I am learning that I quite simply do not know how to date! I don’t think a guy has ever bought me dinner - it has always been dutch.
I envy you a bit - I’m ashamed to say that I have put on a few pounds this last year because I have been going to restaurants alone. Far too much, to be frank. But being self-employed, I also do that to escape the solitude of my apartment (which is always clean).
I have thought about moving, truthfully. But it would involve giving up one of my freelance writing gigs since it is hard to write about the California wine industry when one is living outside the state. I would move to the U.K. in a heartbeat though and give up that part of my life…
Seriously - moot point. I removed all my profiles from the dating sites and will wait for something to occur “naturally.” No internet dating for me and no trawling the internet for anonymous sex partners. I will be remaining chaste for the time being – until a REAL potential relationship presents itself.
Why would you give up such a useful tool? I know a large number of people who are in really happy relationships thanks to online dating. It seems silly to leave something as important as companionship to raw chance when there are tools out there specifically designed to make the odds better.
This 47-year-old male, as of next week, will have been celibate for 24 years. No real prospects of that ending anytime soon, which doesn’t particularly bother me.
31-year-old male, married (and polyamorous, mentioned because it almost certainly skews my perspective.): I don’t see anything I’d object to in the OPs behaviors. Sex is nice and all, but it can be had anywhere (isn’t that what craigslist is for?) and it’s really orthogonal to whatever the relationship dynamic is. Granted a lot of guys these days will likely be weirded out if you’re wanting to be celibate for months or years even in a steady relationship, but then again a lot of guys won’t be weirded out either. “Do what works for you” has consistently been the single best dating strategy for me (when I followed anyone’s tips on how to change myself to get more dates, I ended up dating people I didn’t particularly like and who didn’t particularly like the real me) and I don’t think you can do any better with anything else.
And on two personal notes:
I agree with the going sentiment–based on your postings in this thread, Fried Dough Ho, you’d definitely be worth a date or several (Among other things, I am a huge 80s punk/hair rock fan) if I weren’t closer to the east coast than the west (and there’s the small matter that I dislike 95% of wines I try. :P)
Where the heck ARE these Dopefest Orgies, DocCathode, and how can I get an invite?
Is it? How so? I mean, you have to stop and think about how major decisions you make affect someone else, but that’s equally true for any serious non-marriage relationship. And if your spouse is being an obstacle to pursuing what you want in life rather than a booster, the problem is not that you’re married, but rather that you chose your spouse poorly.
Well, if you approach it with that sort of attitude, it absolutely will be. Marriage is a lot like a stint in the Peace Corps–it can be a miserable period of purgatory where you’re robbed of control over your life and nothing’s run to suit you, or it can be an amazing adventure full of people and places and things you wouldn’t otherwise have run across, and the major difference between the two is between your ears. Do you remember the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes, and how they found treasure and excitement and adventures everywhere, even though they were just piddling around the meadow behind the house? It’s kind of like that.
As one of the few people in my circle of friends to be both married and have the intent to have children (the first of whom will become un-theoretical in December :D), I want to applaud this. even sven isn’t saying anything atypical for our (her and my) collective generation to be thinking, after all, and I’m not sure where it comes from.
While marriage(love?) is perhaps best defined as putting the happiness of someone else ahead of your own, there’s no reason that reprioritization cannot also be of benefit to you, provided your partner also feels and acts the same way. In the ideal case, one gains far more than one loses.
For me it has not been a useful tool. I have spent way too many hours filtering out the Cougar-hunting boys and getting scammed. I understand it is supposed to make the odds better and perhaps my experiences are an anomaly.
I may have said as much up-thread, but in 2 1/2 years I have only had six or eight actual meetings from online dating and each one of those only produced single date scenarios. As opposed to interesting conversations, those “gentlemen” who expressed an interest in seeing me again were admittedly more enamored with my Burlesque Queen attributes than carrying on an intellectual conversation with me.
Find the right guy. They’re out there. One who wants a committed, communicative and affectionate relationship. And not just FWB.
One of them is writing this very post, is single and wondering where “the right woman” is. Obviously, they’re all taking vows of celibacy. I knew it wasn’t me!
I don’t even want to think abpout sex until marriage, but when you tell that to a woman she usually pegs you as a weirdo and buh-bye.
Don’t get me wrong, I love sex. I spent most of my younger days trying (and succeeding :D) in trying to get it. But at my age I feel that there are more important things: love, honor, caring, respect. Sex that comes before these things is backwards, for me.
Yeah, maybe. But I have some standards I suppose. I go to church, I love costumes, I am a damn good chef (usually means I love to do the cooking), I like a clean house (usually means i do all the cleaning, which I love), I am not overweight.
Those might be considered good points.
On the other hand I live in Cleveland and I do not really like any online stuff. I want to meet people. That seems to be the minority.
I am also a damn good chef (went to cooking school, work on recipe development, ghost-wrote a few cookbooks), also like a clean house (being self-employed, I can’t stand to be amongst clutter), am a few pounds overweight (the side effects of being a food-and-wine writer), and don’t go to church (probably the clincher right there).
Damn! You are tough! 