Cheezy Porn Plot Situations You've Been In

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I was recently thinking (and not even for the reason you might expect) that I’ve never really been in a situation that works as a cheezy porn plot device. (Nor have I been a cheezy porn movie either, dammit, but that’d be a whole different thread).

I know we have some former pizza delivery guys/girls here, and I’m sure that we have some folks that have done door-to-door sales to lonely housewives, and I wouldn’t be surprised if we had some people who’ve rushed up to a motel check-in desk at exactly the same time as an attractive someone else just to learn that there was only one room available.

So, who here has been invited to be a cabana boy for senior week at a womens’ college (and been able to actually accept the offer), or been in another situation where they realize, “I could be in the middle of a cheezy porn movie plot, here.”

2

Met a mod through the boards and he showed me the love that only two men can have.

It was a weird morning.

3

I was in high school, getting tutored in trigonometry by my future boyfriend, and there was suddenly a blackout. So we did the rest of the lesson by candlelight. I didn’t think of it as a porn plot at the time (those were innocent days) but it did strike me as a goofy romance-inducing plot device. Although actually, nothing happened - the relationship didn’t take off till later.

4

Once, when I was still driving an Expedition, I drove my two best friends out and we went bowling. Afterward, the three of us were sitting in the car… somehow, I wound up in the back seat with the two of them…

I didn’t get any action, but I WILL say that I tied up my friend so that her boyfriend could have his way with her (I held her feet, too).

5

I was seduced by a drunken schoolteacher on the day her divorce papers were finalized. That’s kinda pornish.

I also let a friend ‘work off’ her debt to me by being my sex slave for a night. I don’t really consider it paying for sex because I knew I would never get the money anyway.

6

I had sex with a co-worker, at work, when she asked to see ahem Little robgruver. Strange, strange, strange.

[sub]Refuses to talk about the psudeo porn he did[/sub]

7

I post as a chunk of me screams, “Don’t…don’t…you’re not awake yet…you’re so totally not awake yet…you’ll regret this…”

Aiight, I was dressed in a very interesting thingy made of leather straps and metal rings, and I was tied spread-eagled on the bed, and the hub left the room and invited a very good (male) friend of mine to come back and, you know, fill in the blanks.

[bum-chicka-WOW-WOW…]

And I went to a wedding last year and the wedding present I gave the bride and groom was me for the weekend, and they did indeed avail themselves of my gift vigorously, several times.

And I’m a’ shuttin’ up now…

8

Hmmm…Hamadryad, you’re in Richmond, right? Well, I am as well, and I was just thinking that maybe, well, you know, if you’re not doing anything…

Anyway, my only porn plot-like escapade involved a Scandanavian couple on St. Martin. I was visiting during spring break, went to a nude beach, met Greta and Lars (I have know idea what they’re real names were, that didn’t seem particularly impportant at the time), one thing lead to another and we ended up in a tangle of arms, legs, and other body parts at their condo. I did my best for increased cooperation in the much neglected area of international debauchery. I like to think I put the cause forward by about 20 years.

9

Folks, I’d like to say upfront that I’m not anywhere near as illiterate as my spelling in the previous post might indicate. The thought of Hamadryad tied spread eagle to a bed, bound in leather and chrome, with all her blanks exposed, momentarily wiped out my higher brain functions.

10

After a night of late work in a restaurant I worked, me and a colleague went back to our supervisors place for a couple of beers as we had done a couple of times before. I don’t think anything was planned beforehand, but when turning on the TV it turned out that it had a porn flick in the VCR, which turned us on so much that we ended up in bed and had sex until very early in the morning.

That, and one time when I had late shift in another restaurant type place that also sold magazines. I thought I was alone and after cleaning I went into the back of the restaurant to read a couple of porn magazines we also sold. In the middle of whacking off I got busted by a colleage who needed to pick something up and asked if he could join in. I, ofcourse, did not say ‘no’ :smiley:

Other things have happened, but there must be something saved for later. (Not to mention that I’m at work now and someone could walk in at any time and catch me writing this. Which accidentally could lead to another story… hmmmmm… ;)).

11

Well, one of my friends (A pretty damn hot friend) who is in my TCP/IP course at school with me got a new computer. It worked for a while, then her mom messed it up ‘somehow’.

My friend told me at school, “My computer won’t work right. I keep getting these error messages whenever I run something! Could you please come fix it for me?”.

I went over to her house as soon as school was over, bringing along my trusty computer maintainence kit, and she invited me in. She explained she wanted me to do it today because “Her parents weren’t home and she didn’t want them to bug us”.

She took me up to her room where her computer was. I booted it up, and yes, there was a problem. However, the problem was actually caused by an idiotic salesman who explained things incorrectly to a new computer. He had told them they didn’t have to shutdown the computer at all, only put it on standby and such. Well…with Windows that doesn’t exactly work. I restarted, and everything was fine.

So, here I am at a sexy friend’s house, no parents are home, and the computer’s fixed.

No, nothing happened (part of my mind is saying “Goddammit!” while the other side is saying “Eh. Oh well”). We just talked, and then we realized that we had a Porn Plot Experience, and we had a good laugh at that.

Now she calls me her “Mr. Fixit”.

12

Dammit, that should read “new computer user”.

13

I can think of a few situations I was in during my college years…

I was a late-night DJ at the campus station. One night, during my 2-5am shift, a former DJ brought his wife by to show her the station. He had graduated about five years before, and the two had spent the night out drinking. His wife was very pretty and wearing a barely-there dress. I kept waiting for him to offer her to me, but it never happened.

Twice, also in school, I was hanging out in the dorm room of a female friend of mine when her roommate got undressed and changed. These were two different friends/situations, and one of them was preceded by the roommate talking about her breasts and how firm they were. I was expecting an invitation to touch them, but it never came.

Then, there was the strange girl in my freshman year whom I was working on a project with, alone, in her dorm room, when she steered the conversation toward how she never wore any underwear. If I wasn’t totally clueless then (and I was) I would’ve asked for some proof.

One day, I’m gonna make a hell of a porn movie with all of the things that didn’t happen to me. :o

14

A friend and I pulled into the parking lot of the local concert hall for a Cure show. I had a case of beer in the back of my truck and we proceeded to tailgate. Two lovelylittle got chicks where across the parking lot and we sort of flirted, back and forth. Suddenly it started to rain. The four of us lept into the back of my dingy old truck and weathered the storm.
My friend had to pee and ran from the back of the truck to find a spot to relieve himself. Then, as if it was scripted the two women started kissing me. It never evolved into anything else (I think because my friend came back and yelled “Holy shit”). In the back of my mind though, 70’s porn wickey-wickey, Ron Jeremy music was playing . It would of been nice…

15

:::Puts on bikini, sets up lawn chair and pops open a beer:::

This is going to be quite the thread.

As for me, I haven’t had any, though I provided one. A serious hottie moved into the apartment across from me (back when I was 19) and I welcomed him to the neighborhood before he even unpacked his boxes. :wink:

16

Last year my wife’s cousin came to visit us on the weekend that she turned eighteen.

The only thing that went through my mind as my wife told me she would be visiting is “Dear Penthouse, I never thought something like this would happen to me…”

17

Let’s see…

I went to a Halloween party a few years ago in a cool Cleopatra costume and ended up meeting two cute guys, best friends. The three of us uh, hung out together later that night. I ended up going home with the dark-haired one because his parents didn’t mind if he brought girls home(!). He had a whole wing of the house that we pretty much had to ourselves, so it wasn’t too awkward. I found out later that his parents wanted him to have a sexual experience because he was 18 and still a virgin. (I am not making this up; his parents were unique for sure!) We only came out of the guy’s side of the house to snag the occasional snack consisting of Cherry Coke, hotdogs, and Pringles. I spent the weekend with him, then switched off and spent the week with the other one.

See, one went to college out of state (Dark Hair) and came home for weekends; and the other (Blonde Hair) went to school in the state where I lived. I liked both of them, they both liked me, and we decided that they would share me. We alternated weeks (Blonde Hair)and weekends (Dark Hair) like that for about two months. It was way big fun for all. But I didn’t get much sleep.

I eventually ended up dating Blonde Hair all by himself for several years, but that’s another story. I also have more stories about different people, but I don’t want to be a post hog. :slight_smile:

18

One summer when I was in college, I went down to Six Flags with a bunch of friends. On the way back, we had car trouble just outside of Denton, and two friends and I had to spend the night in a cheapy motel while the mechanics fixed our car.

By a strange coincidence, the other guy had pawned off a huge collection of pornographic magazines to the driver, and she happened to be keeping them in the trunk of her car.

We took a few handfulls of magazines upstairs, got some beer and some pizza, and pretty soon she got brave enough to take on both of us at the same time.

I’d have to say that was the most… interesting sexual experience I’ve ever had.

Pete
Take off every .sig for great justice!!

19

One time…? In band camp…?

20

I posted this a while ago, as a thread starter to see if anyone else had similar silly stories. I’ll post it again here. Sorry its so long. I didn’t find this funny at the time, but I do now.

I was staying in this very cheap backpacker’s hostel in London. I went to bed early and the lights are out in my dorm room. It probably wasn’t obvious I was there.

I am woken by a girl saying in her most alluring possible voice, in a plummy posh English upper class accent (I will never forget), “You can do AANYTHAANG you want to me, baby!” followed by a male mumble and then her voice again saying, “Oh, YAAAH, I love it like that!”.

I open my eyes. I am lying on my side facing the other bunk. In the dim light from under the door I can see this girl on another guy’s bunk, totally naked, getting into position to do it doggy style. But because it’s a bunk, and because the other side of the bunk is against the wall, the only position available is for her to get on her hands and knees, legs spread wide, her you-know-what pointing directly at me, so this guy can stand behind her in the gap between the beds and go to it. He does so. I feel like the close-up camera in a porn movie. Not only that but this girl is obviously into talking dirty and without going into details, she has a vivid imagination

Now you may think of this as being a voyeur’s ultimate experience, but actually I realize my situation is a bit awkward. If I stay and enjoy the show, they probably notice me when they turn on the light afterwards, and the fact I’ve just stayed and watched would be a bit hard to explain.

So I lay there for a few minutes and then I get angry and think, fuck it, this situation isn’t my fault, why should I be embarrassed? So I say loud and clear, “I’ll come back later shall I?” The girl straightens up so fast she bangs her head on the top bunk. Their heads spin round so fast they’re in danger of getting whiplash, they both look at me shocked for a few seconds before the guy realizes he is blocking my exit from my bunk, there is hasty coitus interuptus, he gets out of the way, and in the certainty that they were hardly in a position to complain I get out of bed, ignoring the fact that my flagpole is waving brazenly in the breeze, get dressed and leave. Neither says a word.

As soon as the door closes I hear the girl’s screeching near-hysterical voice: “Oh my GAAD! Who was that fellow? Oh JESAAS, I can’t BELIEVE you let me say thaat in front of him… Do you think he was… you know…while he was watching us? Did you SEE him when he got up?” and so on.

I was half afraid she’d go down to reception and complain to the management as if I’D snuck into the room and disturbed THEM rather than the other way around. But anyway, they were gone when I came back an hour later, (and so was his stuff), and I never saw either of them again.