What about a man you’re already friends with? Do you think you could say ‘I don’t want a romantic relationship with you. I don’t want to damage or lose our friendship. But I want you to giggity my geshmoigen.’ ?
That way, you get your sexual needs met by a man you know is safe and who genuinely cares about you.
OR
You could have a Dopefest. You meet fascinating, highly intelligent people and then have an orgy in somebody’s hotel room.
I am a quintessential FagHag/FruitFly. All of my male friends are either A) Gay or B) already married (although one did tell me he was in an open marriage and invited me to play with him and his wife).
Although I do have a handful of single, male friends who live elsewhere who aren’t gay.
To my credit, two of my GayBoys (as I entitle my rather extensive “harem”) have offered me Cole Porter Marriages, should I wish to enter into such an arrangement.
Well, ask yourself WWMGFD–what would my gay friends do? If they were horny, they’d go pick up a cute guy and have sex with him. And maybe that guy would turn out to be nice, and you’d develop a relationship with him. So stop acting like such a girl. I’m reminded of how Dan Savage likes to brag that he met his husband in the bathroom of a gay nightclub.
And what’s wrong with young guys who want to score with older women?
Nothing, I say. The management of the Golden Years Rest Home disagrees with me.
Nothing if it is just that; a score. My last relationship was with a guy ten years my junior. But he ended up preferring his bottle of Scotch and Panamanian prostitutes to me…
I give the young ones a lot of credit for trying, but when it comes to being in a relationship, there hasn’t been enough of a cultural reference for me to make it work. I hated having to explain the concept of punk music and Big Hair Bands of the '80s to a guy who was barely out of adolescence when I was rocking to the Sex Pistols and Dead Kennedys.
Damn! I have to get to a dopefest! 
52 year old male here.
I can sympathize. I’m in a dry spell myself right now. (almost 3 years.) Sometimes I think there’s somebody out there for me and sometimes I think it’s not a mistake or a co-incidence that I live alone.
I forgot to give the requested information
I’m male and thirty five.
Nah. Trust me - orgies are WAY over-rated. Just imagine the smell of that many people secreting bodily fluids… :eek::eek::eek:
“I love the smell of bodily secretions in the morning. Smells like victory!”
I go back and forth on this issue continually.
I’m 28/F. I have a negative view of men (as a group–I know there are good individuals). I always go back and forth between getting on my high horse and staying away from them altogether, and FWB-type situations (along with occasional bouts of real relationships). My problem is that, while I desire a good relationship in some ways, in some dysfunctional, subconscious way, something prevents me from doing that. I recently met and briefly dated a really great guy who, in theory, was everything I wanted. But I just couldn’t bring myself to keep seeing him, because…I don’t know.
But I’m still jealous of my sister and her marriage, because my brother-in-law is such a good guy and I like him so much, and I SO wish I could want to be with someone like him. They always want to hook me up with his friends, but, no.
So, none of the options (FWB, celibacy, or relationship) quite work for me. I cycle between them like some weirdo, and I see no end in sight. Clearly, I have no good advice to give you about this, so I apologize. But I thought I’d just let you know that I can relate!
Thanks, Blackberry. A lot of my friends are your age and it strikes me that “your generation” (if you will excuse the colloquialism), seems to not value relationships as highly. Meaning, I know a lot of people who are in FWB situations and in some sense, I believe it devalues the meaning of sex when it becomes so commonplace. Of course, the whole porn industry does that as well (read the multiple Porn discussion threads that have popped up lately).
Part of the reason I asked for people’s ages and genders is exactly to depict this; I admittedly gave myself away rather freely when I was your age and, consequently, am now at an age where I find myself without a life partner. Had I stood my ground and “held out” back then, I might be married with children or whatnot.
Don’t get me wrong - I do not regret any of my decisions, but I do see how I could have done things differently for a different outcome. This is why I am in this conundrum now; do I take a stance with the morals of random sex when the prospects of a partner don’t even exist? It isn’t like I am dating and don’t see prospective men as partners. I am not dating AT ALL and have no prospects as such. My last date was last October and we met at 6:00 and I was home by 8:30.
Sorry for the rant - I just want to give you some perspective and guidance that FWB at an early age can be a detriment if what you want is a husband and children (I wanted the husband, just never the kids).
37, male.
Maybe a little bit of an indirect response here, but you might like it. I’ve started seeing somebody I like- smart, kind, sexy, good woman. So now, it is moving into a sort of relationship instead of collapsing like a fling would fall apart by this point.
I was just hanging out with my buddy. My buddy is actually an ex girlfriend from like, 5 or 6 years ago. We dated/screwed for a few months, then I dropped it. We’ve been pals ever since, hang out a couple times a month at least. She’s more than a decade older than I am. All she does is conjure the dark side of dating- ‘you’re gonna get her pregnant! You’re gonna end up married! You’ll be stuck and you’ll never have fun again!! At least, no adult fun, only that aggravating kid fun. And you’ll be broke too. Good luck and nice knowin’ ya!’ She has lots of gay friends btw, no kids, never married.
Maybe you can get into something like this. Fling some younger guy, then be pals and jealously intrude on their relationships, wishing for them to collapse. A sort of ‘3rd way’, see? Friends without benefits, after first screwing for a month or two. It’s more fun than I’m making it sound. It sounds like lonely is a bigger problem for you than horny.
It’s your methods. Online, you have to sift through thousands of idiots and you are competing with thousands of women just like you.
Grab a girlfriend and go out. Scout out places where men your type hang out. Don’t stick to bars or nightclubs, there’s a lot more options out there. I knew a woman who aimed at a health club for wealthy men. Try to find hangouts for the over-40 crowd. Also, note that different types of bars/nightclubs/businesses cater to different ages.
Originally posted by Lemur866
Wait, so having sex with people you love “uses them and degrades them?” That’s kind of an odd attitude.
If people are on the same page, having sex doesn’t use or degrade anyone. Why can’t people participate in a fun, recreational activity that we are biologically driven to pursue and perform without it having this aura of “degrading” attached to it? I guess if you think sex is dirty and evil, but those are values people give to sex. It’s all in how you approach it. It’s fun, it’s natural. Why stigmatize it? If someone wants to have sex, yay! If they don’t, yay! It’s a person’s choice, but it’s only degrading if you choose it to be. I think the OP needs to focus on what she wants in a relationship and making sure that her partner is on the same page. There are lots of possibilities out there. Confidence, self-assuredness: those are strong selling points in any relationship. It’s your life, live it how you want. You’re the only one who’s got to live it.
Knowing what about her? That she had had SEX within the last few years? 
Does that hold true for HIM as well? Or it is just a standard that applies to HER?
I guess I don’t get that. Or maybe I misunderstood (I have only read the OP’s post, not the whole thread).
I actually feel rather qualified to comment (yay me! :D) since I happen to be a 44 yr old widow who has been celibate for the past 2 yrs and (pardon me while I do the math…I don’t count the days anymore…again, yay me) 4 months, going on 5. So damn near 3 yrs. (God, is that depressing or what? :()
UM, drive one crazy? Hells YES! :smack: I have not yet dated but am I ready for some sex and/or adult male companionship? YES!
I’m pretty attractive/fit/personable, I think, by most standards (I’ve never lacked for attention/come ons, even now) but like you, OP, I seek more than a one night stand. I totally get that.
I’m just not into playing games, ya know? If I meet someone and we hit it off and either have sex or not, cool. I’m not looking for a (nother) husband or a daddy for the kids or a anything besides a real, honest relationship.
If me being or not being celibate is a deal breaker, that says to me that the guy is not worthy of my time. The fact that I have not had sex in 2-3 yrs should not be the deciding factor, imo. I would never even THINK to include that little fact in any on-line dating profile or 1st date even.
At this point, I am focusing on being content with ME, and I could really give a shit about what any potential sex/relationship partners think. IF I end up having a one night stand, so what? If I DON’T, so what? None of their business, imo.
Oh, thanks. I was wondering if anybody was going to comment on that.
So everything you said with a “Hey, degrading sex can be FUN!” thrown in.
I think as long as you’re not spreading disease your sex life is nobody else’s business. I can’t stand guys who want to know every detail (well, maybe not every sexy detail, but the whos, whens, etc.) of my previous sex life and then they get all shocked and offended when I’m like “What? No, that isn’t any of your business.” Their “need to know” ends with my safety habits and disease status.
Sorry, I’m 27 and female.
Humor. It is a…difficult concept.
If you make poor choices in men, you might want to spend some time examining yourself. I was you 20 years ago. I spent 9 years alone by choice. I learned to be comfortable and happy in my own company. I became a whole person, who didn’t need another to complete me.
I came to a point that I could be a partner to someone who needed that. I’ve been with my husband now for 15 years, we still say, and mean “I love you” every day.
It was a joke.
Wait, you’re a redhead and look like Christina Hendricks?
How YOU doin’?