There once was a man from Peru
He fell asleep in a canoe
He was holding his penis
While dreaming of Venus
And woke up with a handful of goo
There were other versions too…anyone have anything similar
On top of old Smokey
All covered in blood
I found my poor wolfman
His face in the mud
A knife in his belly
An axe in his head
I jumped to conclusions
My wolfman was dead
I sat with the Duchess at tea
She asked: “Do you fart when you pee?”
I answered with wit: “Do you belch when you shit?”
And I thought it was One-Up for me!
Great green globs of greasy, grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat
Dirty little birdie feet
Great green globs of greasy, grimy gopher guts
And me without my spoon
(To the tune of I’m Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover)
I’m looking over my dead dog Rover
Who lies on the kitchen floor
One leg is broken,
Another one sprained.
I ran him over
With my Cocoa Puffs train !
Strangers in the night
Exchanging rubbers
This one is too tight
I’ll try another
This one is too loose
But it will hold the juice
Never heard a “wolfman” version before.
There were lots of variations (almost all involving a teacher), but the version I remember went something like this:
On top of Old Smokey
All covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
with a .44 slug
And then the next morning
she wasn’t quite dead
So I took my bazooka
and blew off her head
I went to her funeral
To spit on her grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
Another school one:
My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We have tortured all the teachers we have broken all the rules
And tomorrow after school we’re going to hang the principle
The school is burning down.
Glory, glory, hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
So I nailed her at her door with a smoking .44
And she ain’t my teacher no more
The above was just one of many anti-school rhymes from my youth.
[Bandit Heeler]
It was the 80’s…
[/Bandit Heeler]
This land is my land
This land ain’t your land
I’ve got a shotgun
And you don’t got one
I’ll blow your head off
If you don’t get off
This land is private property.
Comet
It makes your teeth turn green
Comet
It smells like gasoline
Comet
It makes you vomit
So buy some Comet
And vomit
Today!
Jingle bells, Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
Batmobile lost a wheel
And Joker got away-- hey!
To be sung on the school bus when some kid actually or allegedly breaks wind:
Going down the highway, Highway 44,
(kid’s name) blew a big one and knocked us out the door.
The wheels couldn’t take it, the engine fell apart,
All because of (said kid) and his supersonic fart.
We three kings of orient are
Tried to smoke a rubber cigar
It was loaded and exploded
Now we’re on yonder star.
Heard a similar version:
Here we all were, 50 men or more
'Til (name) let off a big one that blew us out the door
Killed all 50 men, except for me and Art
And all because of (name) and their supersonic fart.
Fourth grade, circa 1970:
Hey Jude
I saw you nude
Don’t try to fake it
I saw you naked…
Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty or more.
Bobby laid a fart, in the grocery store.
Eighty men died trying to hold their breath,
Bobby cracked another, and killed all the rest!
Tra-la-la boom dee-ay
We have no school today
Our teacher passed away
We shot her yesterday
We threw her in the bay
She scared the crabs away
And when we pulled her out
She smelled like sauerkraut!
I’m a little acorn brown
Lying on the dusty ground
Everybody steps on me
That is why I’m cracked, you see
I’m a nut!
I’m a nut!
I’m a nut! I’m a nut! I’m a nut!
I called myself up on the phone
Just to see if I am home
I asked myself out on a date
At the latest half past eight
I’m a nut!
I’m a nut!
I’m a nut! I’m a nut! I’m a nut!
I took myself to the picture show
Sat right down on the very first row
I put my arms around my waist
Got so fresh I slapped my face
I’m a nut!
I’m a nut!
I’m a nut! I’m a nut! I’m a nut!
Hi Ho
Hi Ho
It’s off to school we go
We’ll learn some junk
And then we’ll flunk. Hi Ho Ho Ho.
Hi Ho
Hi Ho
The teacher bit my toe!
That dirty rat
I bit her back
Hi Ho, Hi Ho!
How about school-specific ones?
I went to a Catholic high school. We were the “Knights.”
I remember our unofficial anthem:
We’re the alma mater
Protectors of the knight
The horny sons-of-bitches
That’d rather fuck than fight
Hady-hidy
God almighty
Who the hell am I?
Bim bam
God-damn
I’m from Alter High.