only make me stronger.
Carnac: 3000 miles from Graceland.
Envelope: Where would Elvis like Michael Jackson to stay?
Carnac: That which doesn’t kill me, can only make me stronger.
Envelope: What were his last words?
Carnac: Four on the floor.
Envelope: What is Paris Hilton’s preferred position?
SilencePause***
May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister.
Carnac: Emeril, Charlize Theron & Heidi Fliess...Envelope: Name a cooker, a looker and a hooker.
Carnac: To get to the other side.
Why did the restaurant customer stop eating his cole slaw?
Carnac: Hit me with your best shot.
Envelope: What are the last words shouted by Daffy Duck as he flew past a sniper school on a hunting field trip.
Carnac: Without a doubt.
Envelope: What did Anna Nichole Smith answer under oath when asked if she was a gold digger?
Carnac: Fifth Wheel.
Envelope: What’s a Lazy Susan for liquor?
Carnac: A Renaissance Man