re: “Voltron vs. the Transformers vs. the Gobots”
Well, first off, the Gobots were a cheap imitation of the Transformers, so they’re out. I’d have to go with Voltron on this because of his mighty, flaming sword of death. That, and well, he just looks so cool with those glowing, unfeeling eyes.
How about the Sleestaks(Land of the Lost) vs the crew of the Love Boat?
Crap. Sorry. While I’m here, just let me reiterate my vote for Chewie. That Klingon fighting crap does NOT equal martial arts. Anyway, Worf is too soft from hanging out with humans. He’s lost his edge.
Al Gore would short-circuit the Cylons’ logic chips by falsely claiming that he invented interstellar travel, then drive them away by soliciting campaign donations. The ones remaining would then be shot by Secret Service snipers.
I gotta go with Stubing’s crew on that one. The fight would begin with the “Staks” making that menacing serpantine hiss while walking slowly, arms outstretched towards “The Crew”.
At this point, things heat up. Stubing’s pissed, and he takes off his hat, and blinds the Staks with the glare off of his big bald melon. This is when Isaac comes in and just goes medievel on them by administering blow after blow of his “Hey! How ya doin’” greeting fingers. Finally, being the Love Machine that he is, Doc Bricker comes in to finish the boys off by anally raping them to death. Vicki and Gopher don’t even break a sweat.
Leonardo DiCaprio vs. Nell Carter
Nell Carter comes out swinging. She hits on of those really high notes, which stuns Leo. He blindly swings at her, but his blows glance ineffectually off her like Mr. Burns taking a swing at Homer. She then makes him cry by telling him he has the body of a nine-year old girl, picks him up, and breaks him like a twig over her knee.
How about Ross Perot vs. Strom Thurmond?
Ross. Definately. Besides the fact that he’s like 20 years younger, he always has that flip chart pointer. And he’d probably hire someone to take Thurman out when no one was looking.
Barbie vs. Skipper
Ross Perot v. Strom Thurmond
You would think that Perot would win. He’s tougher, stringier, and just plain nastier (and compared to Strom, that’s a lot). But I’m betting on Strom. After all of these years I don’t think that there’s anything on anyone that can take him out, much less a paranoid Texan.
My political matchup (in a knock-down, drag-out, eye-gouging, one-on-one physical battle, as opposed to the knock-down, drag-out, eye-gouging, one-on-one political battle we New Yorkers are going to get):
Hillary Clinton v. Rudy Giuliani
Barbie vs. Skipper
Barbie tries to grab Skipper by the hooters, but her hands close on air, as there is nothing much to grab. Meanwhile, Skipper bends Barbie’s leg backwards, and from it emits a sickening CRACKCRACKCRACK. Thinking she’s won, Skipper jumps up and does a victory dance.
Unbeknownst to her, Barbie has risen up, her leg joints akimbo. Skipper turns around, surprised. Barbie says, “My legs are meant to do that!” She subsequently pops Skipper’s head off, and lets the family poodle chew on it.
Hillary vs. Rudy
Simple. Hillary sits Rudy down and tells him the truth about what happened to Vince Foster. He bolts, screaming like a baby.
How about:
The Brat Pack vs. The Rat Pack
Pearl Jam vs. Pearl Bailey
or
Lenny Kravitz vs. Lenny from “Of Mice and Men” vs. Lenny Bruce (three-way free-for-all)
(assuming of course that the dead ones were still alive; or still dead, if you want to get creative)
Kosh #2 (“Evil Kosh,” the second Vorlon ambassador from “Babylon 5”) vs. Darth Vader.
Both in cumbersome environmental suits, both with awesome mental powers, both with some kind of agenda, both kinda nasty when provoked.
Discuss. 
Esprix
Lenny Kravitz is a peace lovin pacifist of a rock n roll guy, I don’t think he has the fight in him. Lenny (OM&M) is of course the obvious choice if you believe might is right.
However, I, for the most part believe in mind over matter and Lenny Bruce would most certainly outwit Lenny (probably with the old “your socks are untied” diversion). Of course, If Lenny could just get a hand on either one, it’s all over.
OK Archie comics fans:
Betty vs. Veronica
And Chewie really keeps in shape hanging out with the Ewoks, huh? Work does know fighting skills. He’s the second best fighter on the Enterprise (A close second behind robot-boy Data). It would be close, but worf would use various Akido techniques to break Chewies arms, negating his strength and reach advantages. Then he’d bash Chewies face in with his forehead lobster.
Votron vs. The Transformers? Depends. If the original series, then Voltron. If it’s the transformers from the movie, well, then, you have to remember the one transformer that was a freakin’ planet. Transformers.
Wonder Woman vs. Xena. Wonder Woman can fight superman to a stand still. Wonder Woman.
Darth Vader vs. Evil Kosh. Darth is faster, has mind powers equal to the Vorlon, and has a light saber. He’d open Kosh up like his own personal can of whoop ass.
Here’s a couple: Obi Won vs. Dracula.
Underdog vs. Mighty Mouse.
Flash Gordon vs. Buck Rogers.
Kiss vs. a kabuki(sp?) troupe.
Mighty Mouse can fly around holding a house on his outstretched index finger. Underdog can fly and crack jokes. - Mighty Mouse
In a one on one, Flash would win. But Buck’s got that little robot Twikki(sp?) who’s always going “Beedeebeedee” That annoying sound would unnerve Flash and Buck would take him out with a cheesy, fake-ass karate-kick.
You’d think Kiss, but wait… Kiss would comeout running with knives and chains until they became perplexed by the inane acting and motions of the kabuki troupe. The kabuki-ers would mezmerize Kiss with their endless, abstract acting until Kiss became so bored and numb that they commit sepeku to end the pain.
Alrighty, then how about
Underdog (On his Super Energy Pill) vs. Scooby Doo (on a Scooby snack) vs. Popeye (on a spinach hit)? Steel cage, Texas Strap Rules.
Also: The Babylon 5 station vs. the Battlestar Galactica.
Rocks vs. scissors vs. paper.
Well, the Scooby Snack really just makes scooby faster, not much else, and in a cage there’s nowhere to go, so he’s toast. So it just leaves Underdog and Popeye. Is Olive Oyl around to bash a big jar on Underdog’s head just when he’s got Popeye cornered? If not, Popeye’s screwed.
How about the Greatest American Hero, and KITT? (KITT Katt. Heeheehee. I hope someone got that.)
I’ve always felt that rock should win everytime. From what I understand, the concept is that the paper wraps around the rock, right? How does this equal defeat of rock? I never did feel that was right. And what’s with the chant of “Ro Sham Bo!”??? Is this really a way of summoning a demon? Scary, if you ask me… Anyway, rock gets my vote.
Ted Koppel vs. Howdy Doody (don’t they look like twins?)
Interesting how almost nobody has addressed Bill Gates vs. a jar of chiggers. Or havethey … and is Big Brother watching?
Anyway, I think Bill Gates IS a chigger, so the jarful would probably just welcome their long-lost cousin, at which point the entire colony would proceed with Bill’s agenda of total world domination.
Speed Racer vs. Knight Rider vs. Viper?
Bill Nye the Science Guy vs. Beakman?
Kevin Sorbo Hercules vs. Steve Reeves Hercules? (BTW, Steve Reeves passed away this week.)
Disney’s Tarzan vs. Johnny Weismuller Tarzan?
George Reeves Superman vs. Christopher Reeve Superman vs. Dean Cain Superman? (No wheelchair jokes, please)
Justice League vs. The Avengers. (They were going to do this, but DC and Marvel couldn’t agree on a script. I’ve seen some of George Perez’s art and it would have looked good, anyway.)
Data vs C3PO.
This is one of the funniest threads I’ve ever read. Maybe, after it’s played out, we should email it to Celebrity Deathmatch?
Good question! I’ve been pondering this for a while, since it is such a good match up. OK, so Dracula has lightning fast reflexes, the strength of ten men and can shape shift. Obi Wan has a lightsaber, due to the force, he can “sense” Dracula and “feel” when and where his attacks are coming. I see a long feud. Years and years of one hunting the other, coming into contact every now and then, and battling like the dickens. I see Dracula getting a death grip on Oci Wan and sucking his blood almost to the point of death, and then Obi Wan chopping off Dracula’s arm with his lightsaber. Because of this, Dracula goes into a long torpor to regenerate the arm and re-emerges fully healed.
In the end, Obi, or his protoge(sp?) will defeat Dracula, because that’s the way these things go. Light overcoming darkness, etc…
So, hows about Chicken Noodle Soup vs. Grilled Cheese Sandwhich?