Chelsea Clinton is helping me shine door knocks

I found a photocopy of the following taped over the plastic window on the front of a Seattle Times vending box, in such a way as to block the view of the front page. Rather than type “[sic]” every few letters, I just typed it as is, typos etc. included:

Timecube press release?

I think I got a Viagra spam that had that as text.

I’d like Chelsea Clinton to help me “shine door knocks”…
And the SDMB let out a collective EWWWWWWWW!!!

Dude, the masturbation thread is down the hall, third door on your right… no, your other right… in case you need to be alone with Ms. Clinton the younger for a while.
As to the OP, um, wow.



That’s pure performance art, my friend. Submit it to the National Endowment for the Arts and get a grant.


I’ve been seeing some goddamn weird handmade posters on newspaper boxes in the city lately. They start “The Devil makes bats out of 2 million people children every year” and pimps for a Christian radio station. I’m starting to see them other places, and apparently these things are cropping up in Philly also.

It’s hard to read in this picture, but the posters look like this.

It’s got a good beat, but you can’t dance to it.

Not me. I’d do her in a heartbeat.

I thought it read like spam, too, but what are they spamming for?


If you cut highlight the third letter of every other word, and use the vowels according to the Fibonacci sequence, you see…
that the message retains all its coherence.

Me too, but that’s all the time it would take.

Personally, I’m worried about the legions of assinators that President Bush has at his command. Will they be transferred to the new guy in January, or does he get to keep them when he goes?

Yeah, baby.

Most guys would be ashamed to admit something like that publicly.

This came to mind for me, too. I can hear this being read aloud at a coffee shop’s poetry night.

To the OP, would it be possible to scan or photograph the original? I would be very interested to see the handwriting (if it’s handwritten)

My wife said, “You know, you’re a terrible lover.”

I said, "How can you make an important decision like that in less than twenty seconds?’

So I went out for lunch this afternoon and as I walked down the street, I saw an older man putting up posters featuring a large cartoon of a wide-eyed girl with big lips. It was obviously done by the same people who did the flyers I mentioned earlier. So I stopped and watched him for a minute, and he watched me. I wasn’t going to tear them down, probably. I was just thinking about it. Mostly I wanted to ask him who he was with, because the flyers have different messages each time and they’re obviously mass-produced, if they’re also popping up in other cities and elsewhere in New York. I don’t think this one guy is doing it on his own.

Just from the fact that he was putting up these loony posters, I knew he was cracked. Before I could ask him my question he started telling me I’d go to hell if I took his flyers down.

“Where did you get these?” I answered.

"I don’t want you to go to Hell, but in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost I’ll condemn your soul to Hell if you touch it, " he said.

“Where did you get the posters?”

“I’ll curse your soul to Hell!” said the bald man with two teeth.

“I’m just asking where those posters came from.”

“I’ll curse you and your whole family tree to Hell!”

That tore it. These things were coming down, but I was still curious.

“Where did you get the posters?”



“THE ST. WILLIAM’S ORGANIZATION!” he said even louder as he started to wander down the street. I decided to give myself a few minutes and bought my lunch first. When I got back, sanitation workers were already taking the flyers down, just like they’d done with the ones he glued to another light pole on the same street. I insisted on helping them rip them down. It wouldn’t be fair for them to go to Hell alone when I was the cursed one, and we made some pleasant conversation. And from now on, every one of these flyers I see is getting ripped down, and if possible, burned. I think I’ll make a detour on my way home to stop at an area where I know some of them are hanging.

Invisible blowjob?