Challenging Stereotypes - mainly my own (long, sorry)

In My Humble Opinion
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Preface: I would like to start by describing my body and how I feel about it: I have been considered very attractive in the past, though never particularly slim. I always had a rather enhanced arse/ thighs, small waist, broad shoulders, toned arms and hardly any fat from the waist up. (People used to ask me if I was a swimmer).
Oh, I’ m a woman.
In the last 2-3 years, mainly because of depression and the consequent inertia plus developing bad eating habits, I have put on some weight and am now what you would call rather chubby. Backside even bigger than it used to be, waist no longer goes inwards, fat underarms, fat on back etc etc.
A painful breakup some years ago, combined with my permanent low-level depression and recent deterioration in appearance have made it so I have not had the inclination to go out there and get myself a mate. I just can’t be bothered and frankly, I feel unattractive.

Easing in to the main story: I believed I had rid myself of attractiveness stereotypes due to the fact that in the past I had a love affair with a quite fat person (I think you could probably call him obese). Basically, he was (and is) my friend, and we used to have sex. So FWB, if you will.

Present time: a guy started work at the same place I do, and there has been an almost instant attraction. Problem is, my stereotypes are once being challenged but this time in the opposite direction. You see, he is very very slim, I would say thin, stick-like even. I don’t think he has any body fat at all.
And I am the “large” one.

In a way, this is more unconventional than the previous situation I described because I think it is more “socially acceptable” :rolleyes: for the man to be larger than the woman rather than the other way round. However, I find myself attracted to him.

I would really like this to work (you know, this thing that hasn’t even happened yet :D:rolleyes: ) because he seems like a nice guy and I would love to get out of this emotional … dunno, bleakness.

For anyone still reading: I would love to hear tales of unconventional / "mismatched "couples (appearance-wise), words of wisdom, encouragement or logic.

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If you are attracted to him, then run with it. What’s the need for all the additional Sturm und Drang?

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When I first met my husband, I was bigger than he was. In fact, I think I even started a thread about it on here (link). Now he’s bigger, but we’re still really close to the same size.

It bothered me more than it bothered him, and my guess is that since he’s unusually small for a male, he was used to being smaller than a lot of women. I, as a woman with a fairly normal height and weight, was not at all used to being bigger than my man and it made me feel decidedly unfeminine.

While I’d love to reassure you, in all honesty, my uneasiness didn’t go away until I lost weight and he gained weight, and I suspect that if he became smaller than me I would mentally struggle with it again.

I guess, sadly, the best piece of advice I can give you is that if something with this guy worked out, it might be that extra impetus you need to lose weight again.

ETA: Just read over that thread and realized that I didn’t actually lose weight, he just gained weight. So not sure what I said before is still accurate in light of that.

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Missed the edit window, so I just want to add: I find it interesting that when my boyfriend was smaller than me, my mind would immediately jump to thinking “I’m too big” rather than “he’s too small.” I mean, hell, when you think about it, a grown man who weighs 130 lbs. is really small. I think it goes to show how we’re often harder on ourselves than on the people we love. He certainly never thought I was too big, and I really don’t think anyone else thought I was too big, either.

In my experience, the people who like you as a person aren’t going to mind a little extra. Of course, there are people out there that are vain enough that they won’t even talk to a woman that’s even slightly overweight. But if your coworker is like that, then chances are he wouldn’t even be talking to you right now.

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Are you worried that he’ll reject you for being “too big”? Or maybe that he’ll reject you and you’ll tell yourself that it’s because you’re “too big”?

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Here’s a secret: many guys dig bigger women, and don’t think about stuff like women do. Guys think “attractive or not”. If you like each other, I can’t really conceive of ending it beforehand because you are “too big” or he is “too small” or “too normal”.

Feminists are trying to ban the word “too”, as in “too big”, “too large”, “too small”, “too tall”, “too short”, etc. http://www.nationalreview.com/article/426116/word-too-sexist-huffington-post-article

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Thanks for the replies so far, guys.

Wind, the thread you linked to had some useful posts and I think you have partly captured my mindset.

WF Tomba, no, I don’t think he will reject me - I feel the chemistry is mutual.

Dorjän, perhaps my OP didn’t convey it properly: despite me liking to think of myself as enlightened and all, I find that I am just as influenced as anybody by the stereotype of the man being larger and stronger than the woman. I don’t think he could lift me up to save his life! Both his legs would probably fit in one of my trouser legs. I wouldn’t be able to borrow one of his t-shirts to wear… that kind of thing.

Heh, as **WOMS **pointed out (albeit more politely), time to get off my big fat arse and do something about reducing it!

Oh - forgot to mention that he resigned after a month of working at my company so we are no longer coworkers.

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Some guys like bigger women

as one said there’s more cushion in the pushin’

or a woman without a belly is like a room without furniture

or skinny women bruise their hips

or they are afraid of hurting a little woman

or they like smacking a fat ass and watch it jiggle

or they think looking at/feeling bones is creepy

If he likes you and likes the way you look then who are you to question him? You think he’s too stupid/incompetent/messed up to know what he likes?

I used to date a guy who was drop dead gorgeous. An Adonis, as in women would stop in their tracks and stare at him handsome. I never questioned why he asked me out, he was a grown man capable of deciding what he wanted.

Anyway, one night we were out and he went to the men’s room and some woman came up and asked me if I was with him. I said yes and she asked HOW?! She walked away before I could answer that one of the reasons was because I’d never be that damn rude.