I’ve been divorced for two years now. I’m a 56 y.o. female, have a good job and a full life. I haven’t put a huge amount of effort into online dating but every few months, I dip a toe in for a few weeks. Each time, I’ve gotten so disgusted with the results that I take down my profiles and vow never to do it again.
A few months ago, the problem was a couple of super-needy, newly-single men who wanted to latch on to me like leeches. Sent them down the road. This time, I’ve met two men, both who say they really, really want long-term relationships but who have suggested that we be, essentially, friends with benefits. That is, they like me a lot and want to see me but want to keep their options open, in both cases, in hopes of meeting someone who lives closer to them (I’m about a 45-minute drive away and am willing to share in the traveling). As I see it, they basically want to have sex with me while they’re still shopping.
I have told both of them to take their sorry-assed carcasses on down the road. They were both astonished that I didn’t think FWB was a great idea.
I am becoming more and more convinced that there are no decent, trustworthy, emotionally healthy single men left in the world. :(
Sorry, not to be too flippant. I have heard that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. And I have no experience with online dating, but it does not surprise me that these are the kinds of results that predominate. Anyway, I wish you luck. It’s like the lottery, you can’t win if you don’t play.
Roddy
Yes! Exactly! I think that’s part of the reason I reacted so badly to it. C’mon, boys. We’re not adolescents here.
Yes, Kiz, I give them credit for being honest. I was just surprised that they couldn’t see that doing that was just using me. I think they thought they were so great in bed – and I didn’t have an opportunity to find out – that having sex with them would be a big benefit for me. Um, sorry, but no.
Please dont take this as criticism and of course I dont know your situation, but that (bolded) just seems a bit too available. Perhaps they took this as being needy.
If they’re upfront and honest, in what way are they “using” you? I mean, if they pretended to be interested in an exclusive relationship while sleeping around, sure, they’d be both deceiving and using you. But it seems that they told you what they wanted and you didn’t accept that. Fine, many people wouldn’t.
If you’re upfront and honest about what you want, what’s the problem?
What’s the alternative? Dating with intent to find a lifemate and marry?
At my age, that’s not likely to happen. But I’d still like to date, and maybe get lucky now and then.
Huh? Needy and too available? Simply because she was willing to share in the travel responsibilities in dating someone almost an hour away? Or was it just because she’s willing to date someone that far away at all? Because if it’s the former, I don’t see how assuming some of the driving needs once you’ve decided to date someone that far away is in any way “needy” or “too available”. It seems courteous and thoughtful.
Well, yeah. I mean, what’s the fundamental problem with casual sex, as long as both parties know what’s going on?
Of course, OP is not interested in casual sex, and that’s fine - not everyone is. But I, for one, wouldn’t get too upset about the fact that other people are.
@ Ambivalid, Yes of course its thoughtful and courteous, but could be construed as being “overly available” in a dating situation. In the same way as “the man picks up the woman”, not the other way 'round, traditionally. And Im assuming most of these guys are from the “Traditional” Era. Its more like a Booty Call the other way.
Really? I think just the opposite. Before I found my girlfriend (online dating, first date for each of us, it does happen) I had several FWBs. With maturity came the ability to take care of our needs and enjoy each other’s company without baggage or emotional commitment. That never happened when I was younger.
Agree that most people are interested in sex, I don’t agree that people who don’t have casual sex are uptight. Many folks simply don’t want sex outside of a committed relationship.
I’m in a FWB situation. It’s mostly because she has her life and I have mine. Her kid is grown but still at home along with her kids boyfriend. That’s not for me.
It’s more like perpetual dating. And I feel it keeps things romantic. When we see each other it’s special. A break from the everyday.
I know I’m not easy to live with. I like my alone time. I can sit alone reading or what not and be fine. I get easily annoyed with people talking just to talk. And it has ruined more relationships than I can count. I’m very lucky to have someone on the same page as me.
