"cheating" at sex...paranoid

Factual Questions
121

unbrok3npp, I can’t tell if you are getting the private messages I have sent you, so I’ll just post this here. I am waiting for a call back from Planned Parenthood- transportation is not provided, but they are looking for a volunteer to assist with getting one or both of you to the office. I still want you to go to the store I told you about and pick up a couple of tests just in case you cannot find time to sneak out and get to Planned Parenthood.

No more denial and no more fooling around until this is resolved, okay? You hinted that there are social or religious restrictions on your spending time with this girl, so I am going to make the assumption that you have made a promise to remain chaste until a certain age, or until marriage. (LDS? Mormon? JW?) If I am correct, and the two of you are afraid of excommunication, then pregnancy is not your only concern, so I am asking you to keep your hands to yourself until you are ready to accept the responsibilities of having a sexual relationship. Denial is what got you in this situation- accept the fact that you *have had * intercourse and do not do it again until you both have made the decision to either make your own choices separate from your upbringing, or until you have married. No other way around it.

Many of us who have responded in this thread have modern and liberal ideas about sex, but if the two of you do not, then scrap the friendly advice and stick to the facts. No matter what, go and get pregnancy tests and follow the instructions in the package, and either stay away from one another or carry a condom. And if that condom in your wallet makes you feel ashamed of having sexual plans aforethought: good. You need to be reminded of how nervous you are right now, and reminded of how being horny can remove both reason and accountability.

122

The “clear slimy stuff” that comes out first does contain sperm. Not in the quantities contained in ejaculate, but there is enough sperm in there to result in pregnancy.

Your girlfriend needs to see a doctor as soon as possible, and you both need to research safe sex methods.

Good luck to you.

123

Okay, unbrok3npp, you have two options: sneak out and drive one or both of you to the clinic, or take the bus. I’ve been speaking with a young lady at PP and she found that a bus runs through your area on all main roads that will take you directly across from the clinic on Main St. Check your private messages for the phone number and address- I can make the appointment for you, but I would prefer it if you do it yourself. Remember that the clinic has late hours on Thursday- open until 7:00 if that makes things easier. PM me if you have any more questions- otherwise good luck, Sweetie- your future is in your hands, do the right thing.

124

If my assumptions about her parents are true - she should go for shots or implants - containers of BC pills lying around for Mom to find are not wise. Also PP will probably have volunteers who can help her get to the clinic - they are pretty good by now at “fooling parents.” Call and ask.

I’d like to second what was said earlier. Yes, you can get pregnant anytime, and yes, at 17 she is probably in the peak of fertility. However, you only have a 25% chance of conceiving each cycle under good circumstances - and right after her period using withdrawal isn’t good circumstances. Don’t count on it every working again (if it worked) as birth control - but for now, I think your chances of not being pregnant are way higher than your chances of being pregnant.

125

Privacy laws prevent doctors’ offices from telling parents that their children are taking birth control, having a pregnancy test, or anything else, especially after that child hits 14. Even if the parent is being billed for it.

However, it would still be best to go to Planned Parenthood. They will absolutely maintain your privacy and give you all the information you need. And it will be accurate, which you can’t count on from your parents, school, or even necessarily your doctor (doctors can have agendas too).

126

And, Planned Parenthood will most likely give you a handful of condoms for free. Rock!

127

Yes, the law theoretically prevents the physician office from providing such information.

However, if the doctor’s office “accidentally” calls and leaves a message on the parents’ answering machine, all that theory ain’t gonna do jack to fix the situation.

I speak from personal experience here - and we were well over the age of majority and living on our own.

Go to PP.

128

It’s not strictly necessary to get a pregnancy test right away. Episodes like this will scare you, but you have to forget about it unless you have good reason to. Most girls find out about pregnancy by not having a period (Pregnant chicks don’t get periods).

All this talk about education is good, but go out and buy condoms before you see her again. All of these ideas about seeing doctors etc, but make sure you wear a condom next time and every time you don’t want a baby. That’s the rule. Condoms aren’t a big deal. You slip it on and get to business. When you come pull out as soon as possible while holding it to make sure it doesn’t slip off.

But about pregnancy and sperm? Yes the “pre-cum” does contain sperm, and your penis still has sperm it it after you cum. Having sex with a penis full of jizz is a bad idea if you aren’t wearing a condom.

But whatever you do, just get some condoms ASAP.

It’s a shame nobody talked to you about this stuff. But luckily enough, you’ve come here with plenty of people that want to help you.

It’s true, the chances are low. Also note that those percentages listed above? They’re for a typical year. That’s not a one-time chance. Regardless, I’ve been there when a condom failed, and yeah I understand the desire to know what’s up.

To be honest though, it sounds like you know a good bit of how this stuff works already. Women get pregnant after ANAL sex. The semen can get on panties and then get mixed in with vaginal fluid and then BAM, less than 0 percent chance of getting pregnant. The main point here is that there’s no reliable way to cheat it. The good thing about planned parenthood is that she could get the pill there. If you guys are gonna be cracking at it regularly then it’s the best idea. But remember, the pill has certain rules that she needs to follow that absolutely CANNOT be broken.

The good thing is that nobody here wants to stop you two from having fun, just to do so in a safe way.

129

As I said earlier, waiting to have or not have a period is a really bad way to figure out if you’re pregnant, especially if you do not want to be pregnant. Many women spot in the early stages of pregnancy and thus think they are having a period when they are not. Other women have irregular periods anyway and don’t have one and then think they’re pregnant when they are not.

Also, “waiting” is just so arbitrary and easily convoluted into “waiting” for 2 months or more. Girl has sex, thinks she’ll just wait for her period. Thinks her last one was, e.g., a week ago. So she says, I’ll wait 3 weeks then. 3 weeks go by, nothing. Well maybe I was wrong about when the last one was. Let me wait a couple more weeks. Couple weeks go by, still nothing. Well I sometimes miss one anyway, let me wait another few weeks just in case. Meanwhile she is pregnant and that embryo is getting bigger and bigger.

I’d wager that this is the thought process of many a young woman who is fervently wishing she is NOT pregnant and for some unknown reason cannot hightail it to a doctor to find out for sure.

There is no reason, in 2007, for someone who doesn’t want a baby to merely wait until a period shows up. It’s actually a really stupid thing to do, unless the woman DOES want to be pregnant. If she has any inclination to terminating the pregnancy, get a test done asap. “Waiting” is for persons who are going to be joyous at finding out they’re going to have a baby.

Edit: also, speaking for myself, if I just waited to not have a period and thought that meant I must be pregnant, I’d have been pregnant about a hundred times since age 15. Waiting simply doesn’t make sense for non-baby-wanting women.

130

It sounds like Beaucarnea has you pretty well covered on getting to Planned Parenthood, but here’s the story on home pregnancy tests (HPTs). Several people here have given you misinformation on how soon they are accurate.

Sperm can stay alive in the female reproductive tract for 2-3 days. Once ovulation occurs, if there is sperm around, the egg can be fertilized. It takes 7-10 days for a fertilized egg to implant in the uterus. Once implantation occurs, the body starts to manufacture human chorionic gonadatropin (hCG), which is the chemical that pregnancy tests measure. hCG levels double about every 36-48 hours. It typically takes about 3 days for levels to reach a value that the most sensitive tests can measure.

So lets do the math and figure out when you can be confident in a negative on a HPT. Suppose you had sex on the 4th and she ovulated on the 7th. If the egg was fertilized then, it could take as long as 10 days to implant (the 17th). If it then takes 3 days for hCG levels to get to a measureable level, she should have a positive pregnancy test no later than the 20th if she is pregnant. If you get one of the sensitive tests (see www.peeonastick.com for reviews of sensitivity of different tests) and it is negative after the 20th, you’re almost certainly OK. (FYI, the tests are most accurate if you use the first pee you produce in the morning - it tends to have somewhat higher levels of hCG if you are pregnant.)

Any of the above times could conceivably (heh heh) be shorter. The earliest you could get a positive result would probably be the 14th (ovulation on the 4th, 7 days to implant, 3 days for hCG to increase). So you can test starting then if you want, but it will probably be better to wait.

For accurate information about how all this works, your girlfriend may want a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which will give you fabulous, very detailed information about natural family planning (how to get pregnant only when you want to). The same author has a book aimed at teenagers called Cycle Savvy, but I haven’t read that one, so I can’t tell you if it’s better for you guys.

Best of luck. Many of us have sweated through a wait like this. I’m doing it every month right now, but worrying about a negative result, rather than a positive.

131

This is the deal on home pregnancy tests. They can be accurate as soon as 10 days after conception. That’s after conception, not after sex. Conception can occur as long as 5 days after sex. However, that does not meant that any result at that time is that accurate. Here’s what I mean:

Say you have sex right around ovulation (this does not seems to be so in your case, but if she ovulated super early it’s a possibility). Now if you take one of the “early” pregnancy tests, like Clear Blue Easy, it will tell you it is 99% accurate 10 days after conception. This is very misleading. What that means is, if you get a positive test result at that time, you are pregnant, pretty much 100% guaranteed. However, many women can be pregnant at this time but their hormone levels are not raised enough to give a positive result yet, and the test will give you a false negative. Read the fine print, in every home pregnancy test, it will recommend waiting until the first day of a missed period to take the test for best results.

I know this from personal experience - I used 3 different kinds of tests right up until my period was actually late, I got a negative result with both of my pregnancies until after I missed my period, then I got a positive. Meaning, I was pregnant and got several negative results until I waited long enough. Make sure you do not interpret one negative home test as “safe.” If you get a positive though, that is usually accurate at any time, however, if taken very early you can get a positive and then have a very early miscarriage, resulting in a period and no pregnancy. So it’s best to wait.

If you cannot get to a Dr, and you want to test at home, you need to wait until she misses a period to get an accurate home test result. Count 28 days after the first day of her last period and start testing then. If she knows how many days her cycle usually lasts then adjust that number up or down.

I would still recommend she gets to a Planned Parenthood, they will be able to give her good information on birth control and pregnancy as well as be able to give her a blood test sooner than you can take a home test.

From what you describe, it is very unlikely that she is pregnant. But please educate yourself and do get tested anyway.

132

Unless there is a prophecy that the Dread Lord of the Damned shall be birthed by this human female and bring about an age of darkness than I think this is likely untrue.

133

This is true.

I “got my period” in September, 2001. Didn’t think anything of it. A few weeks later, I went to the doctor because I was just feeling really weird in general…and discovered that I was 7 weeks pregnant! No wonder I felt weird!

Of course, in my case, this was a good thing, as I was a married adult who wanted a child. I wasn’t trying to get pregnant at that point, but frankly, we weren’t trying too hard not to get pregnant, either! :smiley:

But for the OP–the one question I have is this: Why did you think that you didn’t “have sex” with your girlfriend?

134

(emphasis mine)

Sex isn’t a game.

135

So the OP is 17, and he has not masturbated in his life? Is it just me, or is that the weirdest thing you have ever heard of?

136

He may be part of a small minority, but it’s not unheard of.

137

I agree. Plus I think you guys would be better off considering the birth control options that do not require as much daily maintenance as the pill does. It is important to remember to take the pill every day to be sure it will be effective, but a lot of women are pretty bad at remembering to take it every day, and I suspect that is especially true of teen girls. You might want to read up about the other options like the Depo shot, the ortho evra patch, or the nuva-ring.

138

whew. so much information here!
Thanks to everyone! Especially those trying to help me with pp. I will try my hardest to get there. Soon she turns 18 and we’ll be able to go wherever we want, so worst case scenerio I wait till then.
If we cant get to pp I think we’ll just wait a few weeks and Ill buy her some home tests. Is it safe to buy from ebay?(i think im gonna get first response)

139

I already called the Dollar Tree that is near your house- they have tests for one dollar apiece. Go in and tell them that your sister called yesterday- and tell the clerk that “She asked for 4 or 5”.

140

im sure they are fine, but i feel really uncomfortable about spending $1 on a test…plus ebay is more private…