Ah- ha! Here’s one of my favorite threads from March of this year. Peruse and appreciate:Kids’ books we hope we never see
What’s in Uncle Ernie’s Front Pocket?
Otherwise Known As Sheila the Great Whore
Dinosaur’s Do’s and Don’ts and Dildos.
I’ll Beat You 'til You Can’t Grow Anymore. A Guide to Shutting Up.
Too Young to be Tried as an Adult
Mom and Dad Fed You Your “Runaway” Pets
How To Tell When You’re Going to be Put Up for Adoption.
If it Weren’t for Mommy, No One Would Love You
Clifford the Big Red Rash
Curious George Throws Poo, and You Can Too!
One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Shark Attack
Are You There God? 'Cause It Sure Doesn’t Seem Like You Are.
Peter Pan’s Pecker : A Pop Up Book
Clifford the Big Red Dog : Communist Traitor
Frog Baseball ( Beavis and Butthead reference ! )
Charlie and the Meth Factory
Snow White and the Seven Sex Fiends
The Valentine’s Day Massacre Coloring Book
Hansel and Gretel Kill Your Mommy
What “The Wild Thing” Is
The Washington Post, Sunday, June 28,1998, Pg.F2. “The Style Invitational: Report from Week 273, in which you were asked to come up with bad ideas for a children’s book…”
“You Were an Accident” (Jean Sorensen, Herndon; Barry Blyveis, Columbia)
“Strangers Have the Best Candy” (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
“The Little Sissy Who Snitched” (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
“Some Kittens Can Fly!” (David Genser, Arlington)
“The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion” (David Genser, Arlington)
“How to Dress Sexy for Grownups” (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
“Getting More Chocolate on Your Face” (Thomas Drucker, Carlisle, Pa.)
“Where Would You Like to Be Buried?” (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)
“Where’s Godot?” (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
“Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her” (David Genser, Arlington)
“The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North Amer Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes!” (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
“All Dogs Go to Hell” (Joseph Romm, Washington)
“The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking” (Joseph Romm, Washington)
“When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer They Say God Did It” (Barry Blyveis, Columbia)
“Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia” (John Kammer, Herndon)
“What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?” (Kenneth Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)
“Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?” (Martin Keutel, Alexandria)
“Bi-Curious George” (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
“Daddy Drinks Because You Cry” (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
“Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver” (Russ Beland, Springfield)
“You Are Different and That’s Bad” (Christopher Richard, Springfield)
Eric Carle’s The Very Tourette’s Angleworm
Mercer Mayer’s Little Critter and the Too-Friendly Babysitter
The Berenstein Bears Learn About Date Rape
One Little Whore: A 9th Avenue Counting Book
Pus Is Yellow: A 9th Avenue Book of Colors
My Little Golden Book of War Atrocities
Marc Brown’s Arthur’s Mother’s New "Special Friend"
Divorce Means That Your Parents Hate You
The DK Complete Suicide Handbook
I Spy Naked Boobies
Blue’s Clues: Blue Goes Into Heat
Dora The Explorer: Over Sendero Luminoso Mountain
Bob the Builder: Gay Subtext? What Gay Subtext?
Jesus Died So You Could Eat White Bread: A Baptist Book of Guilt
You Know, Your Grandmother Would Have Killed To Have Had That Gefiite Fish When She Died in Auschwitz: A Jewish Book of Guilt
The Virgin Sees What You Do With Your Private Parts And Cries: A Catholic Book of Guilt
Harry Potter and the Succubus
So far, the best one (to my mind) is If You Give A Man A Blowjob – made me laugh out loud.
** Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Pedophile
The Manson Family Album
Torturing Small Animals for Fun and Profit
Jack The Giant Liar**
Here is a list that was emailed to me. It is one of the few emails that had me laughing out loud so I saved it.
Rejected Dr. Seuss books:
- One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, You Bitch
- Herbert the Pervert Likes sherbert
- Fox in Detox
- Who Shat in the Hat?
- Horton Hires a Ho
- The Flesh Eating Lorax
- How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day
- Your Colon Can Moo- Can You?
- Zippy the Rabid Gerbil
- The Cat in the Blender
- Marvin K. Monney, Get the Fuck Out
- Are You My Proctologist?
- Yentl the Lentil
- My Pocket Rocket Needs a Socket
- Aunts In My Pants
Little Golden Books That Never Made It:
- You Are Different and That’s Bad
- The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
- Dad’s New Wife Robert
- Fun Four Letter Words to Know and Share
- Hammers, Screwdrivers, and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
- The Kid’s Guide to Hitchhiking
- Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
- Curios George and the High Voltage Fence
- All Cats Go To Hell
- The Little Sissy Who Snitched
- Some Kittens Can Fly
- That’s It, I’m Putting You Up For Adoption
- Grandpa Gets A Casket
- The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
- Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
- The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
- Strangers Have the Best Candy
- You Were An Accident
- Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
- Pop! Goes the Hamster.and Other Great Microwave Games
- The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan
- Your Nightmares are Real
- Where would You Like To Be Buried?
- Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
- Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
- Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
- Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
The Faerie Kingdom Under the Kitchen Sink and the Queen’s Magical Potions
**Nancy Drew: The Curious Case Of George’s Sexuality
The Children’s Big Fun Book Of Things To Do With Your Private Parts
Nobody Love’s You But Your Mother & She May Be Zoomin’ You Too.**
The Snakepit of Tommy’s Mind
Your Older Brother is Better Than you
The World is Full of Wonderful People and They’re All Against You
Boogers are Yummy
**
Scooby Doo and Velma : The Real Origins of Scrappy Doo
Little Miss Whore
The Hannibal Lector Cookbook : Little Snacks for Little People
Mommy and Daddy Don’t Live Together Anymore, And it’s YOUR Fault
**
And on stuff the does exist Britney Spears Guide to Semiconductor Physics
The Big Book of Busy Road ‘Dare!’ Games
Jump Off Something High and God Will Help You Fly
Let’s Go Search Mummy And Daddy’s Bedroom
Crayons On Wallpaper - the Bumper Activity Book
At Night, Satan Looks Like Blackness
Good And Healthy Children Only Need Toilet Once A Week
Food Is Fun If You Throw It
There Are Magic Pennies In Dog Poo
The Lord of the Drug Smuggling Rings
Dr whoooo’s that sleeping under YOUR bed…!
Alice in Ecstasy
Alice through the camera lense
Harry Potter and the rabbit in the hat
Bare rabbit
HOW to kill a mocking bird
Fairies GRIM tales
Watch With Mother (and the man next door)
Budgie - The Little dead bird
Where’s Waldo : Sniping for Kids
The Cat in the Hat Has a Bat !
You and Your Sister : Incest is Best
Your Mom is Pregnant : Why Moms Eat Babies
My Little Sister is a Witch : Purged With Flame
Peter Perks Eats Poo. Do You?