Cheezy Porn Plot Situations You've Been In

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I came back from overseas and decided to take some college classes. I was older than most of the other students especially in a beginning French class I had decided to take. The Professor was an attractive woman just couple of years younger than my 28 (sounding sufficiently cheezy yet? Just wait, it gets worse).

Then once as I was walking out of class the professor called me over to talk to her. She pointed out that I was not doing well in the class and perhaps I just needed some private tutoring. Now, I had been through a war, a revolution and had been blown up, shot at and been with more than a couple of women on both sides of two oceans in my time, so I was no innocent, but honestly as stupid as this makes me look, I didn’t see this coming.

I got over to her place and was met by a woman dressed very casually (little more than a sweatshirt as I remember). As we began studying, she suggested that we have some wine to relax me (apparently it helps people study languages-it still was not dawning on me yet). Then she said (And I swear this is true), “Do you mind if I slip into something more comfortable?” (Nobody really says that, but she did.)

She came back with a touch more than nothing on, and then it finally hit me. We weren’t going to be studying from books that evening.

I passed her class that semester despite not being in the classroom for much of that time (well, not the regular classroom at least). I did learn a lot though…and my vowels really got conjugated.

TV

22

As a very young man (old boy?) I was a boy-toy to three lesbian friends. Never more than two of us nekkid at once though.

DAMN

23

I almost forgot about this (well, not really, but…).

For my first 1.25 years of high school I attended an all-boy private Catholic school (Mullen High fer you Coloradans). I finally got them to kick me out in October of my sophmore year (cigarettes? bad attitude? something). So I started classes at the local public, home of the Warriors, high school hell. But there were girls, sooo…

My very first day there: Go to classes, see all of the old people I hated from before, plus a few old friends that I had grown away from. After school I’m sitting in the cafeteria with an old pal (also named Thom) when a Senior girl comes walking over to say hi to him. Turns out that her car is on the quits, so she needs a ride home.

Start cheesy porn music here.

We get to her place and my friend is making all sorts of sexual inuendos and giving me looks like “Oh yeah! We gonna getsum!” Now, I had just lost my virginity about 3 weeks before during a one night stand (which, actually, could be another post, almost…)(maybe I’ll tack it to the end)* and was eagerly looking forward to my next time of copulation.

We walk into her house, and after the obligatory tour, I see a hot tub out back.

“You got a hot tub!”
“Do you have a suit?”
“Um, no. Do I need one?”
“Uhhhhh…OK hotshot, get in.”

Thom and I look at each other, smile, strip and jump into the hottub before we could be embarrassed by each other hard-ons. (I was 16, it took me a few to be secure with my heterosexuality) She comes out about 5 minutes later in a one piece (bummer), sitting in-between us she smirks and asks “what’s up?” Next thing I feel is her hand on my dick, and the next thing I see is my friend’s face jumps as he too feels the same thing on his. Smiles all around.

In a matter of fact voice she asks me what I’d like to do. “Blowjob.” No hesitation, no regrets. I sit on the edge of the tub, and my friend gallantly averts his eyes while she proceeds to give me a 30 second blowjob that (of course) ends entirely too soon…For 30 seconds I touched heaven.

She stands up and says that its too hot, why don’t we go inside? Wrapping towels around ourselves we trounce into the living room, sit on the floor, watch her shimmy out of her suit, and Thom proceeds to get head while I enter her from behind. She isn’t into that, so she stops sucking Thom (sorry man) and we proceed to screw for a long time. Long enough that Thom loses interest and gets dressed(?!). She and I finish, and I go into the bathroom to clean up and get dressed.

When I walk out there is another guy standing there, lookin mighty pissed off. It was her boyfriend. He was big. Luckily, he was also dumb and wrapped around her finger. We quickly made our departure, and managed to get 3 whole blocks before we were busting up laughing, high-fives and all that.

Ahhh…public school is going to be NICE!

Wrong. She was the first and last girl from that school that I would screw until my Senior year. I mainly dated girls from the all girl Catholic school that I had met when at Mullen- shitty school, great contacts.

*My first-time near porno was the fact that the girl wanted me, broke up with her boyfriend at the party we were at, and as we were walking up the stairs to find an empty room the ex yelled “Get Fucked!” and she coolly, calmy, turned around, looked at him and said “He will.” The whole party just burst out laughing…

-Tcat

24

Sweet Jesus, I finally have something to add to these lovely threads.

About a year ago, my parents took a vacation to Disneyland, taking with them my younger sister and my son… leaving me to keep an eye on their house and pets. (Thanks, guys!)

So the first night there that I dont have to work, I invite the girls over. ‘The girls’ consists of 4 of my closest female friends; a lesbian, a practicing bi-chick, two bi-curious girls and me… the relatively straight girl who only gets her panties wet for the likes of Tori Amos.

So we bring over some Apple Pucker and Bacardi, our swimsuits and some playing cards. (My parents house is UBER religious with Christian propoganda littering the entire residence, mind you)

So we drink a little and play some cards… then we hit the pool.

Bowm-chicka-bomBOW…
I vaguely recall having a chick on either nipple and someones tongue in my mouth, which was nothing compared to some of the things I witnessed in said pool.

We’ve all been relatively mellow towards one another since that night… we still hang out just like ‘the girls’…

But man oh man… what I wouldn’t have done for a video camera and some marketing skills.

25

Won’t give many details but I did have a woman I barely knew say to me “I’m going to give you a blow job now; is that ok?”

26

When I was in the Navy, I had a best friend who I partied with all the time. She and I picked up a lot of guys, but finally one night, we picked up the SAME guy. We had been making comments about a threesome, but he didn’t really think we were serious…unbeknownst to him, we grabbed a bunch of packets of honey from the waitress. He drove us back to the base, and right there in the parking lot, we took him into the back of his van, took his clothes off and proceeded to cover him in honey. I’m more of a legs gal, and she was more into pecs, so I started at his ankles, she at his neck, and we met in the middle. His eyes rolled so far back in his head, I wasn’t sure he was gonna be able to see again.

27

I was visiting my friend at college in columbus, we decide to go to a big block party, so i get really drunk (-: in some dudes house trying to find the bathroom, there is a line maybe like 6 or 7 people so the three girls in front of me all go in at once.

Well the chick behind me is like 5’9 or so, blond I remember she was really fine. So anyway I innocently chat with her, then as the 3 chicks come out of the bathroom, I tell the girl behind me she can come in with me if she’d like.

She did, we went south on each other, then started to have sex while people outside were banging on the door telling us to hurry up. They knew what we were doing (we were loud)
Kinda seemed like a cheap “campus life porn”

then this other time

And then my two female friends took me to a gay club, there was this girl I knew from high school there who I knew was a lesbian, so I sat with her and talked about all the girls that were on the dance floor. Then I pointed out these two girls grinding on each other, and told her to go and hook up with them. She said I should because she thought they were straight.

So I approach them later when they were at the bar and try to start a conversation, when one of them interupts me and says “we just came to find a dick for tonight would you like to leave with us?” I didn’t even tell my friends I was leaving, we just left.

Turned out they were bi and they had been together for like 2 years, but they just wanted a third person. (-: hehe I had alot of fun that night, they had hundreds of candles and mirrors all throughout their apt. Then Sara mentions a camera, hay I was down for anything at the time, she started out filming then just put it on the tripod, and joined in.

28

A few years back, my girlfriend and I were at a pair of mutual friends 20th anniversery party. They renewed their vows in church and everything. Quite a reception after at their house. After everyone else left. The four of us were skinny dipping in the pool and hot tub. One thing led to another. So there we were, me with the bride, my lady friend with the groom. The four of us didn’t stop til dawn.

In it’s way, that was the kinkiest thing I’ve ever done.

It also was the start of a very interesting relationship with the four of us.

(I can’t believe I just told this to the entire SDMB!)

29

I’ve never had sex with anyone ever.

But a couple of weeks ago I witnessed two women having sex in a hot tub.

But it was part of my job, so that doesn’t count.

30

Years and years ago, when I was maybe seventeen, a friend and I changed a flat tire for two young “professional” women, who then offered to show us just how grateful they were.

I was in the middle of some sort of Jack Kerouac semi-Buddhist, Southern Baptist influenced, pseudo-intellectual celibacy idiocy, and so declined their offer.

My friend accepted their offer and then talked about the experience for years.