Chatting with Grandma about fluoride and gay folks

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I had a nice long talk with my Grandma this weekend. She’s 89, pretty active once her blood’s up, and quite a chatterbox. She’s still pretty sharp in the head, though she’s gotten sort of eccentric in the ten years since my grandpa died. Anyway, this is a conversation we had that I can’t stop chuckling over.
“Inky, honey, you hear about this? You hear that gay folks are getting married in your town.”

Well, in the city they are anyway. You think they shouldn’t be allowed to?

(Shrugs) “If it makes them happy it’s none of my business. Let them suffer like the rest of us if that’s what they want. You know the Krogers son, little Joe, nice boy, he’s got the gay.”

(At this point I spit soda out my nose. Grandma misinterprets this as shock). “I know! I was just as surprised. He played varsity football.”

Really? He ‘got the gay’ huh?

“Oh yes. He told Betty and Joe senior over Thanksgiving, though I think he really should’ve waited 'till after supper. Betty and Joe are being really good about it, but I can tell they’re hoping its just a phase he’s going through. Asked their church group to pray for him – heh, Lutherans! You know what’s causing it, don’t you? It’s the fluoride.”

It’s the what?

“Fluoride. You know, that stuff they put in the water for your teeth. I read all about it in a magazine, and damned if that doesn’t make sense. Before they started putting it in the water – no gays. Now (waves hands in the air).”

Really, there were no gays when you were growing up?

“Not like now. Started in the 70’s. Fluoride during pregnancy – I read all about it. It’s a blessing that your mom and dad moved when they did. I’d hate to think what that stuff might’ve done to you kids growing up.”

Oh really. What about cousin Steve?

“Well you know what (aunt) Trudy’s like. Never cut the apron strings after Clifford died on that roller coaster at the Jaycee’s carnival.”

(Giving her a look) And aunt Tilly?

“She couldn’t get a man. She has very strong features.”

She has a ‘Y’ chromosome, Gramma.

“I’m just saying. Fluoride during pregnancy. I read all about it and I’m glad you and Christopher grew up without it.”

Um, yeah, about Christopher…

2

Oh dear. Someone’s been tampering with Grandma’s precious bodily fluids.

3

Uh, yeah. That would be the makers of Korbel brandy. “Just a nip now and again, honey. Warms me up and it’s good for my rheumatism.” Heh, gotta love her.

4

Did she first find out about this during the physical act of love?

5

I don’t know, but she’s going to have to explain it to the Coca-Cola people.

6

Ya know, if I heard the conversation in the OP on a sitcom, I’d scoff at it being silly and contrived, but somehow you’ve make it work for me! Thanks for an early-morning chuckle!!

7

At least Grandma doesn’t seem to object to gays, she’s just got a funny theory about where they come from. I mean, it could be worse! She’s way ahead of most people her age there…

8

She is actually fairly open minded about getting the gay.

You can tell your Grandma that one of your doper friends lives on a well and has no flouride, so we are raising two hetero kids in Michigan, however, we can opt for got the gay with flouride treatments from the dentist.

  • Queerness with minty fresh taste! ™ *

:slight_smile:

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Gotta love grandparents. Old school all the way… :cool:

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"But I know what’s really going on, Stuart. I know it’s the queers. They’re in it with the aliens. They’re building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear to God. "

My grandparents have never expressed any opinions on people who happened to get the gay, so I don’t know how they feel about it. Fluoride is an interesting “cause,” though.l

11

You know what angelicate? I like you, you’re not like the other people, here on the SDMB…

Anyway.

This reminds me of a funny conversation I had with my grandpa. I was sitting there, covering safe topics such as my job and the weather, when all of the sudden, he starts talking about all the medical marijuana campaigning that had been going on at the time, and how its all a bunch of BS, and marijuana should just be legal, period. He went on to tell me that the arguments and attitudes against legalization were just like the ones for prohibition, and that didn’t work very well. I just sat there all stunned and proud. And this is coming from a former Chief of Police! Grandparents are great.

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Tell granny to read the article more closely. Flouride doesn’t make you gay, it makes you Communist.

13

Developments! I just got off the phone with my mom and (after she was done pissing herself with laughter) she told me this fluoride theory of Gramma’s started way, way back after she read an article about a drug called Thalidomide which causes birth defects. Fluoride, thalidomide – it’s got an ‘ide’ in it so they gotta’ be similar, right?

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Well this is just ducky, Inky, my computer is now covered with half chewed taco!

Well damn why didn’t I think of it! This explains all those great white smiles out there!

And so … what’s this about Christopher?? :wink:

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I don’t have anything substanitive to add, Inky, except that your thread title made me positively honk with mirth. :smiley:

16

Huh. So I guess those years of poor dental hygiene are why I only got the gay halfway, huh?

Learn something new every day.

17

Great. They’re not just gay, they’re flipper gay.

18

Growing up, my mom and dad had to practically force me to drink water but in the past five years, I’ve gone through spells where I drink a ton of the stuff. Coincidentally, I’ve also come to realize I’m bisexual during the same timeframe.

Hmm… maybe there’s something to her theory after all.

19

My mother drank florinated water when she was pregnant with me, but they inoculated us in grade school so we wouldn’t get the gay,… or Polio. I forget.

I wish I had a funky-cool grandmother like that. Mine lives in the garage and keeps spiders as pets and names all her dogs “sammy”.

20

After posing the above I decided I should point out it’s not MY garage she lives in,. its hers.