Envelope: Why sin is not only about the things you actually do.
Carnac: Disconnect power before servicing.
Envelope: What the tag on Anna Nicole Smith’s, er, personal massage device reads.
Carnac: For external use only.
Envelope: What the tag on Anna Nicole Smith’s, er, personal massage device *doesn’t * read.
Carnac: Easier said than done.
Envelope: What follows “I have to take that ring where?”
Carnac: George Bush, George W. Bush, and J. Fred Muggs.
Envelope: Dumb and dumberer and dumberest.
Carnac: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.
Envelope: What is J. Lo. going to do now, after Gigli?
Carnac: Peas in a pod.
Envelope: What does an astronaut in the space station do?
(Carnac often get silence.)
Carnac: Twenty-four and seven.
Envelope: What are the IQs of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, respectively?
–
Carnac: 100% Pure Beef
Aside to Interrobang!?: “A wimp, a simp, and a chimp” was too obvoius? 
Envelope: Describe Evan Marriott in seven syllables.
Carnac: Halfway between LA and Vegas.
Envelope: How far did Brittney Spears’ mom’s scream travel?
Carnac: The Odd Couple
Envelope: What did the train crew use to hitch car 5 to car 7?
Carnac: The Green, Green Hills of Home
Envelope: How does Paris Hilton refer to all those stacks of her daddy’s cash?
Carnac: USC, BYU, UCLA
How do you spell Uscbyuucla
Carnac: The Mona Lisa
Envelope: Name the sister of Mona Bart and Mona Maggie.
Carnac: Ham and Swiss on Rye
What kind of sandwich would a cannibal make if he caught and cooked a bad actor and a tourist from Zurich?
Envelope: Some Enchanted Evening
Envelope: When will Frodo get laid?
May a diseased yak date your sister!
Carnac: If you build it, they will come.
Envelope: What did the porn-megaplex developer hear?
–
[I was going to mention that we really needed some Carnac insults in here as well!]
May a bulimic monkey fall in love with your head.
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Carnac: I don’t know, I was really drunk at the time.
Envelope: Mr. Selig, how’d you come up with Major League Baseball’s current drug testing program?
Carncac: Less filling, tastes great.
Envelope: What was Monica Lewinsky’s testimony on her new job as Dubya’s PA?
Carnac: Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more.
Envelope: What was Howard Dean’s Campaign slogan?
May you get everything you ever wished for, lodged in your wind pipe.
Carnac: Wilson, Gov. Grey Davis, 1st Lt. George W. Bush